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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6yo Birthday presents, who is being unreasonable?

219 replies

hollyisKey · 17/01/2022 06:51

Ds will be 6 next month and me and dp decided to get him a nice bike. The bike cost £190 and that is more than we would usually spend on birthdays.

Dp thinks that the bike will be all ds needs for his birthday. Since we have just had Christmas he doesn't need any toys, shoes or clothes.

I however, think that ds should have a couple of little presents to open too. Nothing really expensive but just so he gets to unwrap something.

We are no means rich but could afford an extra £30 - £40 for some extra presents. Dp is mostly concerned about the lack of space in our house. He saw getting the bike as one big gift and no smaller items to clutter the house with.

Aibu or is dp?
Thanks

OP posts:
justasking111 · 17/01/2022 10:51

If you're recycling toys no longer used, there's nothing you can do about clutter bar looking at a storage system.

You're saving a lot of money not having a party. The little man deserves something else. Supposing that the weather is awful that day so he can't go riding, he's going to be a bit sad. He's at the age where he knows what other children do and have on their birthdays

JaninaDuszejko · 17/01/2022 10:52

Another vote for wrapping the helmet, bike bell, etc separately. That's what we did and the DC seemed happy with that.

WhereTheWildlingsLive · 17/01/2022 10:59

Haven't read the whole thread but replying as we just had Exactly the same scenario! Ds didn't even really Want the bike as a birthday present but really needed one fed up of hitting elbows with knees so it was given as a part of his present.. made this birthday super expensive tbh but it'll last him about 3yrs now, and fortunately the present he Really wanted wasn't much more than a tenner (plus we added a few more for added opening!) so not too bad! 😂
So obviously I'd say yes you might want to buy a few littlies to boost the pile!

WhaleSnail · 17/01/2022 11:07

I would get my DC some extras. I don’t think that’s spoiling them or setting them up to expect lots of gifts. He’s 6 he doesn’t know a bike costs lots and I don’t think adding 4/5 small parcels to his day will ruin him. Something like a T-shirt with favourite character, a small Lego set, craft sets, educational style games and books. Things I’d class as “practical” especially books as that’s encouraging his reading, etc. Nothing has to cost a lot. I usually get a small “pile” for birthdays 4/5 things as they love opening and having a variety of things. This year basketball and books etc which came to £40 total. He was delighted. It wasn’t about the money. The year before he needed a next size scooter so we got that plus similar books games etc but with scooter that birthday was over £200 spent. DS had no expectation that he’d had £200 worth of toys this year again and was totally happy with the £40 we spent. No difference to him between the two birthdays.

I’d be cautious about saying he doesn’t need anything as he’s just had Christmas. That might be true but it wouldn’t be said if his birthday was say June. It’s not his fault the two are close together. You could always get “summer” stuff like outdoor bits etc.

Finally, I do think some posters assume the child will have lots of other gifts. We have a very small family. The only set of grandparents give money to savings (which I’m very happy with!) and a small sticker book type gift to unwrap. One Uncle gives perhaps a small Lego set some years if he sees us around time of birthday otherwise no gift. That’s it. Friends don’t exchange gifts in his circle. So literally it’s our gifts only. We have him a class party one year and felt overwhelmed (but very grateful!) with all the gifts received. If that is the yearly experience of other children then I can understand why posters are saying the bike is enough because they are also assuming he’ll have many other small gifts to open from family friends etc. Every family is different so this would change my response.

stingofthebutterfly · 17/01/2022 11:14

Definitely get him some more things to open. You can buy a few cheap bits of useful stuff that won't create clutter. Bike accessories is a good idea, then sweets that will be eaten, craft kits that will be thrown away once complete, same for colouring books, a t-shirt with his favourite character on, some bath bombs or something like that etc. You don't have to create clutter or spend much at all.

00100001 · 17/01/2022 11:14

@LemonDrizzles

Have you considered getting the bike used? We went down to Halfords, our 6 year old tried a fee bikes, we settled on one that was £150 or £250 (can't remember now) then saw about 5 local people selling the same bike on Facebook and ebay. We missed ebay (they were a black away) but managed Facebook. Freed up funds for other gifts. And yes at Christmas, 6 year old got an elaborate Lego but oh no he felt he got less than his 2 year old sister because she opened more presents despite his elaborate Lego present costing more than his...
You're part of the reason high street shops are closing!

You go in , try out their stock, and then bugger off and buy it elsewhere!

Marvellousmadness · 17/01/2022 11:16

Absolutely the kid needs more gifts. You must start consumerism young.

aSofaNearYou · 17/01/2022 11:18

*You're part of the reason high street shops are closing!

You go in , try out their stock, and then bugger off and buy it elsewhere*

And also one of the people helping the environment by buying second hand where possible.

You win some you lose some!

LuaDipa · 17/01/2022 11:19

I would get him a few bits and pieces to open. Also agree with indoor things since it’s still so dark most of the time. It doesn’t have to be clutter, it could be books games, crafts. I think even I would be disappointed to have nothing to open on my birthday!!!

verytiredofbeingshoutedat · 17/01/2022 11:21

Spend a fiver in few extra presents as a compromise. Few bars of chocolates, some silly putty or something small.

Your DH is right DS has a large gift from you so another £30-40 is unnecessary and doesn't teach value of money to your DS.

verytiredofbeingshoutedat · 17/01/2022 11:27

Oh pp suggested a great idea!

A bell. A helmet. A bike lock. Those would be great additional presents to unwrap as you have to buy them anyway! I found an eyeball bell for my boy! It was probably a bit gross but he loved it and used it for every bike he had until he was 10.

Mine had shiny star attachments that catch light on theirs (DS and DDs) which we moved from bike to bike - they go on spokes of wheel so that bike catches any headlights and you can get stickers that do same including ones for bike coats and bags. Cost about a £1 for a set of each in Poundland/ home bargains.

Ponoka7 · 17/01/2022 11:30

The one complaint you hear regularly from people whose birthday is around Christmas, is that they never got a Birthday on the scale other people do. There must be a couple of other bits you could get. I'd plan a day out that includes the bike.

verytiredofbeingshoutedat · 17/01/2022 11:31

Little Bike gloves are a great idea! They used to sell them for

morechocolateneededtoday · 17/01/2022 11:35

@LaTomatina

*One big present is fine. Why would you wabt to teach him to expect lots and lots of stuff he doesn't even need? We're all conditioned to believe that excesive consumerism is a good thing. It's not.*

This. Too many parents over-buy their children out of fear that their children will be disappointed, and then act surprised when they raise entitled, self-centred teenagers who don't value anything. Honestly, less is more!! If a 6 year old is disappointed because he "only" got a new bike for his birthday, there is a big problem!!!

Could not agree more. We are teaching our children the bike is not enough by buying them more. You have said he has all he needs so the bike is perfect, especially if you are investing in a good lightweight one he will be able to use for a while.

I would take them out as a treat, cinema/bowling/ice skating etc but completely agree with no need for crap for the sake of buying it

Contactmap · 17/01/2022 11:40

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AmyDudley · 17/01/2022 11:42

One sentence stood out to me, (and others have said it) - 'since we have just had Christmas he doesn't need anything else' (or words to that effect. It's not his fault he has a birthday near Christmas, don;t let your decision be influenced by that - if you would have got him more if his birthday was in June then bear that in mind.
I'm not saying the bike isn't enough - it sounds a lovely present, a few balloons a cake and taking him out that day to ride his bike sounds fine.
But having had two Dc very close to Christmas - I always made sure their birthdays weren't dismissed as being 'close to Christmas so no need to bother' as a near Christmas birthday myself that happened to me a lot as a child.

Tiredmum100 · 17/01/2022 11:43

I would get him a book, some chocolate/sweets/ lego set to un wrap as well

AryaStarkWolf · 17/01/2022 11:49

I agree with your DH, one big present is absolutely fine and enough

XelaM · 17/01/2022 11:53

YNBU

melj1213 · 17/01/2022 12:11

YANBU - he's 6, if you can't enjoy getting presents for the sake of getting presents on your 6th birthday, when can you?

ExDH and I always used to get DD one main present and a book and some sweets/chocolate, and that was always more than enough because we both have families who spoil her and even just one gift from family members meant that she would have about 10 presents and that is before family friends and presents given at her birthday party, so we tried to limit what we got her so as not to overwhelm her

However, in your son's case he is not going to get mountains of other presents from family and friends so I don't think it is unreasonable to want to get him a few extra bits to open on his birthday, especially if they're for his bike.

There are so many little bike accessories you can buy him that gives him more bits to open but are also practical items - you wouldn't normally wrap up a pair of gloves or a pack of hi-viz stickers, but when those gloves are "special bike gloves" and those hi-viz stickers are for him to put on his bike to decorate it (whilst also keeping him safe and highly visible to cars) then they become gifts in and of themselves.

I'd perhaps get him a couple of little things like a book or DVD or craft set and some chocolate so that he also has something else to do on his birthday, once he's come home from his first bike ride he can do a craft while you get the cake and birthday gea prepared and then afterwards have hot chocolate and some sweets while reading his new book/watching the new DVD and making a whole fun day of it.

mafted · 17/01/2022 12:15

A bike is a enough IMO. It's 'all' my younger DCs had for their last birthdays and they were thrilled.

CatsArePeople · 17/01/2022 12:30

YABU to spend extra 30-40. Get sweets, pencils, bubble bath, stickers...

Dobbysgotthesocks · 17/01/2022 12:43

I wouldn't just get him the bike personally. Particularly for a birthday at this end of the year. I'd get a few smaller gifts that he could play with inside. That way he won't be so disappointed if it's too wet/cold/Icey to be out on his bike!
So i would get a few bits he could have some fun with indoors.

AliceMcK · 17/01/2022 13:00

Get practical or small things, helmet if he hasn’t already got one, hi vis stickers for his bike or hi vis vest while he’s riding it, new clothes… I always do little bits for mine like wrap individual fidget toys, little tubs of slime in tissue paper to open. I have girls so can easily add hair accessories and girly bits, but I’m sure there are things you can do for a boy, what about lego grab bags etc…

ffscovid · 17/01/2022 13:06

I agree that unwrapping presents is important at that age but there's no need to spend a lot nor waste money on 'tat' for the sake of it.
Are there accessories for the bike that could be wrapped separately (helmet, gloves, drinks bottle, bell etc). I'd buy a book (you can never have too many books Smile) and maybe a small bag of sweets or an item of clothing that you'd have bought anyway (new t-shirt / PJs etc.). Presumably he'll get gifts from other people too, so don't overthink this.