AIBU is my husband the slowest moving man to have ever existed?

[Kanfuzed123]

Light hearted but dear god does anyone else’s husband move at a glacial pace?

20 minutes on the toilet
25 minutes to peel potatoes for dinner which will make our toddlers dinner late. I was feeding our newborn and had to take over because it was taking an eternity. When I get to the potatoes they’re all cut in different sizes so will cook at different speeds and the over hasn’t been preheated either. Anything food related takes 6 times the amount of time it would take a normal person.

I know it’s a meme but I’ve had 2 kids in the same amount of time my husband spends on the loo. He’s always done this pre kids too, it’s the same if we’re in a rush.

I’m venting a bit now but does anyone else have to lay out detailed instructions for the most simple tasks for their husband.

I pre made lunch the other day for us and our toddler (omelette and wedges) it was in the fridge, i again feeding baby, asked him to sort it out and put lunch out, he puts out stone cold omelettes and potato wedges. Who the f eats stone cold potato wedges. I came in and was like ‘name… this is cold, didn’t you reheat it’ to which he responded ‘ you never said, I didn’t know I had to’ Jesus Christ… think man.

In labour, I started feeling sick about to vomit at home on our lovely new carpet, couldn’t move due to contractions. Asked him to get me a sick bag..: 10 minutes later, he shouts upstairs ‘what kind of bag’ ‘a poly bag no holes’ he meanders back upstairs, I’m wretching at this point swallowing sick, and chucks at me a closed poly bag with fucking holes in it, in that time I’m sick on the carpet. He proceeds to try and clean it up with baby blankets.

Am I the only one?
Aibu this is infuriating right?

@LlamasintheFog

OK your latest update changes my view quite a lot, this isn't just you having different strengths to him. It sounds like a mix of strategic / cultural incompetence and him, sorry to be blunt, just being a bit dim. I would suggest not allowing yourself to be financially reliant on him, that kind of lack of critical thinking could bite him on the arse in the workplace.

Well @LlamasintheFog he does quite well at work, I mean he makes mistakes sometimes and dumbass ones too but we all do, it’s quite well thought off.

I do think he’s a bit dim witted though, he’s quite a mild guy so I think he’s just used to blending into the background like a house plant.

He’s really good at sorting bills, he super on that always swapping is around suppliers to save us money, insurances etc really good at all of that Independently, which is good because that’s not my strength

@Meercatmama

I feel for you as I have the same are 34 years of marriage Two days ago getting ready for work and having a bath/shower I hear a cry. I have smashed a glass from husband. Me: What a shame Him I have smashed glass! Me : what would you like me to do about it ?( I am not going to doing anything unless he really needs help ie emergency) Husband : I need help glass is all over the floor and I have not got any shoes on. Me Are you trapped the glass? Him No why? Me I am currently wet all over as showring/bathing. Him oh. Me : what would you do if I was not here? Him: Sweep it up Me I suggest you do that and put shoes on Him Oh I suppose so Later Me to him why did you call on me ' Him well you were here you are better at things like that Me You were just being lazy and walked away 34 years of marriage and he knows me well so no reply I do love him but sometimes he tries to treat me like his mum and this is a man who has run building sites. All I do is treat him like my childrEn at school when he acts like this he quickly gets the message

How utterly depressing. This is how you've spent 34 years of your life? How are you not enraged by his complete lack of regard for you? He treats you like a skivvy.

I teach quite a few (secondary) boys like this.
"Miss, I don't understand" = I didn't bother to listen when you explained
"Miss, I'm stuck" = applying brain power is too taxing, tell me what to do

(NB, these are not kids with any additional needs).

I have three stock phrases:

1. What did I ask you to do just now?
2. What is there in the room that could help you?
3. How do you think you can get unstuck?

Then walk away to 'help' someone else.
Oh, and if they say 'I wasn't listening' and do that infuriating smirk, I smile and say 'that sounds like a 'you' problem, not a 'me' problem. Best of luck.'

It's dying a death now, 14 weeks into the year! Do NOT facilitate and put up with learned helplessness.

@Sheepareawesome

How did you manage to have kids with him? I mean if he moves that slowly.....

Did you have to give him a list and yell 'in' and 'out' like the cox in a boat race when having sex? Or maybe use a metronome?!

Omg I'm crying laughing and my stomach hurts!!!! Also imagining Flash from Zootopia is the husband

^ how did I miss that comment 😂

Ok. All jokes aside. Im wondering if all these similar threads have a common theme in that the useless men on £60k + salaries are working in the public sector ??? And pull the same shit at work. Because surely they can’t hold down private sector jobs at this level. Or maybe they can. This could explain all the issues with GOV/NHS/local gov management etc. Jobs that aren’t “measurable” ie not operational and they get away with it and think they can act the same at home. And urgh the amount of men I’ve worked with who disappear for their 45 min shit every mid morning.

@HereBeFuckery

I teach quite a few (secondary) boys like this. "Miss, I don't understand" = I didn't bother to listen when you explained "Miss, I'm stuck" = applying brain power is too taxing, tell me what to do

(NB, these are not kids with any additional needs).

I have three stock phrases:

1. What did I ask you to do just now?
2. What is there in the room that could help you?
3. How do you think you can get unstuck?

Then walk away to 'help' someone else.
Oh, and if they say 'I wasn't listening' and do that infuriating smirk, I smile and say 'that sounds like a 'you' problem, not a 'me' problem. Best of luck.'

It's dying a death now, 14 weeks into the year! Do NOT facilitate and put up with learned helplessness.

You are my hero. Keep it up.

@MaxAni

Wow, that would drive me nuts. Does he have some kind of medical or cognitive additional needs? Can he hold down a job?

Mine is similar, and is a maths professor… very clever, but sooooo glacial.

My DH the same.

He is annoyingly clever but so so so fucking faffy and useless at anything practical or efficient in life.
I know he does it deliberately so it is easier for me to just do it.

At a big birthday his friends were giving speeches and everyone mentioned how he was the smartest person they know.

DD whispered to me "do they def mean Dad?"

@gah2teenagers

Ok. All jokes aside. Im wondering if all these similar threads have a common theme in that the useless men on £60k + salaries are working in the public sector ??? And pull the same shit at work. Because surely they can’t hold down private sector jobs at this level. Or maybe they can. This could explain all the issues with GOV/NHS/local gov management etc. Jobs that aren’t “measurable” ie not operational and they get away with it and think they can act the same at home. And urgh the amount of men I’ve worked with who disappear for their 45 min shit every mid morning.

I was also wondering the same. I thought definitely public sector (which is where I work)

Actually I don't think these men are all that good at their jobs. I think a lot of them are as shit at their jobs as they are at home, but get away with it. And I definitely do notice men like this in workplaces, and it infuriates me that these twats can and do obtain and keep gainful employment by doing just enough.

I personally think that they stick out like a sore thumb. Once you've seen it you don't unsee it. I had two of them deliver (supposedly) a briefing to me once and it was so 'gormless potato' that I got up and walked out, telling them not to waste my time. Words were later had about their not taking the piss performance.

Maybe there needs to be more senior women doing this at work - not tolerating abysmal performance and ridiculous incompetence from a significant minority.

It's weaponised incompetence......

I’d second the poster who mentioned differing expectations.
My live in partner is perfectly capable in a work situation and indeed any situation that is a requirement.
But when not either of the above switches to a different time zone- theirs!
Won’t do anything at any other speed than their own. Wakes at midday, late for any social engagement. Won’t rush for anything.
Their take is that it’s their leisure time and they will do what works for them. Anyone else’s expectations are theirs to manage.
Makes for some deep self assessment to keep the partnership going .

@Kanfuzed123

Thing is *@picklemewalnuts* he’s slow at random things, cleaning he’s fine at, excels at even. Ironing the man comes into his own, really shines. But anything food related Jesus wept he’s slow and can’t engage his brain. Same with anything that requires speaking up.

Somethings work wise he’s similar with, no clue why, presentations and stuff that requires writing
or sometimes common sense but thinking outside the box he’s decent at in work.

He also sucks beyond belief at building things, a little tikes flint stone car was literally a Herculean task for him, never heard so many swear words in my life

Play to his strengths? You could hand off a lot of cleaning and do meals yourself. When our DC were little I'd make dinner earlier in the day, say nap time then just reheat. H wasn't home in time for toddlers dinner. Given a few goes he should be able to get the hang of reheating at least.

Do you have a patio? If not, maybe now is a good time to think about digging a big hole in your garden to lay one! 🤭

Ugghhh my ex was like this. Everything he did took forever. And he was constantly late. If he said he would be ready in an hour I automatically tacked on two hours . So annoying

My DP!
Honestly I feel bad at how much I have a go at him for moving slowly but Oh. My. God.
On a morning, I’ll be rushing to grab coats and rush back through to kitchen and he is moseying down the hall in front of me, or standing in a doorway! He moves at a snails pace at EVERYTHING.
Once we missed a train cause he went for a wee. Late at night, catching last train home. He went for a quick wee in the toilets right on our platform. During the time it took him to wee, the train came, people got off, people got on, the doors closed and it left. Then he ambled out of the toilets. Not drunk, just slow.
I’ll ask him to run upstairs and grab a spare top for dd as we are leaving the house. In the time it takes him we’ll put on our shoes and coats and gather bags and stand looking at each other, then he’ll wander down with a top. If I say anything he says he just goes at normal speed and doesn’t understand what my problem is.
And in the morning he’ll have a 20 minute steaming shower while dd and I are doing everything needed to get out while he renders the bathroom unusable due to steam. Says he needs to take that long to wash himself.
Sorry, I’m ranting and I could go on but you are not alone.
And to those people saying ltb or he is doing it on purpose etc, no … he does his fair share and more and is a wonderful dad and partner just the slowest man to ever move!!

my hubby is a cross betweenmr bean/david from heartbeart /benny from crossroads and frank spencer from some mothers do have them.i think they do it slow or badley to get of doing stuff,

@gah2teenagers

Ok. All jokes aside. Im wondering if all these similar threads have a common theme in that the useless men on £60k + salaries are working in the public sector ??? And pull the same shit at work. Because surely they can’t hold down private sector jobs at this level. Or maybe they can. This could explain all the issues with GOV/NHS/local gov management etc. Jobs that aren’t “measurable” ie not operational and they get away with it and think they can act the same at home. And urgh the amount of men I’ve worked with who disappear for their 45 min shit every mid morning.

Oh just piss off with this crap public sector workers are lazy and incompetent bollocks. It’s massively offensive.

I have no time for incompetent men and I have no clue why so many women put up with it and the “ahhh bless them aren’t they funny” comments make me furious but I know a fair amount of useless men who work in the private sector and do nothing at work or home. I also know a ton of people in the public sector who work so hard and give everything they’ve got because they believe in what they do.

Absolutely there are crap employees everywhere but can we not do the lazy ignorant stereotyping public sector = lazy and crap please?

Yup - dh is slow as fuck

He couldn't work out why I put tea on then put the shopping away today

Because I can put shopping away while tea is cooking but I can't cook tea while putting the shopping away. Grrrrr

Is he like this?

Sorry I'm sure he's not but just wanted an excuse to watch it again and feel the absolute rage and frustration...

@gah2teenagers

Ok. All jokes aside. Im wondering if all these similar threads have a common theme in that the useless men on £60k + salaries are working in the public sector ??? And pull the same shit at work. Because surely they can’t hold down private sector jobs at this level. Or maybe they can. This could explain all the issues with GOV/NHS/local gov management etc. Jobs that aren’t “measurable” ie not operational and they get away with it and think they can act the same at home. And urgh the amount of men I’ve worked with who disappear for their 45 min shit every mid morning.

Dh is pretty good at his job, he’s actually a go to guy for a lot of work problems which points to the inability of a lot of men in snr roles fo think critically and think outside of the box. His job also involves pretty much doing a very similar thing over and over again, it’s right in his skill set but for instance he does struggle outside of that

My DH does everything at snail's pace, though at least he rarely needs instructions. It's the hovering while he thinks - in a doorway, in front of the fridge, basically wherever I want to be, that drives me nuts. It's bad enough he's so slow but he makes me grind to a halt waiting for him to shift out of the way.

@AutumnLeaves21

Oh my god OP, the slowness alone would drive me fucking bananas. I don’t know how you have the patience to deal with this daily.

Is he like this at work then or does he simply know you are going to pick up after him the whole time at home and take advantage of that?

Sounds like weaponised incompetence to me. He knows you'll do it if he can wind you up enough then he doesn't have to do anything