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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Found the perfect way to get people out of my house

131 replies

Iwasonline · 16/01/2022 06:05

DS1 had a small, at home birthday party yesterday. The party was almost done and guests were about to have birthday cake.

DS1, just turned five, ran into the room and in a loud and clear voice announces.... "everybody, once you've eaten your cake the party has finished and you have to go."

Amused and mortified. Aibu to actually be kinda proud at his clear boundaries? made me laugh. disclaimer. We are at the very early stages of autism diagnosis

OP posts:

DowntonCrabby · 16/01/2022 06:18

ahhh bless him.

FluffyBooBoo · 16/01/2022 06:23

Can you hire him out? That's a few people in here that might be interested...

Zoflorabore · 16/01/2022 06:25

Haha this reminds me of my ds when he was little. He's almost 19 and was dx with autism when he was 8.

I've got a great solution for not having any visitors at all though, we got a husky a year ago and he's a big daft baby but he's massive and people don't tend to visit which is a bonus

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 16/01/2022 06:25

This is excellent. I have a neighbour that keeps popping over in the evenings for a chat, and always ends up staying about 45mins. Id love to have your DS on hand to make him leave.

IbuGerry · 16/01/2022 06:56

I nursed in aged care and the family held a 100th birthday party for their mum. Mum wasn’t best pleased and not fussed with parties. After a while she said to her daughters “give them all a piece of cake and tell to all bugger off home”.

FindingMeno · 16/01/2022 07:00

I know someone ( an adult) who just says " OK time to go. You're boring me now"

Original poster

Iwasonline · 16/01/2022 07:03

I love him for all his quirks. He's a polite boy- he's learnt social conventions by wrote. But he did ask my mum last month "why do you always give us junk food. It isn't good for our bodies."

OP posts:

Original poster

Iwasonline · 16/01/2022 07:03

Or is it by rote?

OP posts:

persephone19 · 16/01/2022 07:04

'Rote' I think.

My autistic boy is much the same. Of a stranger comes into our house he just goes up to them and says 'hm. Who are you?'

Roselilly36 · 16/01/2022 07:08

Exactly the sort of thing my DS2 would have done at that age 😂 he is still outspoken and says it like it is. He is severely dyslexic, and sees the world differently, and is possibly the wisest person I know.

cookiemonster2468 · 16/01/2022 07:11

It is funny.

But it's important he knows that it's not polite as well - even if he's autistic and it's just a case of teaching him directly that he doesn't tell people to leave.

Personally I also wouldn't indulge it even on his birthday - a 5 year old doesn't get to call the shots like that.

MondayYogurt · 16/01/2022 07:12

Reminds me of this twitter.com/asiankopite/status/1480124203449954304?s=21

Imayhaveerred · 16/01/2022 07:21

@cookiemonster2468

It is funny.

But it's important he knows that it's not polite as well - even if he's autistic and it's just a case of teaching him directly that he doesn't tell people to leave.

Personally I also wouldn't indulge it even on his birthday - a 5 year old doesn't get to call the shots like that.

But isn’t this how we end up with all these awkward situations where anxious people aren’t sure if they have overstayed and CF dig in like ticks?

I would love it if people were this clear all the time! “Yes, do pop round for a drink but please fuck off by 9.30 as I like to have my PJs on by then.”

Original poster

Iwasonline · 16/01/2022 07:21

@cookiemonster2468 don't worry, I'm teaching him not to be feral. He's largely a kind and polite child. My kids definitely aren't allowed to get away with rude behaviour. He just sees the world in a different way. His filters are just not very refined yet

OP posts:

Bex268 · 16/01/2022 07:41

@cookiemonster2468

No, it’s not important to know that some people consider it impolite. Maybe he, along with thousands and thousands are others, has the right attitude. He wasn’t being rude at all. It only seems rude because some of us are hung up on what social traditions.

F* that!

My little boy is currently going through a diagnosis too and I’m learning more from him every day. I’m becoming more and more convinced that being NT is a hindrance!

Let the boy be.

Mummy1608 · 16/01/2022 07:46

@Iwasonline

I love him for all his quirks. He's a polite boy- he's learnt social conventions by wrote. But he did ask my mum last month "why do you always give us junk food. It isn't good for our bodies."

I LOVE this so much... my MIL loves plying us with brownies, rocky road etc and my dh eats them just out of obligation, I don't touch them. I hope when my DD is older she'll say the same as your DS!

Riddo · 16/01/2022 07:47

When DS was a toddler, he would wave and say bye bye to guests when he'd had enough. It was surprisingly effective 😂

Curlyreine · 16/01/2022 07:48

He is brilliant! My ASD DC1 (13) is the same. He loves abiding by rules/boundaries and never understands why people hang around (inc myself, even saying goodbye). Over the years, I have learnt that it's better for him if we do parties outside of the home because there is a clear cut off point, people often help with the tidying up and then get out. Which doesn't happen in homes.

I certainly do not think your DC or mine is rude at all. I find the NT people hanging around more of a hindrance, if I am being honest.

DH was also a pub manager for years and also has no issue with telling people (politely but firmly) that the allocated time slot has finished, and it's time for people to move on.

The pair of them are great at wrapping up afternoon bbqs etc.

DropYourSword · 16/01/2022 07:50

Agree with some previous posters. I don’t think it’s particularly impolite. I think it’s great to set a clear expectation. Wish more people would do this to be honest!!

Original poster

Iwasonline · 16/01/2022 07:50

Unfortunately he has very strong personal boundaries but zero respect for other peoples boundaries. We are holding his boundaries strong - which is a huge weakness in my family - whilst teaching him that he needs to listen to others.

You'll always know what he is thinking. Good and bad. Apparently my bottom is also getting bigger

OP posts:

Scoobygang7 · 16/01/2022 07:51

I remember many years ago going my friends child's 3rd birthday. She opened my presents and I'd bought her painting stuff. Few minutes later she stands in the middle of the room and states. Everyone has to leave soon coz when you go, mum says I can paint.

At least I know my present was a hit. They just don't have a filter which is great and mortifying all at once.

StellaGibson118 · 16/01/2022 07:52

The party was almost done and it was his party so he wasn't rude at all

I am always on the cusp of saying the same sort of thing but I'm too much of a people pleaser to say it. I try yawning but one friend just doesn't get the hint.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 16/01/2022 07:52

@Iwasonline

I love him for all his quirks. He's a polite boy- he's learnt social conventions by wrote. But he did ask my mum last month "why do you always give us junk food. It isn't good for our bodies."

But that is surely down to you or his dad? Have you said in front of him that the food his Grandma gives him is junk food, because someone, at some time, has mentioned in a very close time period, what food they consider to come under the junk food category, and the type of food that Grandma gives him! A 5 year old does not work that out all by themselves, but they do have very big ears!

Goldandguns · 16/01/2022 07:53

I love this 😁 my in laws video call from abroad regularly and when my 2 year old has had enough she just shouts "BYEEEE" and the call ends soon after that. I adore them but I find video calls quite draining!

Xmasbaby11 · 16/01/2022 07:56

My asd dd is 10 and also says things along those lines - it is rude and mortifying now she's older. She'll often say she's bored when the gp are here. And announce she wants to leave when we're out.

You can get away with it at 5, just about but he definitely needs to know it's not acceptable!

In the case of visitors hanging around, we usually agreee times in advance so there's no awkwardness.

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