Mother's posting photos breastfeeding on social media?

[hardlythecinderellastory]

I understand it's natural and it should be normalised etc. But when I see it on my social media.. people who purposely post selfie's of themselves breastfeeding it makes me feel like shit as I failed both times at breastfeeding, the most recent times due to PND. I find it a bit "triggering" as it reminds me that I failed or didn't try hard enough. I think sometimes people feel so proud of BF'd that they don't think these photos might make other women feel a bit inferior. I don't post a bottle feeding photo as a) no one ever takes photos of me when I'm feeling her and b) I'd feel like it would be judged.
Is this an unreasonable opinion?

With respect, I think you need to come off social media if a picture of someone feeding their child makes you feel inadequate.

You feel how you feel but those posting pics aren't doing anything wrong as I'm sure you know.

Yes sorry. Their breastfeeding journey or their pride in doing so isn’t a comment on your journey. It’s really sad you feel you failed at BFing when in reality you weren’t supported to be able to breastfeed probably. Women don’t fail at it. They’re often failed by a society and industries that normalise bottle feeding, by HCP who don’t know their stuff, by other people who belittle them or butt in with poor advice etc.
So I’m sorry you feel bad about what happened for your BFing journey but you’re being unreasonable in not wanting other people to share theirs.

I'm sorry, this is your issue, not theirs.
I used to be a keen runner. I injured myself and can no longer run. I was depressed about that for a period but I don't get upset when my friends post photos of parkrun times, marathon finishes etc - it's not about me, it's their achievement.

Why would you even contemplate doing that?

Social media can be triggering in many ways; I think it's our responsibility to try to stay away from it or manage our use of it. Someone who has suffered with losses or infertility could be triggered by any posts you make that reference your children, for example - does that mean you shouldn't post anything about motherhood? You aren't a failure for not breastfeeding and someone else doing it doesn't reflect on you at all. Social media forces us to compare our lives to others and that can be very damaging and self destructive. We can't stop people posting what are really quite innocuous things such as breastfeeding, we can only try to deal with our own reactions and issues that it stirs up.

Gently, yes it's unreasonable

You are the one with the issue so the onus is on you to deal with it, block those who post like this or get some counselling or therapy

Otherwise where does it end? People can't post about their child taking their first steps because another parent has a child with no feet and will never walk?

People can't post about their child being born healthy because someone on their SM might have had a stillborn

I combi feed so have no skin in the breast vs bottle game, fed is best imo. However BF exclusively can be a tough gig (hence why I couldn't) so if someone feels proud enough to post a photo then more power to them.

Having said that, sorry your journey was difficult

I mean, maybe other people feel shit if you post pics of your DC as they can't have them. Or your partner if you're single. Or your body if you're more attractive than them, or disabled etc etc etc.

By that token athletes displaying their medals at the Olympics should also be banned from social media though?

I appreciate it must be really difficult but I think you're going to have to try and work through it for your own sake.

You say yourself it "should be normalised"
So, deep down, you don't think it already is.
This is why women feel the need to do it maybe. Because they are still seen as abnormal, when women breastfeeding their children, like all mammals, should be seen as the default.

YANBU about your feelings, you can't help how you feel but YABU if you are saying that people shouldn't post photos of breastfeeding in case it upsets someone who can't.

Where would it end? People shouldn't post pictures of their children in case it triggers someone who can't have children?
People shouldn't post photos of their holidays or lovely houses in case it upsets people who are struggling with money?

You didn't fail or not try hard enough OP you are getting your babies fed and that's all that matters

Oh blimey, if you thought someone might be triggered by a photo, you'd never post anything for fear of upsetting someone.

Gently, YABU.

no its not an unreasonable opinion, block them its a strange thing to do anyway. why are people posting pictures of them doing that we get told not to post pictures of kids in pants/nappies because of pervs but people are posting that odd.

I think the issue is that it’s seen as an achievement and that they should be proud.
OP I have tried and failed twice to BF. I had advice and tried everything. I sought advice from experts and struggled.
My achievements in growing and raising incredible young people are no less than anyone else’s because I couldn’t breast feed. I just don’t post about them on social media to brag. Think carefully about those whose posts you have to see.

I thought your post was going to be about those who make it look like stripping down to their undies is what they normally do when breastfeeding their 3 year olds!
I think as it's something that is triggering negative feelings for you then you should stay off social media atleast until you can accept that not being able to breastfeed is not your fault and you are no less because of it.

I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable. You don't get to dictate what others do on their own social media (presuming its legal).

Where would it end....

My parents are dead. I dont think people are unreasonable if they post about Mothers/Fathers day. It's my issue to deal with just as this is yours.

It's not something I would post but also not something I think should not be posted. I sympathize as a mum to a non latcher. But women should be supported in breast feeding wherever and whenever and social media posting kind of helps to promote that.

I think you need to focus instead on why you think you failed, or didn't try hard enough. Sounds like you had a really challenging time and you managed your way through as best you could. This is success. You succeeded. You did try hard enough.

YABU. A baby photograph at all on social media might trigger someone who is struggling to conceive. A new house post might make someone finding it difficult to get on the housing ladder feel bad. A person might feel bad seeing photos of the event they missed out on because of a positive Covid test. But that's not the sharer's responsibility. People choose to share different amounts of their and their family's lives on social media and if you don't like what other people post then it's on you to unfollow them.

Go ahead and post pictures of yourself bottle feeding. Your feelings are perfectly normal. And I do agree that SM is full of pictures of mums breastfeeding when the reality is that most mums end up bottle feeding. So there is an imbalance to address. I agree it would be unreasonable to try and stop them posting breastfeeding pictures, your feelings are your own to deal with.

You wouldn’t be doing anything wrong by posting a picture showing how most women feed their babies. I think you’d get a lot of likes. You should not feel bad about bottle feeding. I bet your pictures would be just as beautiful.

I sympathise. Breastfeeding is such an emotive subject, and so difficult. But the thing is, some mothers are criticised for breastfeeding. Some mothers work very hard at breastfeeding. (Obviously not suggesting those who bottle feed are not hard working, or those who can’t breastfeed didn’t give it everything they had.) People should be allowed to post things they’re proud of. I think you have to try to detach yourself from others ‘success’, and recognise your own personal successes. I know it’s not as easy as that, but it would be like childless people not wanting photos of children online. Recovering alcoholics not wanting to see champagne glasses being clinked. Those who can’t get on the property ladder never hearing about someone new home.
I hope this doesn’t come across as heartless.
I was able to breastfeed (although I did combination feeding), and still found it heartbreaking when they weaned at 3. I appreciate that I was very lucky, but it was not an easy journey.
You’re probably a fantastic mum, and perhaps a few cute bottle feeding photos (or other activities if you’d prefer) are in order.
Also. Just know, everyone feels the mum guilt for something.

Sorry, this is your own issue. No one is posting these photos to purposely upset people who breastfeeding didn’t work out for.

There is no shame in bottle feeding - whether through choice or necessity but equally people who do breastfeed are allowed to be proud of doing so.

It seems you need to work through your own feelings of failure surrounding your breastfeeding experience in order to come to peace with what happened. You absolutely weren’t a failure, sometimes these things don’t work out for a multitude of reasons and that is just the way things go sometimes. You need to talk to someone to help you unpick these feelings honestly or this feeling could follow you around forever.

I speak as someone who does totally understand how you’re feeling - but rather for me it was struggling to hear about positive, natural birth experiences having been through two, traumatic EMCS.
Everyone has different experiences and you need to be able to accept yours and move forward.

I feel for you but as gently as I can this is your issue. It's understandable why you feel it's triggering but what you went through does not at all mean you failed at anything. This is something you should try work through as you're being very hard on yourself when you shouldn't be.

When you post a picture of your child on SM do you stop to think about all those who are going through infertility might be feeling about that? I assume you don't? It's a similar principle and I who has fertility struggles (nor I assume you?) feel like everyone should stop posting photos of their children online because it can be triggering to some.

I hope you make peace with your BF struggles.

You canr expect people not to post totally normal photos just because you couldnt do the same. With respect, that isnt how life work and it certainly isnt how social media works. If you dont like it then dont use social media.

Yes, of course it's unreasonable.