AIBU- Fellow school mum drives every morning

[Mybumlooksbig]

So..hope this doesn't out me.
We live in a very small close knit area. All kids attend the same school, lots of us live on the same few streets.
Every morning and pick up we ALL walk the kids to school, bar the few who have to rush off to work etc (it's a 5-10 min walk)
One parent on my street... drives! Big 4x4, she has NEVER once walked her DS.
She doesn't work, no where to rush off to. She has no mobility issues etc neither does the child..
Why does this iritate me so much??

Yabu- live and let live
Yanbu- she should be walking

[quote FreedomFaith]@EarringsandLipstick

No I'm saying she shouldn't be driving the car for less than a mile every day even if she has a completely eco friendly lifestyle otherwise.

I'm not particularly bothered to be honest. I'm not having kids because I know this world is screwed. But I would have thought parents would be concerned, just they never are really.[/quote]
Oh I'll give up replying to you after this. Lunch break over here!

As has been said, you don't know why an individual might make a valid choice to drive.

Parents, and non-parents, and humans in general, care about lots of issues, and make many changes. But not necessarily all the same ones.

I think every primary school in the country suffers from parents who drive their child to school.

A lady with children on my street used to drive past me and my child walking to school every morning. She didn't want to walk her kids to school. We live very close to school. It's barely worth the effort of opening the car doors IMO. She had no reason not to walk them, she didn't work and didn't have any health issues. She just liked going in the car.

The traffic outside school was dangerous. I saw near miss after near miss because CF in cars would drive up on to the pavement and travel along until they got to the barriers.

I spoke the head about it. I got nowhere. Their attitude was people have the choice to drive to school. Options like walking groups would not be promoted through school. It would discriminate against children whose parents drive them in and make them feel bad.

The council eventually got a smart car with cameras. It spends time at a different school each day and for that day the traffic behaves properly and doesn't drive on the pavement, park on the zigzags or reverse along the road.

People have to get there earlier and earlier though. It is a complete waste of your time.

I was disappointed by the head's attitude. The council were mostly useless too.

I suspect a large percentage at this school travel from a long distance because of it's high rating. People do all the snidey-renting and getting a child in which then guarantees siblings in and then reverting to their normal address miles away. They're quite open about it because councils don't remove children who live 6 miles away once they're there.

I agree with the poster who said 'ban traffic around schools'.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

mistermagpie of course it is to do with the OP - people who drive to and park outside school endanger children who walk or cycle, especially when lots of people do it.

I do completely agree with you in a general sense. I walk to school and to pisses me off how many people park on the pavements or like idiots so I have to push my pram into the road whilst managing a 4 and 6 year old at the same time. And yes, I'm sure that there are loads of people driving who don't need to.

But in the case of one specific individual, I don't think it's really that useful for the OP to speculate about why she's driving.

@Mybumlooksbig

Child has no issues either.

She is just lazy. Maybe this is why I am so annoyed by it...

Notes taken, I'm taking up new hobby

I think you, like me, are annoyed by people like her because we'd like to think we are all in this together. We all know the damage pollution causes our children, ourselves, and the planet that we are leaving behind for them. Knowing that you do your best to not make the planet an unbearable place to live, and at the same time watching a person driving a huge car very walkable distances twice a day makes us feel like why are we even trying when other people clearly couldn't care less.

It's like you are putting out a fire with water, and then someone else comes along and pours gasoline on it.

@orinocosfavoritecake

And I am wondering how many of the responses defending her are from others who deep down know they shouldn’t be hogging the road in their range rovers.

I don't have a Range Rover, do tell me more about the road hogging they do. It sounds quite cute.

I'm guilty of this.
To my neighbours and other parents, it probably looks awful.
Reality is I wfh starting at 9am - due to drop off timings when I walk I start work late every day. Same story at pick up I have to leave earlier. My contracted hours mirror the school day so during busy periods at work it is unfair to take an extra 20mins every day to walk to school runs (as a mum I feel I already get enough "allowances" and very lucky to have the contract I do).
In quieter periods when I don't have urgent deliverables I walk, but otherwise driving mitigates the extra time, plus it means my kids aren't always the last ones waiting at the school gate

Good for you @FreedomFaith - you enjoy your childless life you’ve chosen in complete selflessness. You can live happily knowing you are far better than the other 64 million people on the planet who chose to repopulate. 👍🏻 5 gold stars for you!

Who knows her reasons?, could be she’s a lazy arse, could be she has bad social anxiety and it’s easier to car-lurk. Either way keep your beak out.

Were you a Covid street-clapping curtain-twitcher by any chance OP?

Also - throughout the pandemic, airlines continued to fly empty planes back & forth across the world to keep their flight slots. Thousands & thousands of empty flights every day.

Be angry about that, not someone driving a short distance to school. Frankly, while stuff like that is going on, what’s the point of me recycling a tin of tomatoes?!

I walk my son to nursery and the back home in the mornings because I can’t drive. It’s a 25 minute slow walk there with him and 15 minute walk back to the house for me. I suffer with chronic anaemia that I’ve been struggling with since he was born, if I could drive then I would to save myself the exhaustion, but no one would know why.

Mum drives to school ..why? Well if she is anything like me she wouldn't want to walk with you,yes you judging, Maybe she hates cliques of other parents and doesn;t want to know or join in ? I personally avoid other parents like the plague, Maybe focus on you and leave her alone? Just an idea

@Doidontimmm

How do you know her medical details?

This was my thought. Very few school Mum’s at my DC’s school know about my mobility issues.

@BiggestJulie

That will never happen, because it goes against human rights

Why does everyone start speculating on her health conditions?! She probably is just a bit lazy...so what?! I am too!

It's a real problem when people with disabilities and other health conditions are dismissed and 'othered' in this way - and I'm glad that so many people on this thread are not doing this.

Living with poor health is hard enough as it is, but it's made even more difficult by able-bodied people declaring you as 'probably just lazy' - purely on the basis that they (with their good health) would feel lazy if they drove instead of walking relatively short distances and can't understand that others are not exactly the same as them.

Additionally, there is a wide spectrum of disability, health conditions and mobility problems. So many people seem to think that you either have a blue badge or otherwise have perfect health, with no in-between possible. Not that actual blue badge holders are immune from abuse and discrimination from those who 'reckon they know better' - far from it.

How some people believe they can proclaim that a particular person has no health problems at all shows breathtaking arrogance. Should those with less than perfect health be expected to wear a big badge at all times, declaring their entire private medical history to the public at large? I'll bet that, even if people with a hidden disability did do this, they'd still be dismissed as exaggerating or making it up.

I hope they're never on a jury, as they'd doubtless make their decision based on whether the defendant 'looks shifty' or not and not trouble themselves to see the need for considering any evidence.

Even if she doesn't have any existing health conditions, we're always being urged to be pro-active in looking after our health - she may just be wisely protecting her mental health by deliberately avoiding exposure to the toxic village judgy mum brigade.

A woman in my road drives every day. The school is opposite and takes about 90 seconds. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t just walk it (worded politely - more how can you be bothered to get the car out? than what are you up to, you monster?) and she says she likes to go straight to the gym

The whole journey would be a five minute walk, but it takes her longer as parking at school is very limited, and there’s always a queue of cars.

How to you know she doesn't work?

I don't 'look' like I do (I wear whatever is comfiest) but no one knows my business. One of neighbours also thinks I'm lazy and don't work. I actually drive in order to rush back home to start working in the morning and afternoon after both school runs. The other parents mostly walk and whilst I had all intentions to walk, it isn't feasible with your distractible DD is and how long it would actually take out of my day.

Tbh I think we should all be less judgemental about other people's lives and focus on what we're doing.

Is it that she's driving her kid or that she's NOT driving anyone elses yours? YABU because you really don't know why she's doing this, you can't see her medical records etc.

You'd definitely judge us. DP would do this because his agoraphobia and ptsd wouldn't do well in a busy playground- the resultant headaches take him out of commission for hours. I would drive if the state of the pavements round the school is bad. I walk a fair bit, but I also have recurrent foot & ankle problems from injuries. I've spent a lot of time & energy fixing them but poor pavements are a huge cause of trips, falls and twists for me and it's not worth it. I avoid anything I don't feel safe walking on.

Surely there is someone you can report this to?

A parish council committee perhaps - they could work up a plan - perhaps one evening you could all let the airs out of of her tyres then hide in a hedge and see if she walks to school. It will be important to video this - then you will have evidence that it sheer laziness rather than any other issue at play.

Then for the intervention- as many neighbours as possible - call it drinks and nibbles but it will be an ambush. Play the video - present the evidence of her driving to school and open it to discussion amoungst the neighbours t

This is people often hate school mums, judgey and bitchy behind another mums back.

Maybe she doesn't want to walk, maybe she does have to get back for her only fans work requires a live log on at 9:15?

Who knows? Maybe ask her but I hope she tells you it's none of your business.

Mind your own business

@orinocosfavoritecake

And I am wondering how many of the responses defending her are from others who deep down know they shouldn’t be hogging the road in their range rovers.

I don't drive but I'm going to defend the woman. She may just be lazy, she may just want to destroy the environment. She may suffer from something called cold urticaria, she may have another allergy that is affected by walking. The child could have an issue like cold urticaria or just be a lazy so and so but the point is no one knows the truth but her so don't judge.

I suspect she doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to mix with you..

Are we in psychic link up possession of knowing the nasty 4x4 isn’t hybrid or electric, and that it’s not one of the newer ones that has decent after treatment systems and is actually less polluting than some smaller slightly older cars?

Literally nothing to do with you

@BiggestJulie

It’s everyone’s business, including the people who live near the school, and the children walking. Cars are polluting and the school run accounts for a huge amount of traffic.

I believe cars should be banned within half a mile of primary schools and a mile of secondary - with exceptions for residents within the banned area, and for those with a disabled sticker. Everyone would be healthier and the air the children breathe around the school would be cleaner.

How would banning cars work when there is a main A road well under half a mile from a school? Does the A road get closed and drivers have to take a potentially huge detour to get to their destination?