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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's posting photos breastfeeding on social media?

119 replies

hardlythecinderellastory · 16/01/2022 16:44

I understand it's natural and it should be normalised etc. But when I see it on my social media.. people who purposely post selfie's of themselves breastfeeding it makes me feel like shit as I failed both times at breastfeeding, the most recent times due to PND. I find it a bit "triggering" as it reminds me that I failed or didn't try hard enough. I think sometimes people feel so proud of BF'd that they don't think these photos might make other women feel a bit inferior. I don't post a bottle feeding photo as a) no one ever takes photos of me when I'm feeling her and b) I'd feel like it would be judged.
Is this an unreasonable opinion?

OP posts:
Camomila · 16/01/2022 17:32

I have a few pictures of me breastfeeding on social media, I didn't put them up because they are "breastfeeding photos" just because they are nice photos.

I got a bit upset in the first lockdown when everyone was posting pictures of their DC having fun in their paddling pools in their big back gardens (we live in a flat)...but they weren't doing anything wrong, and neither are the mums putting up breastfeeding photos.

Original poster
hardlythecinderellastory · 16/01/2022 17:32

Thanks everyone and thank you for helping me look at things in a different way. I don't think it helps that it's my best friend who does it mostly (we had babies 3 months apart) and she knows how much I struggled. She's always sending me WhatsApp's of her feeding too.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 16/01/2022 17:33

I can never understand why there is a need to post lots of things on social media,, such as breast feeding photo's, and show casing their big bellies when pregnant. And all the hundreds of young women, posting on instagram, all pouting and in skimpy attire, they tend to all look the same. Are all these people just exibitionists.

There are women in my viillage. who go to the local shop, and buy a cupcake or the like, take it home, put it on a nice plate on the kitchen table, and take a photo of it, then post it on the local community fb page.. Then you get a stream of idiot replies, as in , OH wow,yum yum. etc.

VelvetChairGirl · 16/01/2022 17:33

"It's not a strange thing to do. Breastfeeding is perfectly natural. If someone is comfortable enough with their body doing a natural function to post a picture online then that's their choice. A woman with her boobs out won't appeal to paedophiles which is the main reason why people don't want to post pictures of half naked children."

I said pervs and you dont know what anyones doing on social media, plenty of dark sites out there peoples private pictures get posted to without their knowledge, I'm sure Fred Wests neighbours thought he seemed fine.

KiloWhat · 16/01/2022 17:34

@hardlythecinderellastory

Thanks everyone and thank you for helping me look at things in a different way. I don't think it helps that it's my best friend who does it mostly (we had babies 3 months apart) and she knows how much I struggled. She's always sending me WhatsApp's of her feeding too.
Ask her to stop then
MindyStClaire · 16/01/2022 17:34

@hardlythecinderellastory

Thanks everyone and thank you for helping me look at things in a different way. I don't think it helps that it's my best friend who does it mostly (we had babies 3 months apart) and she knows how much I struggled. She's always sending me WhatsApp's of her feeding too.
Why on earth would she do that (WhatsApp you feeding photos directly). Is she perhaps an asshole?
HardbackWriter · 16/01/2022 17:35

@hardlythecinderellastory

Thanks everyone and thank you for helping me look at things in a different way. I don't think it helps that it's my best friend who does it mostly (we had babies 3 months apart) and she knows how much I struggled. She's always sending me WhatsApp's of her feeding too.
I think it's quite insensitive - and pretty weird, to be frank - of her to send you photos directly of her breastfeeding. Do you think she is trying to upset you? Because that is very different to someone just generically posting it on social media.
Original poster
hardlythecinderellastory · 16/01/2022 17:35

She had a difficult birth with a c section but I don't feel the need to send her photos of my scar free stomach or go into details of how easy my birth was?

OP posts:
Original poster
hardlythecinderellastory · 16/01/2022 17:38

@HardbackWriter I don't know but she knows how badly I suffered with PND. I was admitted to a mother and baby unit. And she knows how I wanted to BF but it was just another stress and then I couldn't as I wouldn't have been able to take the medication I needed.
She's always telling me how she's a superwoman breastfeeding all day and night and having her partners tea on the table - while I've recently separated from my partner and back at my parents. It's like she goes out of her way to make me feel like shit.

OP posts:
HardbackWriter · 16/01/2022 17:38

If you think she's doing it unthinkingly then ask her to stop. If you think she's doing it on purpose then drop contact with her. Either way it's not really much to do with people putting breastfeeding photos on social media in general if the actual issue is her directly sending them to you.

WonderfulYou · 16/01/2022 17:38

YABU it’s not fair you’re projecting your insecurities on your friend or other people.

BF is still seen as something dirty or sexual and something that women shouldn’t be doing in public.
This is something that absolutely needs to be eradicated.

Original poster
hardlythecinderellastory · 16/01/2022 17:38

It was her who posted it on Facebook now too

OP posts:
IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 16/01/2022 17:39

I don't know about posting pics on social media - mine were babies before the FB explosion - but I understand your feelings of failure about breast feeding. I lasted 6 weeks with my oldest and gave up because of lack of knowledge and support. And then I was hit with a wave of guilt and disappointment that haunted me for a long while. Seeing pictures of people breast feeding would remind me of what I perceived to be my failure. But that was my issue, not theirs. You are not unreasonable to have regrets but don't let your sadness colour everything you see.

Sedai · 16/01/2022 17:40

Very gently, YABU. My son was stillborn so seeing pictures of new babies and babies who would be around the age he would have been can be really tough, but its my responsibility to police my SM usage if I'm having a hard time, not for other parents to stop posting lovely pictures of their babies.

HardbackWriter · 16/01/2022 17:41

Sorry, cross post - drop her. Drop her like a hot potato. Do not contact her/reply to her again. I never say this - I'm not a 'LTB/ go NC' poster, I normally think people should try and see the best in others and that most people write others off too quickly. But your mental health is fragile and precious and she is - similarly deliberately - endangering it. She is being cruel and that's probably because she's got her own insecurities but there is nothing good there for you in this friendship

MindyStClaire · 16/01/2022 17:41

[quote hardlythecinderellastory]@HardbackWriter I don't know but she knows how badly I suffered with PND. I was admitted to a mother and baby unit. And she knows how I wanted to BF but it was just another stress and then I couldn't as I wouldn't have been able to take the medication I needed.
She's always telling me how she's a superwoman breastfeeding all day and night and having her partners tea on the table - while I've recently separated from my partner and back at my parents. It's like she goes out of her way to make me feel like shit.[/quote]
She sounds awful. I'm so sorry you've had such a ridiculously difficult introduction to motherhood. You should be holding your head high at having dealt with so much. If you were my friend I'd be immensely proud of you.

BoredZelda · 16/01/2022 17:41

My daughter never hit the same motor milestones as other kids. It was hard to see posts of other kids doing it and often hid people who I knew were at that stage.

On the flip side, she hit verbal milestones really early.

I posted on SM about both her delayed stuff and her early stuff, I was always up to others to limit their access if they were bothered by it

WinnersDinner · 16/01/2022 17:46

@hardlythecinderellastory

Thanks everyone and thank you for helping me look at things in a different way. I don't think it helps that it's my best friend who does it mostly (we had babies 3 months apart) and she knows how much I struggled. She's always sending me WhatsApp's of her feeding too.
Her messaging you specifically is cruel

Posting on SM is one thing but to actively message someone to ensure they see it is nasty

Thanks
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/01/2022 17:47

This isn’t about Facebook or breastfeeding, it’s about your competitive “friendship”. Your comment about your scar free stomach is as unpleasant as what you think she’s doing with feeding photos. You’re thinking like it’s a competition even though you’re not saying it to her.

I’d back away from her as you don’t sound like you’re good for each other.

I have a hip to hip scar from an incredibly complicated and traumatic EMCS. I had a general so I didn’t even see my baby being born. To think friends are complimenting themselves on their scar free tummies in comparison would be the cherry on the fucking cake. And I’m still breastfeeding my toddler and don’t share photos of it.

If you can’t celebrate each other’s successes and empathise nicely with each other’s struggles then just call it a day. Hopefully you’ve each got other people to be friends with.

Somethingsnappy · 16/01/2022 17:47

After your update op, it does sound like your friend is being either spectacularly insensitive or deliberately provocative. Not about the social media pictures, but about her private pictures and messages to you. Perhaps raise that side of things with her? Her reaction will be quite telling I suspect.

girlmom21 · 16/01/2022 17:47

Why does she send you pictures? That's unusual. Does she know how you feel?

Somebodylikeyew · 16/01/2022 17:51

Sweetie, photos on social media aren’t the problem- your friend is.

If she’s a friend you want to keep, I’d tell her how her messages are making you feel. Her response will tell you whether this is a friendship that is worth continuing with or not.

WonderfulYou · 16/01/2022 18:01

This isn’t about Facebook or breastfeeding, it’s about your competitive “friendship”. Your comment about your scar free stomach is as unpleasant as what you think she’s doing with feeding photos. You’re thinking like it’s a competition even though you’re not saying it to her.

I agree and it’s very common when friends/family members have babies very close to each other

ItsSnowJokes · 16/01/2022 18:07

As everyone else has said YABU, maybe just don't use social media for a while. You can't get pissed off and triggered at other people feeding a baby, it's just not right.

I would gently suggest maybe some counselling or seeing your gp, you are going to see this all the time in day to day life, its not fair on you being triggered by this when some help may stop this.

MrsAvocet · 16/01/2022 18:08

Sending you pictures directly is odd and as others have said, at best insensitive and very self absorbed and at worst downright nasty.
Posting general stuff on social media is fine, but seemingly targeting someone that you know is likely to be upset by particular things is different.
I lost my job last year due to ill health, and also can no longer do my main hobby. I still have ex colleagues and hobby related friends on social media so of course I see things that at times make me sad. But they are still living their lives as normal, and why shouldn't they share things. That's for me to deal with and I either have to accept it or stop following them. But if they started sending me private messages with things like "hey, here we are enjoying our Christmas night out that you're not part of any more" or " bet you wish you were out with us enjoying our hobby on this lovely sunny day" then I would feel very differently!
I would agree that you either need to talk to this friend or stop communicating- I guess it depends on your relationship.
Another thing you might consider is something that I do if I'm feeling particularly sensitive, or if say, there is a big event coming up and I know my newsfeed is going to be flooded with pics. I use the Snooze function so you dont see someones posts for 30 days unless you actively go and look. (Facebook- I'm not sure about other socual media platforms). I find that can be a good coping mechanism if I'm a bit fragile but don't want to actually lose touch with someone. After a bit of a break I usually handle things better again.