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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU is my husband the slowest moving man to have ever existed?

159 replies

Kanfuzed123 · 16/01/2022 17:16

Light hearted but dear god does anyone else’s husband move at a glacial pace?

20 minutes on the toilet
25 minutes to peel potatoes for dinner which will make our toddlers dinner late. I was feeding our newborn and had to take over because it was taking an eternity. When I get to the potatoes they’re all cut in different sizes so will cook at different speeds and the over hasn’t been preheated either. Anything food related takes 6 times the amount of time it would take a normal person.

I know it’s a meme but I’ve had 2 kids in the same amount of time my husband spends on the loo. He’s always done this pre kids too, it’s the same if we’re in a rush.

I’m venting a bit now but does anyone else have to lay out detailed instructions for the most simple tasks for their husband.

I pre made lunch the other day for us and our toddler (omelette and wedges) it was in the fridge, i again feeding baby, asked him to sort it out and put lunch out, he puts out stone cold omelettes and potato wedges. Who the f eats stone cold potato wedges. I came in and was like ‘name… this is cold, didn’t you reheat it’ to which he responded ‘ you never said, I didn’t know I had to’ Jesus Christ… think man.

In labour, I started feeling sick about to vomit at home on our lovely new carpet, couldn’t move due to contractions. Asked him to get me a sick bag..: 10 minutes later, he shouts upstairs ‘what kind of bag’ ‘a poly bag no holes’ he meanders back upstairs, I’m wretching at this point swallowing sick, and chucks at me a closed poly bag with fucking holes in it, in that time I’m sick on the carpet. He proceeds to try and clean it up with baby blankets.

Am I the only one?
Aibu this is infuriating right?

OP posts:
Westmeathtip · 16/01/2022 17:18

Clearly you’re married to my ex husband. Good luck with that.

Rightshoardingsaurus · 16/01/2022 17:20

I am happy to provide you an alibi...

MaxAni · 16/01/2022 17:21

Wow, that would drive me nuts. Does he have some kind of medical or cognitive additional needs? Can he hold down a job?

FFSFFSFFS · 16/01/2022 17:21

Does he work?

Kanfuzed123 · 16/01/2022 17:22

@Westmeathtip

Clearly you’re married to my ex husband. Good luck with that.
Sadly he’s not been married before, i say sadly because someone could have warned me and also because there are apparently two of them and that means it’s the end of the world
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2022 17:23

I couldn't tolerate that. It's just pure laziness and selfishness.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 16/01/2022 17:24

That would send me over the edge. Fgs.Hmm

the80sweregreat · 16/01/2022 17:24

My dh is a little bit like this.
Don't take over because this is what he wants to happen . Then he'll get out of doing things
Stick to it as well . Once you show weakness he will exploit it.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 16/01/2022 17:24

My patio is uneven and requires some "ballast" to level it... Wink

You really need to lose your shit every time...I find they (men) are slow of learning...I mean mine is nearly 60 and FFS... and we didn't have kids.

Gin
LavenderAskew · 16/01/2022 17:24

Well he's either just doesn't think of others at all or is so terrified of getting things wrong he doesn't try.

Kanfuzed123 · 16/01/2022 17:25

@FFSFFSFFS

Does he work?
He does, good upper middle management just shy of 50k style job but he drives me crackers.

Every appointment or anything we have that requires an ounce of thought or brain power it’s me about does all the talking, people must think he’s mute. He just sits there, eyes glazed over, our daughters paediatrician even is like ‘is everything ok dad?’ Because he just sits there like a gormless potato

OP posts:
AutumnLeaves21 · 16/01/2022 17:26

Oh my god OP, the slowness alone would drive me fucking bananas. I don’t know how you have the patience to deal with this daily.

ASimpleLobsterHat · 16/01/2022 17:26

I want to apologise to the future wife/husband of my eldest DS. They will be writing a similar post in 20 odd years time because you are wrong, my DS is actually the slowest moving male to have ever existed - 20 minutes to put a pair of socks on Confused

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 16/01/2022 17:26

Oh, the other thing that men are slow of...

💩💩💩💩💩

Honestly, I can hoover all downstairs and empty 3 litter trays in the time it takes mine.

I may also require an alibi at some point...

Kanfuzed123 · 16/01/2022 17:27

The crazy part is he doesn’t like being told what to do, yet simultaneously needs to be handheld through every god damn thing

OP posts:
Kanfuzed123 · 16/01/2022 17:28

@AutumnLeaves21

Oh my god OP, the slowness alone would drive me fucking bananas. I don’t know how you have the patience to deal with this daily.
I don’t @AutumnLeaves21 I’m going grey at 32 and currently sharpening my kitchen knives preparing to have a Chicago moment 😂😂

(This is a joke, He wouldn’t actually run into my knife 10 times)

OP posts:
RandomMess · 16/01/2022 17:29

I would say "as you need more practice at.... you will need to do xyz from now on"

He clearly needs to cook daily.

picklemewalnuts · 16/01/2022 17:29

Have you asked him- not in a blame way, just casually- how he feels about the difference between his performance at work and at home? That would be an interesting conversation I reckon.

Shmippy · 16/01/2022 17:30

I'm feeling twitchy just reading your OP. Did this only start to bother you once you'd had kids?

Kanfuzed123 · 16/01/2022 17:30

We’d never eat @RandomMess and when he does do it alone, not only does it take an eternity but he gets really stressed too

OP posts:
Sheepareawesome · 16/01/2022 17:30

How did you manage to have kids with him? I mean if he moves that slowly.....

Did you have to give him a list and yell 'in' and 'out' like the cox in a boat race when having sex? Or maybe use a metronome?! ConfusedGrin

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2022 17:30

What a horrible example of a man/partner for your daughter. Sorry, but it's true.

girlmom21 · 16/01/2022 17:31

I don't think this thread ended as lighthearted as it started Grin

Echobelly · 16/01/2022 17:32

DH is like that 20 mins on loo, 40 mins in bath, takes AGES to chop vegetables that would take me 5 mins, it takes him about an hour to make a large fruit salad, which would take me 10 minutes, I don't know how he manages.

StillMissV · 16/01/2022 17:32

Have you ever heard of weaponised incompetence?
I'm pretty sure if he can hold down a management level job, he is then choosing to be a gormless potato because he knows you will pick up the slack