to think that it's more socially acceptable

[Flutterflybutterby]

in the UK to be a functioning alcoholic than to be entirely sober?

As someone who has been both (and is now the latter) I have found this to be the case. Being a functional alcoholic is almost considered funny, a quirk, even a positive thing in certain situations! Whereas being sober is met with eye rolls. Just wondering your thoughts and experiences of this?

I'm 4 years clean from being a binge drinker, a litre of Bailey's before going out & drinking 20 double spirits was normal for a Friday night & then 3-4 bottles of wine on a Saturday night. Even my partner dying of alcoholism didn't stop me. I haven't had a dink since Christmas 2017. It doesn't bother me, there are so many alcohol free drinks available now, I have found alcohol free lager, wine & spirits that I like just as much & no hangovers.

@Nat6999 I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been awful.

But congrats on 4 years on!

I think it really does make a difference how you present it. I mean, it seems some people act like twats no matter how you phrase it (though I've never come across that issue even tho I only very occasionally drink). But the reaction you get will depend somewhat on how you communicate the fact you don't want an alcoholic drink. Like word choice, e.g. I don't drink vs. I'm sober vs. I'm teetotal vs. I'm a non-drinker; the tone you use; whether or not you give a reason and what that reason is; whether you actually say you don't want alcohol or just say "diet Coke/soda water/[whatever] please"; and whether you communicate that you never drink alcohol as opposed to just declining to drink alcohol right now

I agree with this. In general conversation (friends, colleagues, meeting people for the first time) anywhere outside of AA, if you answer with "I'm sober", then that language is an implied criticism of anyone who drinks alcohol. Whether you intend it that way or not, it is implied by the language. If someone is offering round wine, and you say "No thanks" or "No thanks, have you got any soft drinks?" then that isn't an issue in the overwhelming majority of settings. In fact it is very normal. Having read the thread I am discovering there are some exceptions to that.

You can drink alcohol without being a functioning alcoholic and nobody cares if you don't drink at all (we just don't want to be lectured) I know many that don't drink and it's no big deal

Couldn't care less if you drink or not to be honest as long as you are fun to be around.

Weirdly though it always seems to be the sober people who who end up going home at 10pm to bed though.

@shropshire11

I think it depends how you present your “not drinking”. Some people don’t make a big deal about it and still get into the spirit of an event.

Others present it as some kind of smug virtuous behaviour and an excuse to be standoffish. I don’t blame people for disliking the latter.

Exactly this.

It's the same as being vegan 😊

An ex was absolutely incensed by my not wanting to drink much. It was an affront to polite society, a common-as-muck underhanded judgement upon 'normal middleclass families' and his family/friends if I politely ordered a soft drink rather than have wine and an 'insult to the chef' if I wanted water in a restaurant. I never said I was teetotal, sober, didn't drink or anything like that, either But I would get lectures about how offensive i was being nonetheless.

It put me off drinking far more than going to a pub and having somebody say 'Are you sure? Go on, live a little' - mainly because those people would normally then go on to say 'Oh, OK' or laugh when I've said I'm perfectly capable of making a complete tit of myself in public without adding alcohol into the mix - and they don't mention it again

But then again, I'm also the boring as fuck person who doesn't eat gluten/wheat/oats/barley/dairy/chocolate/ultra processed sugars and goes to the gym because it makes me happy. Maybe they're assuming that I'm some sort of health nut.

Other than the odd half glass of prosecco or champagne to toast at a wedding, I haven't drunk alcohol my whole adult life. Nobody - school, university, work or socially, has ever rolled their eyes at me.

I have several young relations / godchildren who have never drunk alcohol since the age of 18 or so. Again, they live their lives unhassled.

Just not an issue.

I get far more comments and surprised reactions when people find out I don't like tea!

Can't say I ever had that problem (I drink half a pint of ale at most before switching to mocktails), but then again I don't socialise with judgmental assholes.

I don't drink and a lot of people- not all by a long shot- consider it odd. To the point of "deciding" to randomly buy me alcohol when I've clearly asked for a coke or other soft drink at a meal.