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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do parents not pay for weddings these days??

282 replies

justasking111 · 14/01/2022 13:43

I'm thinking we're a bit behind the times in Wales because we still pay as parents for weddings, now it's money dependant, finances allowing as to how much hoopla there is.

I find it sad whenever folks on here talk of saving up for their own wedding

Am I being unreasonable to think it's the final gift to your child??

OP posts:
cherryonthecakes · 14/01/2022 14:08

I suspect that back when parents paid, weddings were more simple and cost less. Also people were younger and I expect the parents had more say over the details.

I think that the couple should expect to pay if they want a fancy wedding with no strings attached (Google says UK average is £30k 😧)

Goldenbear · 14/01/2022 14:08

My parents paid for it but our wedding was around £6000 and they could afford plus my Mum is quite traditional about most things. DH and I had been together for 10 years and had two DC by that point we were mid-late 30s so not young.

Goldenbear · 14/01/2022 14:10

My Mum in particular really wanted us to be married so I think that helped.

CaptainMerica · 14/01/2022 14:11

So many people choose to not even get married these days. Isn't it a bit unfair to pay for a wedding for one child, if their siblings choose not to bother?

Personally, I would rather put money I have for my children towards more practical help for their future - help through uni/training, their first home, or their own children.

(My parents didn't contribute towards my wedding, though they gave us a generous wedding gift afterwards).

BettyfromBristol · 14/01/2022 14:11

We will fund modest ones as and when the time comes. Anything ridiculously extravagant will need to be paid for by the bride and groom unless the other parents chip in.

Angrymum22 · 14/01/2022 14:12

I didn’t expect my parents to pay for my wedding and refused any offer.

  1. We were mid thirties and has been living together a while
  2. We did it on a small budget despite being able to go big.
  3. It meant we could do it exactly how we wanted.
  4. They had already helped me with my first house purchase. I saw that as my wedding fund spent.
They did give us a cheque for 5k as a wedding gift (tax limit at the time) and we were all gifted further amounts over the years. I also hated the idea of wasting 25k on one day. A cousin was married the year after, full works and since the couple were just out of uni parents paid in full. They were divorced within 3 yrs so all the passive aggressive comments I received at their wedding were pointless.
JackieWeaversZoomAc · 14/01/2022 14:13

Personally marriage isn't for me.
If my daughters decide to marry I certainly wouldnt expect to pay for it.

ghostmouse · 14/01/2022 14:13

I live in wales and people pay for their own weddings here where I am.

They might buy the cake or whatever or contribute but mostly pay for themselves

Angel2702 · 14/01/2022 14:14

More useful to pay towards housing deposit than a wedding. People are paying mortgages for longer and having huge pots of savings to fund weddings isn’t as easy as it once was.

nosyupnorth · 14/01/2022 14:16

If you're planning the wedding, you pay for it.

Historically it was an event of the bride's father giving her away and so he would pay for the event but generally the wedding would be within his means; these days with the culture that it is the bride's big day to celebrate herself (well, the couple, but lets be realisitic it is usually the bride doing the organising) and so the couple pays.
It would be absurd to expect the parents of the bride to just write a blank check for whatever extravaganza the bride might come up with -- the wedding industry has boomed over the past few decades and weddings are often far more elaborate and expensive now.

AllThePogs · 14/01/2022 14:16

Parents used to pay for weddings when people married young and were often leaving home for the first time. Now couples have usually been living together for a few years and are older and earning.
Also, the cost of weddings has soared. When parents used to pay it used to be in a pub room or social club and was much cheaper than today's affairs. If you want to be a bridezilla with lots of extra costs, then you pay for it yourself.

teatime9999 · 14/01/2022 14:16

I'd much rather put a deposit down on my children's houses than pay for their weddings.

thirdfiddle · 14/01/2022 14:16

Our parents kindly gave us a gift towards it (both sides). That was better because then we could choose what we wanted without feeling like we were spending other people's money.

My grandparents paid for my parents' wedding and invited all their (grandparents') friends too.

Smeds · 14/01/2022 14:16

I'm Welsh, married to a Scot and my mum didn't pay a penny Grin

The only people I know who's parents paid for the whole thing were 22 at the time of the wedding and still at university so didn't have the means to pay themselves.

CarlatheJackal · 14/01/2022 14:17

Feels like a lot of sexist old shite tbh, in the vein of marvellous traditions such as giving the bride away, the men speaking at the wedding, throwing a bouquet for the next lucky girl to get married, a big engagement ring so the man can mark his territory on the fiancée's finger, blah blah blah.

"I am so relieved to have this most useless of creatures, an elderly spinster daughter, taken off my hands that I will stump up for the whole shebang."

Warblerinwinter · 14/01/2022 14:17

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

It is kind of a bit unfair as so much money is sitting in the older generations, due to large increases in property prices!
Well maybe that’s because they could afford to buy a home earlier in their marriage or save because they didn’t spend ridiculous amounts of money on a massive wedding and party that is just one day- or even expensive honeymoons travelling to the other side of the world I had 15 people at my wedding. All we could afford. 10 days honeymoon in uk. We’d just paid the deposit for our first home. No parental help with wedding either- not even contributing to my dress - so I paid £75 for my dress as all I could afford Stop with the other generations bashing.
sunflowerroses · 14/01/2022 14:19

My parents paid for our wedding - they gave us some money, as did my husband's . Most of my friends' parents also paid either the whole thing or a big contribution. I assume we will pay for our children's weddings too when the time comes.

BigYellowHat · 14/01/2022 14:19

We went thirds with my mum and DH’s mum. We were extremely grateful for the contribution but it was utterly unexpected. We would either have had a smaller wedding or waited another year for the same sized wedding without their help.

Pbbananabagel · 14/01/2022 14:19

I think it’s just you and your circle of friends OP, its certainly not the ‘norm’ in wales for parents to pay anymore

Hoppinggreen · 14/01/2022 14:19

I’ve been married 20 years and I think DH mum gave us £2000 and my mum gave us nothing. Didn’t ask, need or expect anything but it was gratefully received
We took it as a licence to do it all however we wanted though - DH mum paid for most of SILs and she got her way over venue, guests etc

KirstenBlest · 14/01/2022 14:20

'm Welsh and AFAIK the bride's parents paid for the wedding.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 14/01/2022 14:20

No. I can't imagine expecting my parents to pay for something like that.

110APiccadilly · 14/01/2022 14:20

My parents paid for mine, but then I'm Welsh too! I wouldn't have asked them to though. But as soon as we announced our engagement, they told me to send all the bills to them!

countrygirl99 · 14/01/2022 14:21

I've been married over 40 years and although our parents contributed we paid the lions share. Same with all our friends so not a new thing at all.

WindInTheWillows7 · 14/01/2022 14:21

My dear dad paid for half my wedding. As it turned out, the wedding was a lot cheaper than expected, so he gave us the rest as a gift. We didn't ask for any of this, but he's a strong believer in marriage and often gives people large wedding gifts even if he doesn't know them that well!
(my family aren't wealthy, but have always been very frugal and savvy with savings and investments!)