AIBU is my husband the slowest moving man to have ever existed?

[Kanfuzed123]

Light hearted but dear god does anyone else’s husband move at a glacial pace?

20 minutes on the toilet
25 minutes to peel potatoes for dinner which will make our toddlers dinner late. I was feeding our newborn and had to take over because it was taking an eternity. When I get to the potatoes they’re all cut in different sizes so will cook at different speeds and the over hasn’t been preheated either. Anything food related takes 6 times the amount of time it would take a normal person.

I know it’s a meme but I’ve had 2 kids in the same amount of time my husband spends on the loo. He’s always done this pre kids too, it’s the same if we’re in a rush.

I’m venting a bit now but does anyone else have to lay out detailed instructions for the most simple tasks for their husband.

I pre made lunch the other day for us and our toddler (omelette and wedges) it was in the fridge, i again feeding baby, asked him to sort it out and put lunch out, he puts out stone cold omelettes and potato wedges. Who the f eats stone cold potato wedges. I came in and was like ‘name… this is cold, didn’t you reheat it’ to which he responded ‘ you never said, I didn’t know I had to’ Jesus Christ… think man.

In labour, I started feeling sick about to vomit at home on our lovely new carpet, couldn’t move due to contractions. Asked him to get me a sick bag..: 10 minutes later, he shouts upstairs ‘what kind of bag’ ‘a poly bag no holes’ he meanders back upstairs, I’m wretching at this point swallowing sick, and chucks at me a closed poly bag with fucking holes in it, in that time I’m sick on the carpet. He proceeds to try and clean it up with baby blankets.

Am I the only one?
Aibu this is infuriating right?

My BIL. 🙄
I wouldn't have the patience.

Mine can't leave the house without going back for a forgotten item or deciding his cost isn't the right one for the weather

Mine is so slow in the kitchen too. He's definitely a one thing at a time person and can't plan a full meal while washing up, tidying, popping some washing on. He's chief hooverer and floor washer though.

'Gormless potato'....best descriptive phrase ever! 😂

Yes he’s a one thing at a time kind of bloke.

I’m not sure if it’s strategic incompetence but I do wonder on occasion as he often moans im giving him orders yet the numpty has to be babied through some really basic things.

He’s slow in really important things too, for instance signing off on our new build. I was at work, he went to check if all was ok before exchanging and paying the deposit which I would do at work, he said all was grand. I came to the house and had fucking kittens. Holes in the floor, chunks knocked out of things, window sealant hanging off etc. Turns out the developers had put bits and pieces, appliances, tiles from other peoples houses in there and he didn’t see anything wrong with this. I went ballistic, managed to get it fixed but fucks sake. Tens of thousands on the line.
Our daughter is under paediatric care due to in utero complications, allows himself to be fobbed off at appointments becuase he doesn’t fucking listen to me and then scrambles around after emailing to try and get something sorted that could have been sorted in the appointment.

It’s like he doesn’t engage his brain.

Same with sorting clothes for washing. The amount he’s ruined. Or laundry in general, chucking wet things in the bottom of the laundry bag and surprise surprise they get mildew.

He’s from a very patriarchal community in the UK and his mother is the epitome of this and often has a go at him for cleaning (she’s awful, don’t get me started) . He’s basically never had to cook so it’s like a child doing these things

@pussycatunpickingcrossesagain

Oh, the other thing that men are slow of...

💩💩💩💩💩

Honestly, I can hoover all downstairs and empty 3 litter trays in the time it takes mine.

I may also require an alibi at some point...

I’ll be your alibi if you’ll be mine?! Lol

It’s like he doesn’t engage his brain.

Of course he does, very strategically. He only does what he wants to and leaves you to deal with it and pick up the pieces. You enable this bullshit.

@Kanfuzed123

Light hearted but dear god does anyone else’s husband move at a glacial pace?

20 minutes on the toilet
25 minutes to peel potatoes for dinner which will make our toddlers dinner late. I was feeding our newborn and had to take over because it was taking an eternity. When I get to the potatoes they’re all cut in different sizes so will cook at different speeds and the over hasn’t been preheated either. Anything food related takes 6 times the amount of time it would take a normal person.

I know it’s a meme but I’ve had 2 kids in the same amount of time my husband spends on the loo. He’s always done this pre kids too, it’s the same if we’re in a rush.

I’m venting a bit now but does anyone else have to lay out detailed instructions for the most simple tasks for their husband.

I pre made lunch the other day for us and our toddler (omelette and wedges) it was in the fridge, i again feeding baby, asked him to sort it out and put lunch out, he puts out stone cold omelettes and potato wedges. Who the f eats stone cold potato wedges. I came in and was like ‘name… this is cold, didn’t you reheat it’ to which he responded ‘ you never said, I didn’t know I had to’ Jesus Christ… think man.

In labour, I started feeling sick about to vomit at home on our lovely new carpet, couldn’t move due to contractions. Asked him to get me a sick bag..: 10 minutes later, he shouts upstairs ‘what kind of bag’ ‘a poly bag no holes’ he meanders back upstairs, I’m wretching at this point swallowing sick, and chucks at me a closed poly bag with fucking holes in it, in that time I’m sick on the carpet. He proceeds to try and clean it up with baby blankets.

Am I the only one?
Aibu this is infuriating right?

I know at least 2 men like this and I am convinced that it's down to one simple thing - that they have basically spent their whole lives having women fetch & carry for them, do their housework, do the chores and the 'admin' of life, etc. They are used to being carried around and have realised that if they seem to be slow / incompetent etc enough at tasks, their mother/wife/whoever will probably take over in frustration and do it anyway and they're back to square one.

It's laziness and entitlement masquerading as incompetence. Drives me insane.

My dp informs me when he’s ‘getting ready to have a poo’. 10 minutes later he announces its poo time and he ‘might be a while’. I actually did got into labour and deliver dc2 quicker then half his ‘poo trips’. Fact.

I don't think it's strategic incompetentence with mine. He's definitely less able to mulitask than me but he's super good at research for new phones etc and holiday planning. I'm no good at either.

I remember back to learning how to plan cooking a meal in Domestic Science at school. It's a skill I enjoyed, he must have been off that week/term!

I just couldn't marry someone that annoying, why did you settle for someone so incompetent?

The labour sickness thing is horrific, what kind of a twat does that to his pregnant/labouring wife? He could have grabbed a bucket/washing up bowl if he couldn't figure out the bag thing.

Why did you reproduce with this man? I assume he has always been this useless so you knew what to expect.

Good god I thought mine was bad!

OK your latest update changes my view quite a lot, this isn't just you having different strengths to him. It sounds like a mix of strategic / cultural incompetence and him, sorry to be blunt, just being a bit dim.
I would suggest not allowing yourself to be financially reliant on him, that kind of lack of critical thinking could bite him on the arse in the workplace.

I am single, but for the past week have hosted visitors. The husband asked from the start if he could cook in the evening (he quite enjoys it, and I think it was a good excuse to get out of baby evening duty). So he cooked a few nights, but not once did we eat before 9pm! And he started off around 5 or 6pm! I was getting so frustrated watching him chop an onion that I had to leave the kitchen. I did offer to help, he said he was happy to plod along, which is exactly what he was doing.

And then the kitchen after! I think he used every pot, knife, spoon available.

Thankfully I have my house back now so we are back to normal pace.

So I'm not sure how you do it OP, one week was quite enough for me.

I voted YANBU but think you may be a teensy bit because 20 mins on the bog is relatively speedy for a bloke

I've only ever been with men who are great in the kitchen and at household tasks, though. Sorry.

'Like a gormless potato' made me laugh.
With the cold omelette and wedges, would he have sat there eating them if you hadn't said anything or would brain have eventually kicked in they would be nicer warm?

He's punishing you for him having to cook. It's all strategic.
He really isn’t, he loves cooking. I wouldn’t be with someone who thought strategically like this.

@GinIronic

Why did you reproduce with this man? I assume he has always been this useless so you knew what to expect.

Well before kids and even with one I didn’t notice it too much. I knew he was bad or didn’t know how to cook because his mum did it all. But we used to do it together, he’d mainly prep and wash and I’d do the actual cooking bit and I guess if he was being a like doing the chopping I was there to ginger him up.

I swear he’s gotten slower as time goes on, I’ve noticed it more since being pregnant with our second. Maybe it’s MH related

@latetothefisting

'Like a gormless potato' made me laugh. With the cold omelette and wedges, would he have sat there eating them if you hadn't said anything or would brain have eventually kicked in they would be nicer warm?

Honestly I don’t know…

No. Your not your not married to the slowest moving man on earth….. because I am !!
Everything you have just written is exactly like my DH …. Honest to god women birth children faster than my DH shits. 3-5 business days for him to get a pair of shoes on. Needs literally told what to do exactly or he would do nothing !! It’s bloody hard work sometimes. My DH also does that gormless not listening thing… I constantly have to go NAME !!! Such n such is talking to you. I think he’s not right come to think of it haha

It’s the offer to cook dinner, and then an hour and a half later, he appears with a plate of pasta pesto, which he puts on the table with as much pride as a Michelin starred chef. And it’s usually on the cool side because he needed the loo/had to send an email half way through dishing up.

I feel for you as I have the same are 34 years of marriage
Two days ago getting ready for work and having a bath/shower I hear a cry.
I have smashed a glass from husband.
Me: What a shame
Him I have smashed glass!
Me : what would you like me to do about it ?( I am not going to doing anything unless he really needs help ie emergency)
Husband : I need help glass is all over the floor and I have not got any shoes on.

Me Are you trapped the glass?
Him No why?
Me I am currently wet all over as showring/bathing.
Him oh.
Me : what would you do if I was not here?
Him: Sweep it up
Me I suggest you do that and put shoes on
Him Oh I suppose so
Later Me to him why did you call on me '
Him well you were here you are better at things like that
Me You were just being lazy and walked away 34 years of marriage and he knows me well so no reply
I do love him but sometimes he tries to treat me like his mum and this is a man who has run building sites. All I do is treat him like my childrEn at school when he acts like this he quickly gets the message

Why does anyone put up with this? Who needs the added mental burden of a grown adult who behaves like a little kid and needs detailed 'instructions' for daily life?