DH has compressed hours but doesn't use time off for childcare

[Positivity84]

We both worked compressed hours while our DS was at nursery. DH had first two Fridays off per month and I had remaining 2/3 Fridays off. It worked nicely and we looked after our DS on those days off.

DS started reception in September and I went full time. At the same time, DH decided to keep his Fridays off but use them for himself. Like if I'm not doing Friday childcare anymore than neither is he.

Anyway, this sounded ok to me at the time, but what this has meant on practice is that DH goes off to cinema / out on daytime adventure on 'his Fridays' and I do school collection, set DS up with some toys and finish my working day as early as I can. Wfh on Fridays so from that perspective is manageable.

I'm just not sure how me going full-time in September equated with him not having to use his Fridays off for childcare as he had done previously? We've just had an argument about tomorrow and I'm wondering if I'm looking at this the wrong way... not sure why it's coming up now!

But OP isn't objecting to spending time with her child, she's objecting to not being able to spend proper time with her child because she's working at the same time. WFH with a reception-aged child is really hard and stressful, of course she doesn't want to do while the other parent is completely available and is choosing not to. And it's also a lot less nice for her DS.

And I still think that 'childcare is a privilege not a chore, parents should want to do it' ends up with the woman feeling guilty for not spending every spare minute she has with her children and the man... not. 'Don't measure it out, just give and take' inevitably ends up with the woman giving and the man taking.

Before our daughter started school we had a conversation about school drop off/pick ups.

He should definitely be doing the school run and if your child was ever off sick that should be his responsibility.

On his Friday ‘off’ he is in charge of his child. He should do drop off/pick up and have him if he’s off sick.

I don't work Fridays but my DH does. We both get kids ready and do drop off, I clean the house quickly and spend the day doing what I want but I always pick the kids up and do dinner etc...while my DH finishes work. They're 'me' days except when the kids finish nursery obviously.

Hi OP sounds like a fairly similar scenario to us. I worked part time (4 days) before the kids started school and used my day off for child care. After they started school I went back to FT compressed hours. I now have 9-3 to myself on my day off (which generally involves running household errands so not entirely me time!) I do the school drop off & pick up on my day off plus looking after the kids until DH finishes work. I think this is perfectly fair on my DH (who has the option to work compressed hours too but chooses not to). I think your DH should be doing something similar. Good luck with your conversation