Do parents not pay for weddings these days??

[justasking111]

I'm thinking we're a bit behind the times in Wales because we still pay as parents for weddings, now it's money dependant, finances allowing as to how much hoopla there is.

I find it sad whenever folks on here talk of saving up for their own wedding

Am I being unreasonable to think it's the final gift to your child??

I agree with you TBH. When we were married( here in England! ) my parents paid for the Reception/Photographer ,my Nan the dress .And My In laws a new carpet and the fees for our first house. Bridesmaids their own dresses ,and MIL /SIL a very beautiful cake ! All we paid for were flowers and the cars. My parents were not at all rich and used a loan as well as savings . It seems a shame for children to have to fork out for this on top of everything else!

Depends on the means of parents and desires of the child.
If my daughters marry, we will probably give 3-4k as a contribution, to be spent as the wish.

We paid for it ourselves, so when my mother started trying to flex on who she wanted invited I had a Paddington Bear hard stare, ditto when she tried to change the seating plan and the layout of the room the night before the wedding.

We didn't ask but MIL paid for the meal and DH's suit. We had a tiny tiny wedding (8 people!) so that amounted to about £600, my mum paid £900 for my wedding ring.

However in laws gave us about £50k since for two properties. We didn't really expect anything so were chuffed.

A basic wedding yes absolutely I would pay but hell no to paying 15+grand for a wedding the things that get added in to weddings these days are ridiculous.I will give money towards it and buy dd her dress when the time comes.

I live in Wales and don't know any parents who have paid for weddings

Or... everyone makes a saving if you don't get married.

The whole concept of marriage seems a bit old fashioned to me. A big waste of money. If I wanted to throw an extravagant party to celebrate the love I have for my OH (who I have been with for 18 years by the way) then I certainly wouldn't expect my mum to pay!

@PinkSparklyPussyCat what an incredibly generous thing to do! You have a lovely uncle

YABU. It's outdated to expect the brides parents to pay for the wedding. My parents paid for mine 10 years ago but I certainly didn't expect it, they wanted to as they were in a financial position to do so but many families aren't.

Final gift to a child?

That kind of implies the same thing that female titles do, that you aren’t an adult until you are married (Miss - child Mrs - adult, much like Master/Mister only men get theirs automatically).

If my parents want to make a final gift to me, they are a bit late. They’ve been dead for 26 and 13 years respectively and I’m not married yet.

We're wedding planning atm. My parents have offered us some money, which I've said yes to, as every little helps but it was neither solicited nor expected. I certainly wouldn't expect nor want them to pay for the whole shebang. My parents would definitely take what I want into account but I would rather have overall control. Even with my wishes in mind, mum and I have v different taste & ideas, lol.

Especially given my mum actually hates weddings, I consider their contribution a truly unexpected bonus. They paid for my education and helped me with a home, I thought that was in lieu of wedding funds- certainly two better investments.

What about second and further weddings. Who pays for those?

I got married 40 years ago. My parents bought buffet food and the cake. None of my children are married but I can’t afford to pay for their weddings if they choose to marry. I have helped them all in various ways though.

There is no way on this planet that my parents would pay towards my wedding (if I were to get married!). They have absolutely no money. I imagine my partners side would probably want to give a lot of money towards it. One

I married 20 years ago (to a Welshman) neither family helped. We though only had a very small non-extravagant wedding. We were saving up to buy a house (took another 5 years) parents on both sides offered a small loan to help us get the house we wanted . which we then paid back over the years.

Now with one at uni and one in secondary- we still paying into a mortgage and with having paid childcare fees when they where younger I have a dire pension so trying to play catch up a bit. I don’t think we will be able to pay for any weddings - we would offer what we can but I think I’d prefer (if we have any savings) to help them get on the property ladder.

I wouldn't expect or want anyone to pay towards it.

I have heard of so many people having these massive weddings abroad, parents pay for it all and within the year they are divorced!

Total waste of money and I would feel sooo guilty if it went tits up and my family had paid for it!

Unless you come from a very wealthy family, I'd think it was rude to expect parents to pay! Great if you're in a position to do so and want to, but I don't agree with the 'final gift to your child'

I paid for my own wedding (though dad did buy my not-expensive dress as a gift) and would never have expected parents to even if they were well off. It's a very privileged thing to be able to do nowadays I think, I don't know any of my friends had parents to pay either. So many people are struggling to live.

We paid for own wedding 18 yrs ago. I think back in the day people’s expectations matched their finances a bit better- church then buffet down the village hall, these days a lot of people want something Hello photographer worthy.

I’ll give a house deposit but nothing for basically a big party. If they want that, they can fund it themselves.

30 years ago the average age for a woman to get married was 23. Given this was an average, many would have been younger, with few savings. Also, weddings were cheaper. Cold buffet, church hall, no Vera Wang malarkey. People were less mobile, so the parents were paying for a big party for their friends/people they knew. Not going to the city their daughter graduated in which she stayed in, and meeting her friends they hadn't met, and Gary's family from Norfolk, and paying for strangers.

Most people now get married in their 30s. They are quite capable of paying for it themselves in most cases. If not, they need to plan something more modest.

And don't even get me started on wedding lists. Back in the day, when people lived at home before getting married, it was a nice thing for people to do and very practical to give a set of sheets, a kettle, a saucepan set etc. for the new home.

Now we have affluent people in their late 30s who already have a home and a mortgage asking for Alessi kettles and engraved silver salt cellars with the couple's initials.

I'm in Wales, yes my family as the bride paid for the wedding. My grandmother bought my wedding dress for me as a gift and then all other cost were covered by my family.

We divorced eventually due to horrific DV a went to court and charges were upheld and he was found guilty.

It's the norm in my peer group for bride's family to pay for the majority of the wedding and groom's family tend to pay for the evening reception.

I am much more concerned with helping my DD get onto the housing ladder when she is ready. I will be releasing a lump sum from my pension. Already helped her through university and paying for additional qualifications she is doing to ensure she gets a good career going.

If and when she gets married will help out a bit but would much rather her not pay rent for her accommodation. Weddings seem such a horrendous expense in the scheme of things.

It's an archaic tradition. We've said we'll contribute - pay for the dress, or the cake or whatever as a gift - but they know we won't be paying for the whole thing. Most people are much older when they get married these days and have been earning for a long time. I think it would actually be more help to young couples if parents could help them onto the housing ladder rather than pay thousands for one day in their lives.

My father paid for virtually all of mine.

The majority of weddings at which I've been a guest have been paid for by parents. But then that's mostly been either offspring of very wealthy parents with less wealthy children), or Christian weddings of people often only just graduated, where parents are not wealthy but children have hardly anything to their name, so parents pay for modest weddings and church family help out with catering, flowers, music etc.

I was surprised when parents paid for one friend's wedding. The bride's parents were millionaires, but the groom was a multi-millionaire. The FoB had a terminal diagnosis, and apparently had viewed the expensive wedding as a way to pass on a few hundred thousand without paying inheritance tax

My dad paid for my wedding 36 years ago but it was a very modest wedding. In fact I did not want a church wedding, it was my horrible MIL who insisted whilst not wanting to contribute a penny. I had a second hand wedding dress.

I contributed to both dd's weddings. But I would not give a lump sum to dd1 who it was sadly clear wanted a wedding and not a marriage. She wanted me to pay for two dresses which I would not. One was enough. DD2 asked for little but I paid for her dress and some other thing. Also paid for gs's suits etc. Came to a few thousand. I think it was better helping toward the house deposit.

I think it is very old fashioned and a terrible burden on the bride's family when everything is so expensive. A friend paid for his dd because he got a deal for £2500 and said the day was lovely. Might be for this reason though!