To be considering rehoming my dog?

[GuiltRiddenDilema]

Don’t want to go into too much detail but she’s a 3 year old Dobermann. Had her since 8 weeks old. Was conned by the breeder (the adult dobies I met were not her parents, her parents it turns out … were too aggressive to meet). I did everything by the book, obedience classes, socialisation classes … she just got more and more aggressive. I got a 1-1 trainer … didn’t help. Tried a different 1-1 trainer - helped in the short term but soon went backwards, tried behaviourist who said the dog was fear aggressive and would never be able to be around other dogs or children. I travelled across the country with her for a Dobermann expert who said she’s bright as a button but will always be unpredictable and temperamental.
The area we live in is the worst possible area for her temperament. Lots of offlead dogs running around, lots of small children - I’m terrified she will escape the garden or something. I can’t walk her without being constantly on edge that she’ll hurt someone/something.
I’ve tried for 2.5 years to get her through this but she’s just the same as she always was. We have good days and bad days. I train her daily, I’ve put so much time and money into her training and see nothing for it.

Problem is I love the dog dearly and she’s obsessed with me. The guilt is eating away at me. In the meantime I’m terrified and alienating all the human relationships I have as nobody will come to my house anymore. I can’t even have my grandchild over.
She needs an experienced owner, one that can actually give her some kind of a life.
I’d contact a breed specific rescue and keep her until they could find a suitable experienced owner. I don’t want her going into kennels and I’m not interested in money. I just want to save her 😢

I just don’t know what to do anymore. My own adult children will no longer visit 😔

@CovidCorvid I agree with you , I had a very tricky pony when I was young and the easiest thing would be to sell her on but I was scared what would happen to her . If I couldn't keep her as a pet I would have had her euthanised. It's Much more normal in the horse world than the dog world to do this and it shouldn't be the worst outcome . If she hurts a human she will be pts anyway and how will you live with yourself worrying about where she is for the next ten years . A sad situation all round though .

So many people are saying to put the dog to sleep. PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.

Find a reputable rehoming charity that specializes in the breed. They will be able to assess the dog and come to a decision about what's right.

I have a dog with nervous aggression, however he is a chihuahua, so it's a lot more manageable than such a large breed. We live in the countryside and we have no young children in the family. He is perfectly content and happy with us, he just gets scared when strangers are around and when in unfamiliar places. He wouldn't attack anyone, he just needs his own space when scared.

I hope that your dog can be rehomed to a similar type of place.

A family member had their dog PTS last month after it went for and bit their wife, don't wait until the inevitable happens. You have pulled out all the stops and done everything you can for your dog (our family member didn't, lock down puppy and zero training 🤬)

You know the dog and the risks, you have had experts explain this to you. If your dog escapes and seriously injures or kills someone it will entirely be your fault. Can you live with that?

Attempting to rehome will just be stressful for the dog and it is unlikely to be successful. I know PTS will be unbearable, but it is the right thing and your ONLY option.

Your dog is not happy. You are not happy. Your family is not happy.

For who’s benefit are you prolonging the situation? You have tried everything for her. Having her PTS does not make you a bad owner. It is doing what is right for her. No matter how hard it is.

Sometimes being PTS is the kindest option. From her point of view, she is with her favourite person for all her life, and has no awareness that the end has come. In her mind she's lived a lovely three years and all is great to the very end. The alternative may be that she leaves her favourite person and faces an uncertain and stressed future. This isn't nice for her. I know and sympathise about how much it will hurt you to have her PTS, but please think it over, and with the mindset that there would be no guilt in making that decision. Humans tend to want to live forever and in whatever circumstances, and they can foresee that while things might be bad in the interim, they will improve, which sustains them through the bad times. Animals live only in the present - they don't hope for a future, and a bad present is not offset for them by the posibility of better times.

I really synmpathise - losing an animal that you love is really hard, and it's clear you love her and have her best interests at heart.

This happened to a friend of mine with a much smaller breed dog. He had him PTS as he couldn’t have forgiven himself if the dog went elsewhere and became even more aggressive and out of control.

Its real genuine love to rehome a dog you can't cope with...and don't ask for her to come back to you, that helps nobody. Yes approach breed specific rehoming but also PTS is not the worst thing that can happen. I have had a dog PTS who wasn't safe, she loved me and was very gentle with me but had funny turns when she would be dangerous. I took advice first but it was some 20 years ago when much less was known about dog behaviour and psychology.

I'm sorry, but I agree with most of the PP that in the circumstances you describe you should have her humanely put to sleep. I have never, ever advised that before and have zero time for people who aren't committed to the dogs they've taken on. But some animals are simply not suited to the lives available to them in this world, and being quietly put to sleep is far better - for her and for others - than living a life in which she is always afraid and stressed and always a risk to others.

So many people are saying to put the dog to sleep. PLEASE DON'T DO THAT

But at what point should the dog be put to sleep? Before it’s bitten someone or after?

There are far too many instances of dogs attacking people (especially children) for us to not stand back and be objective about the situation.

In the meantime, surely your aggressive dog is muzzled when on walks and in the garden? It’s not fair to allow your dog to have the opportunity to escape or approach other animals or humans and traumatise them.

You’re putting your own wants before anyone else’s-above your kid, your grandkid, your animal must be miserable living on its nerves. Doesn’t that make you feel guilty? Wouldn’t passing the problem onto someone else make you feel guilty? Realistically, what do you think will be the outcome here? Animals rescues are overflowing with dogs that aren’t dangerous, and are struggling to rehome them.
How would you feel about being prosecuted if your dog attacks? What about if the council orders it to be ‘destroyed’? Tell us what you think this animals life will be like, years or stress and unhappiness-for both of you.

@CovidCorvid

When i was having issues someone from the dog board said to me that being put to sleep is not the worst thing which can happen to a dog. I didn’t understand at first and thought of course it is. But the more I thought about it the more I realised they were right. Being so afraid of life /everything is worse for the dog, they must be miserable and uptight to act like this. Rehoming a fearful dog might not be nice for it in the short term though I accept if somehow the fear can be resolved in a new home then long term it might be better. But that’s a gamble. Personally one I wasn’t prepared to take as I knew we’d tried everything. I thought that being rehomed, being scared by new people and then being pts anyway with strangers holding him would be worse than me taking him to the vet. Worst decision I’ve ever had to make and six years on I’m crying as I type this.

I think you did a very brave, and very humane thing @CovidCorvid.

Dobermanns get so attached to their owners that I think the chances of a successful rehome aren't good. I'm sorry to say that I think pts may well be the best option, OP.

OP poor you and poor dog. What a terribly sad situation, those breeders are disgusting.

I do unfortunately have to agree with others who are saying PTS might be the kindest thing for her. Rehoming her would be really stressful, confusing and heartbreaking for her as she clearly loves you deeply. And you cannot guarantee that that will work out for her either. You ultimately have no idea of what you are sending her off to, or whose hands she may wind up in.

If she is PTS, she will be beyond any suffering. It's you that will suffer, greatly, I'm sure. But you'll be suffering out of love for her and putting her best interests first.

YANTS I think your post wins for the worst advice I've ever seen on MN.
OP I agree with PP in that passing her to a rescue is effectively passing the buck and not fair on your dog. Imagine her fear and anxiety in that situation- it isn't kind at all. A dobie expert has told you that her temperament will not improve- I'm not sure what else a RC can do with a dog like that.

What a hard situation. It sounds like you've tried really hard.

She doesn't sound like a happy dog, and if you had her rehomed, would you not be worried that she might escape from her new home and seriously injure someone?

I would be thinking about euthanasia at this stage. I know it's really really hard to do though.

To be brutally honest the priority here as a responsible dog owner shouldn't be how much the animal loves and adores you or is bonded and obsessed with you.

The priority should be what is the best and safest thing for the animal and everyone else. Putting her to sleep will be less stressful for her than passing her on. Putting her to sleep means she can't bite anyone.

Oh op I love dogs but this situation is untenable. You can't hehome as it would be irresponsible and you can't live worried your dog is going to kill someone fgs. Have her put to sleep and get another dog, from a reputable breeder though next time

OP, this is a horrible situation and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. If you look on the Kennel Club website you will find the 'official' breed rescue. Please be completely open with them. They may well take her in but be prepared if they won't. If they won't I strongly suggest you have her PTS. It's a hard and horrible decision but (barring Rescue) the best solution for both of you as she would be at peace and you will mourn her and then live your life free of worry.
I am the secretary of a breed club (not Dobes) and help out with breed rescue when I can so am speaking from experience.

Honestly you're a disgrace to have such a dangerous dog in a small garden in London. If she escapes and attacks someone, you will be arrested and rightly so not to mention the damage she could do.
If my mother chose a dog over her grandkids safety, I'd be devastated.

She sounds like a working dog, are there charities that would assess her suitability as a guard dog?

@GuiltRiddenDilema

Are you happy that if you regime the dog. It’s more than likely to be put down?

I’ve worked with dogs like that. Experienced owner won’t make a difference. It’s the unpredictability

End of….

My heart goes out to you love and your dog! You sound as though you are willing to try anything and obviously love your dobe very much! Putting her first, we have owned security working dogs for years and I think in your situation we would put her into a breed specialist rescue, where they would be training on a one to one basis , I’d give her a chance by doing this and be very honest telling them everything! As she is it’s not working for you at your home is it, I’m spitting feathers with the breeders that you got her from advertising her on champ dogs so disgusted, if you do this then the specialist rescue can at least try once they are told the facts and see for themselves, such a shame as she could make a excellent guard dog if could lose the fear aggression, not going to happen overnight of course nothing is that quick! I would want to do this for her, fingers crossed for you love but there is always a chance that they could say she should be PTS, and although heartbreaking to do you have to think of the dog

I think you’re just covering the guilt

It’s highly unlikely that homes would take her. You don’t mind her living in a kennel? If she couldn’t ever be rehomed?

It’s very rare that anyone takes on an aggressive dog.

@anditgoesonandon I used to think euthanising a young-ish dog was horrific, but when you actually think about it-why? What’s worse-painless death within seconds, or years of stress hormones flooding the aggressive dogs body, choosing to put other dogs and humans at risk, your relatives wanting nothing to do with you, year after year of stress and misery inflicted on the animal and the owner, maybe pass the problem on to someone else to deal with, distressing the dog further. Would you be ok with this animal attacking yours?
Think before you advise anyone to keep a dangerous animal.

She's a ticking time bomb, unless you can get a specific rescue no one will be able to re-home her.

I see a few of these threads on Mumsnet and they rarely mention medication ...I would speak to your GP to see if something like fluoxetine might help. There are some studies showing it might be helpful for fear aggressive behaviour.

I've got a cocker spaniel who has been on it for a year and whose behaviour has improved (did all the training before, and he's a very smart dog and learns quickly, but behavioural training can only go so far for temperament and reactivity).

He hasn't snapped in the year he has been on fluoxetine. I will still never trust him 100%, he is securely muzzled if there are children about, (he has never in his 6 years shown a hint of aggression towards children but I am not prepared to take that chance.)

His quality of life and my own are so much better since starting on meds.