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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother's posting photos breastfeeding on social media?

119 replies

hardlythecinderellastory · 16/01/2022 16:44

I understand it's natural and it should be normalised etc. But when I see it on my social media.. people who purposely post selfie's of themselves breastfeeding it makes me feel like shit as I failed both times at breastfeeding, the most recent times due to PND. I find it a bit "triggering" as it reminds me that I failed or didn't try hard enough. I think sometimes people feel so proud of BF'd that they don't think these photos might make other women feel a bit inferior. I don't post a bottle feeding photo as a) no one ever takes photos of me when I'm feeling her and b) I'd feel like it would be judged.
Is this an unreasonable opinion?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 16/01/2022 17:05

YABU.

Their "success" has no bearing on your experience at all. The fact that you allow yourself to feel inferior is the thing that you have to deal with, not try to make the breastfeeding mother's feel bad. This will probably come with time. Motherhood is full of moments fo feel guilty about and pretty much all of them become completely irrelevant as you progress through parenthood.

Your babies were happy and fed. At the end of the day that is all that matters.

IDontKnow00 · 16/01/2022 17:05

@IDontKnow00

I feel for you but as gently as I can this is your issue. It's understandable why you feel it's triggering but what you went through does not at all mean you failed at anything. This is something you should try work through as you're being very hard on yourself when you shouldn't be.

When you post a picture of your child on SM do you stop to think about all those who are going through infertility might be feeling about that? I assume you don't? It's a similar principle and I who has fertility struggles (nor I assume you?) feel like everyone should stop posting photos of their children online because it can be triggering to some.

I hope you make peace with your BF struggles.

I meant I DONT feel like everyone should stop posting pictures of their children on SM

HardbackWriter · 16/01/2022 17:05

Like others I don't think your feelings are unreasonable but I do think it's unreasonable to expect others not to post pictures because it might make you feel like that. When I was going through recurrent miscarriage I absolutely hated seeing people post pregnancy and baby photos, and I don't think I was being unreasonable to feel like that but of course they weren't wrong to share their happy news.

firstimemamma · 16/01/2022 17:05

The uk has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world and anything that promotes it is to be welcomed and encouraged imo. Yabu.

housemaus · 16/01/2022 17:07

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue

Social media can be triggering in many ways; I think it's our responsibility to try to stay away from it or manage our use of it. Someone who has suffered with losses or infertility could be triggered by any posts you make that reference your children, for example - does that mean you shouldn't post anything about motherhood? You aren't a failure for not breastfeeding and someone else doing it doesn't reflect on you at all. Social media forces us to compare our lives to others and that can be very damaging and self destructive. We can't stop people posting what are really quite innocuous things such as breastfeeding, we can only try to deal with our own reactions and issues that it stirs up.

This is beautifully put.

Justgettingbye · 16/01/2022 17:09

Just remember that it's a photo and the reality is probably very different.

CurtainTroubles · 16/01/2022 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Vallmo47 · 16/01/2022 17:13

Yes I’m sorry Op I agree with the others while also empathising with you for finding it difficult. I say that as someone who failed to breastfeed my firstborn and finally succeeded with my second. I was so so incredibly happy the second time round when it finally worked for us. It was a huge achievement. No way would I mean to offend anyone by talking about it, it’s just my journey and my accomplishment.
I do completely understand though - there’s a whole DAY devoted to celebrating our mums every year and despite it having been 14 years since my mum died it still cuts like a knife. I do stay away from social media in the build up to this day but I’d be unreasonable to ask people to stop posting about it. Take care x

PurBal · 16/01/2022 17:13

My obstetrician said it was likely I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed but I managed to against the odds (medical reasons). I don’t berate myself for giving him formula as needed either. I have posted one photo of my son on SM and it’s of me breastfeeding him. It’s from a distance (you can hardly see my face let alone him). But I choose to share as little as possible on SM as I know too many people going through infertility or relationship problems or work issues etc.

BarefootHippieChick · 16/01/2022 17:15

@VelvetChairGirl

no its not an unreasonable opinion, block them its a strange thing to do anyway. why are people posting pictures of them doing that we get told not to post pictures of kids in pants/nappies because of pervs but people are posting that odd.

It's not a strange thing to do. Breastfeeding is perfectly natural. If someone is comfortable enough with their body doing a natural function to post a picture online then that's their choice. A woman with her boobs out won't appeal to paedophiles which is the main reason why people don't want to post pictures of half naked children.

Tal45 · 16/01/2022 17:16

Because BFing is perfectly natural people often assume it must also be easy, when often it's really fucking hard. I know it was for me. I think BFing often is an achievement, I certainly felt it was after all I went through with raw nipples and my ds losing weight at first and feeding every couple hours all night long and barely sleeping. I didn't post pictures personally but I don't blame people who do, and I don't blame people who bottle feed for whatever reason because I know that BFing is fucking hard and sometimes doesn't work out no matter how much you try.

dafey · 16/01/2022 17:17

Do you think people shouldn't post photos of their babies because some people can't have them? Or what about running posts when some people are in a wheelchair?

YABCU

TitoMojito · 16/01/2022 17:17

You can't help how you feel. Looking at others social media and feeling sad or envious is a common problem many of us have. However you're not a failure because you didn’t breastfeed your baby! And I'm sure people would see no issue with you posting pictures of you bottle feeding your babies.

Somethingsnappy · 16/01/2022 17:17

Is this just not yet another example of social media causing insecurity or anxiety in others? Comparison being the thief of joy and all that. I agree with others, it's up to you to manage your own feelings, not up to others to manage them for you, or where would it end? Perhaps limit your social media if it's causing any negativity in your life.

thefamous5 · 16/01/2022 17:19

It's your problem.

If I put pictures like that on my social media, it's because I'm proud of my achievements or am trying to normalise. If you feel like that, it is your responsibility to own those feelings and do something about it.

1940s · 16/01/2022 17:20

YABU. Life is about watching people do and have things that you won't have. Imagine people not posting husbands / wives / children / accomplishments etc.

MindyStClaire · 16/01/2022 17:23

Depends on context for me.

I ebf, but posts in That Tone of Superior Mother Earth Nourishing My Baby With My Wonderful Body #breastisbest #humanmilkforhumanbabies make me roll my eyes and put a "bit of a gobshite" mark against the person's name in my head.

Posting breastfeeding photos along with others just because that's something they spend a lot of time doing with their baby is different.

Please don't feel like a failure for not breastfeeding - it comes easier to some babies and some breasts than others. It's not a mark of your skill or ability as a mother. The most natural mum in my circle of friends formula fed her three children after a horrendous time trying to breastfeed her first.

Wolfiefan · 16/01/2022 17:24

I think it’s the language. If you’re proud of BF it suggests those who didn’t or can’t should be ashamed. If you had success then they failed.
No I absolutely don’t think people post pics of BF with that intent but it clearly affects the OP.
Honestly I find many posts on social media show offy or virtue signalling. That’s why I’m very careful who I add. Well it’s one reason. Politics is another. Bitchiness another. We need to control our own social media use. And bin it off completely if it’s affecting us negatively.

Wolfiefan · 16/01/2022 17:24

X post with Mindy. YES! That’s it.

girlmom21 · 16/01/2022 17:27

Sorry OP but I agree with the others. If it's upsetting you this much you should step away from social media.

Or maybe just remove the people who are doing these things?

HardbackWriter · 16/01/2022 17:28

I think it’s the language. If you’re proud of BF it suggests those who didn’t or can’t should be ashamed. If you had success then they failed.

But by that logic what can you say you're proud of - surely it would always imply that anyone who hadn't done it wasn't as good, if that's how you want to look at it?

dafey · 16/01/2022 17:28

I think it’s the language. If you’re proud of BF it suggests those who didn’t or can’t should be ashamed. If you had success then they failed.

I don't get this.

My friend posted her marathon time (excellent). Why can't she be proud? I couldn't walk a marathon, doesn't make me feel bad or ashamed.

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/01/2022 17:28

Yes it is.

If you feel sensitive about it come off social media or mute those accounts. There’s nothing wrong with proud of breastfeeding - and no one can be expected to take into account everyone else’s feelings before they do or say anything.

We need, as a culture, to get a bit more robust. There is nothing wrong with not breast feeding whether by choice or necessity either, and no reason for you to feel bad.

Lifeisnteasy · 16/01/2022 17:29

Well… it’s their social media so they can post what they want. You can’t really stop other people being proud of things because it makes you feel bad - that’s your own issue. That said if anyone I knew posted a ‘feeding picture’ I would privately think they were a second absorbed twat. I managed 6 months of bfing without snapping a single photo of it

MindyStClaire · 16/01/2022 17:31

@dafey

I think it’s the language. If you’re proud of BF it suggests those who didn’t or can’t should be ashamed. If you had success then they failed.

I don't get this.

My friend posted her marathon time (excellent). Why can't she be proud? I couldn't walk a marathon, doesn't make me feel bad or ashamed.

Running a marathon isn't the first major decision you make for your baby though, at a time when your life has been turned upside down, you're exhausted, recovering and hormonal. It's disingenuous to compare them.

There's ways to post about, normalise and discuss breastfeeding without being a dick to your friends who tried and couldn't and are carrying (misplaced) guilt.

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