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Original poster

DH has compressed hours but doesn't use time off for childcare

106 replies

Positivity84 · 13/01/2022 22:45

We both worked compressed hours while our DS was at nursery. DH had first two Fridays off per month and I had remaining 2/3 Fridays off. It worked nicely and we looked after our DS on those days off.

DS started reception in September and I went full time. At the same time, DH decided to keep his Fridays off but use them for himself. Like if I'm not doing Friday childcare anymore than neither is he.

Anyway, this sounded ok to me at the time, but what this has meant on practice is that DH goes off to cinema / out on daytime adventure on 'his Fridays' and I do school collection, set DS up with some toys and finish my working day as early as I can. Wfh on Fridays so from that perspective is manageable.

I'm just not sure how me going full-time in September equated with him not having to use his Fridays off for childcare as he had done previously? We've just had an argument about tomorrow and I'm wondering if I'm looking at this the wrong way... not sure why it's coming up now!

OP posts:
WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 13/01/2022 22:48

Are you thinking he’s a selfish twat? If so you’re looking at it the right way!

SickAndTiredAgain · 13/01/2022 22:49

If I’m understanding correctly, after school on Fridays your husband isn’t at work, you are wfh, and yet you stop work to pick your son up and then watch him while working for the rest of the afternoon while your husband is off doing whatever he likes?

No, I don’t think that’s acceptable at all.

HamCob · 13/01/2022 22:50

What the hell?!
Well tell him you'll be taking a day off a week to do as you please. He sounds a twat to be honest.

CallmeHendricks · 13/01/2022 22:50

If he wants to continue with Fridays off, I should have thought that the very least he could do would be the wraparound care before and after school hours.
If that interferes with the cinema timings, then tough shit.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 13/01/2022 22:50

So does he still do full time hours just over four days? And are you able to just please yourself on a Saturday or Sunday?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 13/01/2022 22:51

Either way what a lazy twat not picking up the child when you’re working and he isn’t.

KnobJockey · 13/01/2022 22:51

Do you also get to do extra childcare during the rest of the week as he's doing extra hours to have his Friday off?

Hankunamatata · 13/01/2022 22:51

So tell him he can do his fun stuff but he needs to do drop off and pick up of dc and childcare afterschool

Normski67 · 13/01/2022 22:53

I’m a bit confused. So you’re unhappy that you collect DS from school now on ‘your’ Fridays and look after him for how long after school? 2 hours? Or is it that DH has every Friday off and could pick him up but doesn’t?
Or are you just jealous that he has a day off for himself? If it’s this, can you go compressed too?

Chloemol · 13/01/2022 22:54

You are working, he is not

He drops off and picks up on the Fridays he is not working

Otherwise I would be telling him your child will have to do before and after school clubs, at his cost to allow you to work

arethereanyleftatall · 13/01/2022 22:57

On the other hand, ref posters above, it isn't a race to the bottom.
If you can afford it, he can have his Fridays to do what he likes, and you can have every Saturday to do what you like, and Sundays are family days.
I'm all for a bit more pleasure for us parents, it just needs to be equal.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 13/01/2022 22:59

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe

Are you thinking he’s a selfish twat? If so you’re looking at it the right way!
Perfect answer right here.
Concestor · 13/01/2022 22:59

He needs to be doing the school run because you are working! Why does he think this is ok? What does he say when you talk to him about it?

RandomMess · 13/01/2022 23:00

There is no way you should be caring for DS on the days he is off work.

Sure he can use the school day to chill etc but he needs to do the before abs after school along with the school run Confused

Rantyrantason · 13/01/2022 23:00

I think it’s “fair” that if he’s working ft compressed hours he can use his Friday as he pleases to an extent from 9-5pm. But it’s not fair that you are effectively doing a double job from around 3pm til 5pm or whatever on Friday with childcare and work. What would be fair is if you had childcare to cover that period on a Friday, with a cost split between you. But there’s technically fair and there’s what I would expect would be a given compromise if that was my DH - which would be for my DH to pick up and look after the DC on Friday. Ideally dropping off too - so you could start early and finish a bit early so you could both have an easier Friday!

BlingLoving · 13/01/2022 23:06

@Rantyrantason

I think it’s “fair” that if he’s working ft compressed hours he can use his Friday as he pleases to an extent from 9-5pm. But it’s not fair that you are effectively doing a double job from around 3pm til 5pm or whatever on Friday with childcare and work. What would be fair is if you had childcare to cover that period on a Friday, with a cost split between you. But there’s technically fair and there’s what I would expect would be a given compromise if that was my DH - which would be for my DH to pick up and look after the DC on Friday. Ideally dropping off too - so you could start early and finish a bit early so you could both have an easier Friday!
Well, also if he’s doing compressed hours, op is covering for him on his long days I assume?

You should both be getting equivalent downtime. Currently, it looks like you are doing bulk of childcare and working full time. Not a win.

Rantyrantason · 13/01/2022 23:08

Do you also have to do additional childcare due to his decision to continue working compressed hours. Eg if he’s working 8-6:30pm 4 days a week and you’re working 9-5pm are you looking after DC while he works too? If so, you’re enabling his ability to continue to work compressed hours and so he should definitely step up on Friday and it morally and technically fair that he do drop off and pick up!!!

Original poster
Positivity84 · 13/01/2022 23:08

Ok, thanks everyone. These responses have gone in a pretty clear direction so far which is really helping me to stop second guessing myself and clarify my thoughts.

We have a very carefully balanced division of drop offs / collections throughout the week, except for these Fridays off...

Honestly I would just like to not have to worry about childcare on the two Fridays DH is off. I feel he should do the childcare on these days and I should have a straight forward working day. I'm not sure how his days off got reframed from childcare to 'me' days once reception started. I think initially I was happy he could have some hours to himself to pursue interests etc but the reality feels different. Think we will need to have a conversation tomorrow.

OP posts:
Rantyrantason · 13/01/2022 23:09

Yup blingloving my brain is working a bit slow tonight! But came to same conclusion in the end!😁

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/01/2022 23:11

He should do the childcare, help clean the house for the weekend etc/ or do you get child free days at the weekend?!

GoGoGretaDoll · 13/01/2022 23:15

He should absolutely do drop off and pick up. Then he can do what he likes inbetween times. I actually can't fathom using the time for anything else. I'm a huge fan of compressed hours BUT those 'extra' working hours are presumably hours that you are covering for childcare. So really, you're covering him twice... Nah.

BestZebbie · 13/01/2022 23:18

As your child is only at school between around 9am to 3pm, that is the maximum extra child-free time on a Friday that starting school could have bought him.
I think it is fine to do his own thing during school hours on those days (as long as he is generally contributing to the team overall), but at 3pm childcare starts back up as that is when the child has to be cared for.
You can't be expected to cover his childcare then so he can have a longer day off, because you are already scheduled by being at work - really you should not be doing pickup/wfh round the child on your Fridays either tbh, but just because you can flex a little to meet your own needs doesn't mean you should also flex your job to meet his wants.

Gingernaut · 13/01/2022 23:21

It's unfair.

If he's used "childcare" as the reason to request compressed hours, it's outrageous.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 13/01/2022 23:21

He's acting like he isnt a parent on those days. He is. His behaviour is really bad and I cant believe he thinks he can just get away with it. What an arsehole.

Lou98 · 13/01/2022 23:22

I don't see why he can't have his "me time" while your son is at School but be finished whatever he is doing in time to collect him.

If he wants to go to the cinema why doesn't he go to a lunchtime viewing?
If he wants to go shopping/gym/hobby why can't he drop Son at school then go straight to wherever he's going? Again, so he's done in time for him finishing.

He has the full day (I'm assuming 9-3 but I'm in Scotland not England so not sure what age reception is) to do as he pleases.

OP, what would happen if you told him you weren't picking Son up on Fridays anymore and he needs to make sure he's there to get him?