to think that it's more socially acceptable

[Flutterflybutterby]

in the UK to be a functioning alcoholic than to be entirely sober?

As someone who has been both (and is now the latter) I have found this to be the case. Being a functional alcoholic is almost considered funny, a quirk, even a positive thing in certain situations! Whereas being sober is met with eye rolls. Just wondering your thoughts and experiences of this?

YANBU.

I drink very little, a glass or two of wine at home or out for a meal, and quite often on nights out will choose to drive and not drink.

I wonder if/think people feel my not drinking means I’m judging them for drinking.

Covid has been a good excuse to cut ties with one particular couple who spend the whole time we are with them going “oh go on, just one won’t hurt, leave the car” even going so far as to buy me an alcoholic drink when I’ve asked for a soft drink.

YANBU
The amount of times I’ve met clients or interviewed for roles where the final question was “do you drink - because you. An never trust someone who doesn’t drink” would be evidence of that.
May just be my industry, but work is done in office, strategy and planning done in pub.

TBF a lot of barriers and inhabitants are broken down after a couple of drinks and decisions made. But, 9-5 officiate hours do suffer from productivity loss IMO, but this seems to be acceptable and encouraged a little I think in favour of the team bonding and contacts made

I think Downing Street is not a typical workplace in the UK. However much they try to gaslight the public that it's all normal and acceptable.

Drinking alcohol is part of the social bonding between people.

If you don't drink you are seen as not participating.

Without a doubt

I've been teetotal for over 5 years and nobody cares. Yabu.

Completely agree.

I don't drink and am treated like a weirdo.

I have a friend who is basically a functioning alcoholic but doesn't seem to realise. It's endless jokes about wine o'clock and gin... everyone else seems to find it hilarious

Do you actually describe yourself to other people as "sober" using that particular word? If so, that might partly explain some of the reaction you get.

I think it's a cultural thing. Alcohol is a huge thing in the UK, it bonds people. I never feel like I know my colleagues as well until I have a night out with them. I'm in my early 40s and from NE England though so it may be different in other areas. Alcohol in the NE has been seen as a way to relax and unwind after a hard day at work.
Not saying it's a bad thing not to drink and I can see it changing in the generation after me. I have a sister who is early 20s and drinks maybe once a year and my younger sister in law in her 20s rarely drinks.

I work with people under 25 though and a lot of them don't drink but take drugs instead.

I can imagine it would be really hard going against the grain and not drinking in this country.

I feel the whole 'isn't it hilarious how much Sandra loves a drink' is because the alternative is too serious and awkward to state.

The not drinking eye rolls and 'aren't you dull' stem from a fear of being judged.

I do drink, but barely. I don't make a big thing of it. I never feel judged for not drinking. I think most people just assume I'm driving.

I think it depends how you present your “not drinking”. Some people don’t make a big deal about it and still get into the spirit of an event.

Others present it as some kind of smug virtuous behaviour and an excuse to be standoffish. I don’t blame people for disliking the latter.

I agree, for years I drank way too much (I still often do) and no one battered an eyelid, even found it funny that I would drink so much I would pass out, but I used it as a way to cope with the stress of work and calm the anxiety I had around my children. I try to drink less, and don't drink at all in the week now and people find it strange if I go out and don't share a bottle of wine. Once I start I find it hard to stop.

There is an acre of land between an alcoholic and 'totally sober' person surely?

Its there no middle gounds in your world?

I would consider myself a functioning alcoholic nor a 'totally sober'' as I have a pint with dinner on a friday.

Maybe you mean a Tea-total- I'm not that either!

@firstimemamma

I've been teetotal for over 5 years and nobody cares. Yabu.

I've been teetotal for longer than that, and no, nobody cares in the slightest.

@Jossbow

There is an acre of land between an alcoholic and 'totally sober' person surely?

Its there no middle gounds in your world?

I would consider myself a functioning alcoholic nor a 'totally sober'' as I have a pint with dinner on a friday.

Maybe you mean a Tea-total- I'm not that either!

I think the OP is using the two extremes to show how fucked-up our drinking culture is, not to suggest that there's nothing in between.

I don’t drink and no one cares. Having said that, I do find it odd that so many people moan about their alcoholic consumption without just actively changing in. I think far more people are functioning alcoholics than like to think they are.

Being a functional alcoholic is almost considered funny, a quirk, even a positive thing in certain situations!

No it isn't. You're wildly exaggerating there.

Being a drinker is often almost considered funny, a quirk, even a positive thing in certain situations etc but not actual alcoholism.

I barely drink and DH never does. The only people who care are those whose lives focus around drinking/use drinking to socialise. As soon as you get away from those people, you find that no one really cares.

YANBU. I’m a Brit but live in the US. It’s not a big deal whatsoever that I’m sober here, but I was always something to be commented on/slightly mocked back home.

It's a class thing I think too

My friend who I consider a functioning alcoholic is very middle class. It's all absolutely hilarious and jolly japes when you're drinking expensive wine and whiskey in your huge 100k kitchen extension.

Sitting in your council flat knocking back strong lager and cider...you're just scum

I am treated like a bit of an outcast because I haven't drank for years. Nights out, weekends away - all evolve around booze- let's gin tasting, let's go cocktail making ! (for example). If I was a vegan would they arrange a night in a steakhouse for dinner!? Also still expected to pay equal share on nights out when i've been on water. Winds me right up! So yes, I think more socially acceptable to be a boozer than not!

I think it depends on your social group.

I’m not teetotal, but rarely drink when out as I generally need to drive home. I find the people I know are surprised initially but completely accepting as long as you have a reasonable excuse - drinking is definitely seen as the “norm” and not drinking needs to be explained.

However, my mother is teetotal (doesn’t like alcohol) and there is a certain “type” (think “ladies who lunch”, although not exclusively women!) who tries to bully her into drinking and makes her feel very awkward when she refuses. It’s almost like her not drinking is a personal affront to them, despite her genuinely not judging what anyone else is drinking.

I get pressure and sometimes narky comments from others, and lots of ‘how do you manage it?!’ from others. Brush this off tbh and see it as their problem not mine.

Was at a huge party the other day, was the only person not pissed and taking class A drugs - age range 20-60 and from all different social backgrounds. I always get up and get everyone dancing, and have loads of fun with only aching feet to show the next day, whereas everyone else is hanging for days.

Think we as a society in the UK rely on drink and drugs to loosen up as a bit repressed. I find drunk people a bit boring and have left parties as a result.

Re not trusting people who don’t drink, I understand this. I know I don’t drink much as I like to have total control of myself and not say things I’ll regret. This might put other people’s backs up a bit.

If I’m with new people I often offer to get the round and get myself a tonic water etc.

*I think it depends how you present your “not drinking”. Some people don’t make a big deal about it and still get into the spirit of an event.

Others present it as some kind of smug virtuous behaviour and an excuse to be standoffish. I don’t blame people for disliking the latter.*

^Sums it up perfectly. If you actually describe your self to people as being 'sober' unprompted rather than just 'no thanks, i don't drink' when offered a drink it's like a state of being that is somehow part of your identity and can come across smug and judgemental. There's hundreds of things I don't do, however I don't feel a need to address that i don't do them unless asked to.

I'd also be interested in what you think is a functioning alcoholic OP? As opposed to someone who just enjoys a drink. I find with any behaviour (drink, drugs, sex, masturbating, gambling ect - even doing the lottery), those who make not doing it at all part of their identity are quicker to call people 'addicts' than those who do it occasionally and can recognise others doing it occasionally (even if it's occasionally more), rather than catastrophising the behaviour