AIBU is my husband the slowest moving man to have ever existed?

[Kanfuzed123]

Light hearted but dear god does anyone else’s husband move at a glacial pace?

20 minutes on the toilet
25 minutes to peel potatoes for dinner which will make our toddlers dinner late. I was feeding our newborn and had to take over because it was taking an eternity. When I get to the potatoes they’re all cut in different sizes so will cook at different speeds and the over hasn’t been preheated either. Anything food related takes 6 times the amount of time it would take a normal person.

I know it’s a meme but I’ve had 2 kids in the same amount of time my husband spends on the loo. He’s always done this pre kids too, it’s the same if we’re in a rush.

I’m venting a bit now but does anyone else have to lay out detailed instructions for the most simple tasks for their husband.

I pre made lunch the other day for us and our toddler (omelette and wedges) it was in the fridge, i again feeding baby, asked him to sort it out and put lunch out, he puts out stone cold omelettes and potato wedges. Who the f eats stone cold potato wedges. I came in and was like ‘name… this is cold, didn’t you reheat it’ to which he responded ‘ you never said, I didn’t know I had to’ Jesus Christ… think man.

In labour, I started feeling sick about to vomit at home on our lovely new carpet, couldn’t move due to contractions. Asked him to get me a sick bag..: 10 minutes later, he shouts upstairs ‘what kind of bag’ ‘a poly bag no holes’ he meanders back upstairs, I’m wretching at this point swallowing sick, and chucks at me a closed poly bag with fucking holes in it, in that time I’m sick on the carpet. He proceeds to try and clean it up with baby blankets.

Am I the only one?
Aibu this is infuriating right?

We have a smallish car DH will take 2 hours to vacuums dust the inside, 4 hours to mow an average sized garden lawn and at least an hour to clean an average bathroom. I could go on. Each job requires a similar amount of time for pondering, explaining and preparation. It drives me nuts.

Is he very slow at work? I’m guessing not or based on your description he would have been sacked.
Have you ever discussed this with him?

The crazy is that you think it’s hilarious to be treated with such contempt by your husband.

Thing is @picklemewalnuts he’s slow at random things, cleaning he’s fine at, excels at even. Ironing the man comes into his own, really shines. But anything food related Jesus wept he’s slow and can’t engage his brain. Same with anything that requires speaking up.

Somethings work wise he’s similar with, no clue why, presentations and stuff that requires writing
or sometimes common sense but thinking outside the box he’s decent at in work.

He also sucks beyond belief at building things, a little tikes flint stone car was literally a Herculean task for him, never heard so many swear words in my life

Mismatched expectations. As much as he is slow, maybe you are on the very opposite end of the spectrum. Maybe meeting in the middle might be a healthier balance for the whole family, not everything has to be done to perfection or at a million miles an hour. My mother is a million miles an hour perfectionist and growing up never reaching her expectations wasn't easy.

@girlmom21

I don't think this thread ended as lighthearted as it started

We’re still on page 2 @girlmom21, it’s probably going to get worse 😂

@StillMissV

Have you ever heard of weaponised incompetence? I'm pretty sure if he can hold down a management level job, he is then choosing to be a gormless potato because he knows you will pick up the slack

I agree with this.

@Kanfuzed123

The crazy part is he doesn’t like being told what to do, yet simultaneously needs to be handheld through every god damn thing

OMG...... sounds like DP. I'm on piles of prescription drugs for stress.

I’m sorry OP and I know it’s supposed to be semi lighthearted but I find threads like this sooooo depressing. How are we at a point in 2022 where women are killing themselves doing everything and their partner is just useless and incompetent (but not at work seemingly). I think a lot of it is strategic incompetence tbh.

Once you’ve got more than one child you really can’t put up with this if you want to have any quality of life and presumably you also don’t want your children growing up and repeating the same pattern? Time for a really serious talk with him I think, he needs to step up massively

In a word, yes.
My dh is more or less the same, I love the man to the ends of the earth by my god is he slow at everything.

Do you have a patio? We can be each others alibis

Mine is the same. Always needs the toilet as we are closing the door to go out. Always can't find car keys and makes everyone get cold outside waiting, because he hasn't checked if he has got his car keys before leaving the house.When he finds them only opens the doors when he gets to the car even though we are all standing waiting and cold outside. I think it is because he is a first born who had mummy to wait on him hand and foot. His brother (2nd born ) is far more able to do everyday things with minimal delay or upset.

There is one in my house too. When he cooks a meal he chops everything. Then heats the oven. Then cooks it. Athena gets out the oven. Then heats plates. Then serves it. Food is often lukewarm. It’s absolutely infuriating.

Leaving the house takes about a fortnight.

He insists on doing all the laundry which is great but whilst I can blitz through 5 or 6 loads in a day he will manage 3 or 4 a week absolute max. I have to wait for him to go out so I can do some laundry and get the clothes back!

But yes. Slow at all the things. The mind boggles.

Mine can be a bit slow but not to that extent. What he does do which drives me nuts is stop whatever he's doing if he has to speak. Eg he's cooking dinner and I ask him a question, the knife or whatever goes down as he prepares to give his full attention to the conversation. In the meantime I want to shout 'I'm fucking starving, can you not speak and cook at the same time?!!'

My ex was like this on the toilet

You do need to get him to be able to make 3-4 kid friendly meals because you deserve to be able to go away and know he will feed his DC adequately and on time in your absence.

Sure that could all be freezer stuff but at weekends he need to take over on the food thing and learn to do enough.

Was he like this when you met him, or has it increased over time? I certainly don't expect DH to be a whizz at everything but I would find this level of incompetence at every day stuff deeply unattractive

raises hand I'm part of the 'slow DH club' too. I cant understand why my DH takes twice as long to do anything. He is the same at work too!

Yes. DH has absolutely no urgency. We will be late for leaving for something, he’ll know we’re late. But yet no urgency. I don’t understand it and it drives me nuts.

I should be fair to the guy, he cleans without a handhold and of his own accord does laundry and is a fantastic pot washer. He takes the kids in the morning so I can sleep, is up in the night doing nappy changes but is just so fucking dopey or half soaked.

He’s told me some people aren’t his relatives so I’ve hugely put my foot in It, turns out they are and he knew her brother was his relative but just didn’t put 2 and 2 together. Man has a first class UG degree too

@StillMissV

Have you ever heard of weaponised incompetence? I'm pretty sure if he can hold down a management level job, he is then choosing to be a gormless potato because he knows you will pick up the slack

this. He doesn't care because he doesn't care, and he knows you will do it if he doesn't.

The thing is I hate at cooking, find it stressful, not good at timings, and DH does most of it now and I do other stuff which is fine and it’s good to play to your strengths in a marriage BUT I had to step up and learn when we had DC especially when they were little and I was at home with them. I bought a cooking for idiots recipe book and persevered. He should be able to make dinner for his children

“He’s a fantastic pot washer”

Such high standards 😂

Tell him that it isn’t sexually attractive and see if that sorts him out.

My DS is identical, absolutely no urgency. The pp who said their DS takes 20 minutes to put on a pair of socks, I raise you at least 10-20 minutes on top of that.

My DH is far from incompetent and does all of the cooking, most of the early wakings with DC, and an equal share of the drop offs/pick ups, tidying, house work. He is just competent and useful at a snail’s pace. He went for a run yesterday, it took him about 30 minutes to leave. Hilariously he is very fast at running.

never heard so many swear words in my life

I can help you with this, it's taken nearly 20 yrs but I've added a lot more to my vocab recently...
Mostly because of a terminally sluggish DH. Why do they need a shit before we go to Sainsburys FFS?...Will there be a meteor strike while I'm buying bread?!

🤦‍♀️

My DH is actually very competent and does 90% of the life administration that I cannot stand but my goodness watching him trying to put together christmas toys was utterly infuriating.
I mean there is simple instructions but he did it wrong so the whole thing took 2 hours longer than it should have to get the wheels back off. I think its a slow reading/comprehension thing and I'm a skim reader get things done type person. Thought I was going to die listening to him reading out the instructions of a game on Christmas day.