AIBU- Fellow school mum drives every morning

[Mybumlooksbig]

So..hope this doesn't out me.
We live in a very small close knit area. All kids attend the same school, lots of us live on the same few streets.
Every morning and pick up we ALL walk the kids to school, bar the few who have to rush off to work etc (it's a 5-10 min walk)
One parent on my street... drives! Big 4x4, she has NEVER once walked her DS.
She doesn't work, no where to rush off to. She has no mobility issues etc neither does the child..
Why does this iritate me so much??

Yabu- live and let live
Yanbu- she should be walking

Maybe she drives on to somewhere else afterwards? Honestly this is very strongly none of your business and I have no idea why it interests you so much. Sounds like you don't like her more generally to be honest.

I live on the same street as the school. My neighbour drives there every morning and usually takes longer than I do. I don't understand why she does it but it obviously makes her happy for some reason.

Get a life, honestly, and leave the poor woman alone.

@AdventureAhead

Whilst it is her choice it has a potentially significant impact on a lot of others.

1. local air pollution - Schools are often pollution hot spots, largely due to engine idling children. Kids in pushchairs and children walking past idling cars are more exposed than adults as they are closer to the exhaust.
2. road safety. The height of 4x4s means an average height adult often can't see over the roof so crossing a road between parked cars is more risky.
3. Impact of hitting a child. Whilst hopefully very very unlikely, if the worst happens and a pedestrian is hit by a conventional car the impact will be partially absorbed by the pedestrian rolling onto the bonnet, windscreen and over the top of a car. If a pedestrian is hit in a 4x4 it is like being hit by a brick wall. The height means they can't roll onto the bonnet, impact is higher and they are more likely to go under the car. To make it worse the height of the front of most 4x4 will hit the body of an adult (more chance of survival/less injury) but the head of a child. This and 4x4s blocking visibility when pedestrians are cross roads is why 4x4s are an awful choice of vehicle to drive around a school, residential area or anywhere where there will be lots of pedestrians, especially children.

So underlying health conditions aside it's possibly lazy to drive but that is her choice. We are all lazy sometimes. But this choice has a detrimental impact on others, made significantly worse by her choice of car.

This. Our choices impact on others. It is our business, and we are allowed to have an opinion on it.

Maybe there's good reason. Or maybe she's just lazy. But who among us hasn't taken a lazy option on certain things?

In the overall scheme of things, it's very minor. Try to cool the jets, it's not worth your energy.

@FelicityBob

Wow I can’t believe the comments I can’t stand seeing people drive who could easily walk. It’s lazy, teaching their kids to be lazy, and damaging to the planet. YANBU It’s the same here, people drive who literally live a 5 minute walk. And then they go to the gym for exercise. Madness

It's only really fair to judge someone for driving if you KNOW they could 'easily walk', thought, @FelicityBob. A previous poster on here has said her IBS can be set off by walking - that isn't a visible problem, and it isn't necessarily one she would want to share with all and sundry of her neighbours, but it would be unfair to judge her for driving.

I do somewhat see your point about people who drive to school then drive to the gym to exercise - 10 minutes to walk their child to school and get home, and then head to the gym. Unless they are going to a specific class, and this would make them late.

I don't look like I have mobility issues but I have chronic pain from recurrent joint dislocations and chronic fatigue (the fatigue is worse than the pain tbh). I feel so self-conscious using lifts to go up one floor or using an accessible parking bay at work as I don't "look disabled". Maybe there is no "reason" for her to drive but you're not privy to that information. Either way, the world would be a much nicer place for those of us with disabilities if the rest of the world stopped judging.

Nah I'm with you OP.

Would have to be an an incredibly life limiting illness to not be able to walk 5-10 minutes. Don't know why that's always the first assumption by people, what about the environment?

Anyway, what's wrong with a mobility scooter? Kid could walk at least.

She probably just cba. I do judge her for having a massive 4x4 though.

I also don't get the instant hatred for cars that happen to have 4wd transmission and the assumption that anybody who has one (except maybe remote farmers) doesn't care about the environment.

It reminds me of the time when the tabloids used the phrase 'has a flat-screen TV' as a nasty lazy shorthand for 'this is a workshy chav' - and continued to do so for years, even long after all TVs were flat-screen.

Many modern 4x4s are no less polluting than an ordinary family saloon - and people with disabilities and mobility problems will often find the higher seating position crucial to being able to actually get in and out of the car.

They are also commonly used to pull caravans and so owned by families who have holidays in the UK instead of hugely polluting everybody's world by flying abroad two or three times a year, as many other people do.

Ironically, such people could avoid much of the hatred by buying a second, superfluous little car for use around town - even though they can manage perfectly well with just the one car and have no need to pollute the environment further by causing another car to be built, run and maintained.

Would have to be an an incredibly life limiting illness to not be able to walk 5-10 minutes.

What a load of nonsense.

Honestly why do people post such daft statements.

it actually is when people pollute the atmosphere. As well as climate change, air pollution causes dementia. These people do have to stop.

“These people”? You mean, those who are judged with no information?

Sure, cars are bad blah blah blah, but rather than singling out individuals, get on board with campaigning for clean air zones around schools, or with the moves for cleaner fuel or better transport etc. It’s not always about choices either. I walked half a mile past the school at the top of the road, to our local shop yesterday morning at 8.45. This involves crossing 2 busy roads. Until a year ago there were crossing patrols on this road but the local authority removed them. There is no way I’d have taken kids across that road without them.

Would have to be an an incredibly life limiting illness to not be able to walk 5-10 minutes.

Penny dropping about just how hard it is for people with mobility issues? You are absolutely correct, not having the ability to just take a ten minute walk somewhere puts massive limitations on the lives of disabled people. Think about that the next time you park on a pavement or in a disabled space or leave your wheelie bin out.

Of course there's a chance she has a medical condition you don't know about but it's much more likely she's lazy/disorganised. I used to walk my kids to a nursery literally at the end of my road every day and every day a lady who lives slightly closer to the nursery than me used to drive there and back! It was less than 5 minutes walk.

Anyway, what's wrong with a mobility scooter?

Are the pavements in good repair? Are there plenty of dropped kerbs on the route? Is it bin day? Have they put up barriers to stop cyclists which means we can’t get past either? We have a mobility scooter for my daughter. If we go beyond our own new build estate, it often involves having to go back on ourselves to cross roads, go on to the road to pass obstructions on pavements and on one occasion the pavements were so bumpy the scooter had to be taken apart and put together again as connections had been jarred.

@orinocosfavoritecake

But someone slacking in a gym class isn’t hurting anyone. Driving a big car when you could walk is harming others - climate change, air pollution, making it less pleasant and riskier for others to walk and cycle. It’s an act that has consequences.

52 children were killed on the roads in 2020. According to the RAC, who aren’t exactly anti-car.

You know what else has consequences? Trash talking people and gossiping. It’s also a very poor example for the children and encourages bullying, which can have lifelong or even fatal consequences.

In fact I’d say we can have a greater impact on the world around us but not engaging in this type of negative behavior toward others than almost anything else we do.

Would have to be an an incredibly life limiting illness to not be able to walk 5-10 minutes.

I'm guessing you don't have any personal or family experience of a wide range of disabilities and health conditions, then....

Even then, 'not being able to do something' and 'being able to do it but with significant pain/discomfort/exhaustion - possibly lasting the rest of the day' - are not the same thing at all.

It's precisely because of the 'othering' of disability and poor health that many people who have them don't feel safe to share their experiences - and so the vicious cycle of ignorance, ridicule, denial and judgment continues.

@OhWhyNot

Seem to have hit a raw nerve op

I think it’s the mention of 4x4 and climate change …

More to do with being a judgemental twat!

(I don't have a 4x4, I'm vegetarian etc)

She's doing you a favour OP - if she decided to walk, you'd have no one to bitch about and then what would you do with your time?

In all seriousness I think the only people with any moral high ground to criticise the environmental choices of others are those whose lives are 100% green. I do hope you are completely on top of the recycling OP and don't have too many kids/go on holiday abroad etc

Oh yes because MN is never judgmental

but it's much more likely she's lazy/disorganised.

Is it? You have some statistics to prove that? I mean, with 18% of the nation with a disability or long term illness, are there more people than this driving a 4x4 5 minutes to school?

I've already posted up thread but here is a list of reasons why I don't walk my children to school:

1. I have a bowel condition that means I suffer from occasional faecal incontinence. Noone would ever know I have this by looking at me. It happens rarely but is sudden and extremely distressing when it occurs. I used to love walking and walked everywhere (usually about 30k steps per day) but I am always frightened I'll have an accident.

1. I have two other autoimmune conditions that mean getting out of bed and getting the children dressed is usually as much as I can manage.

1. I have a wildly impulsive child who is prone to pulling her hand from mine and running off because she can see her friend/there's a bird/I don't know why. We are training her not to do so, but I prefer not to train her on the busy road we would have to walk along to get to school.

1. Even if I went through the discomfort/difficulty of the above and walked some days, the judge bitchy side-eye from those worthy creatures who always walk their children to school would be insufferable (and knowing that half of them are boozehounds with a red meat and skiing addiction doesn't make me feel better able to cope with their judgemental bullshit).

So again, she's maybe BU for driving, maybe not.

But you and your ilk are BU for your rudeness and ignorance.

I’d report to the school.

That 5-10 minutes becomes 10-20 by the time you have walked back home. 20-40 by the time you have done the evening school run.

For people with chronic health conditions learning to pace is a key element. You have to maximise what you can do within your bodies limits (look at spoon theory)

Ds could on a good day physically walk to school (15 minutes at his pace) he may also be able to walk back at the end of the day. But he wouldn’t be able to perform and do a full day at school and certainly wouldn’t be able to do anything at all after school.

@Ericaequites agreed that If the school is on a main road my suggestion of diverting traffic would indeed be unreasonable, although a ban on stopping except for disabled would solve the issue you suggest where the school is on a main road.

However, in much of the country small schools are not on main roads. I have twice in my life lived near a primary school and irresponsible (and in many cases frankly lazy) parents make the neighbourhood virtually impassable for a number of hours every day during school term.

In both cases for me the school has been on a quiet residential street, with a free, easily accessible car park about five minutes’ walk away.

Instead of parking there and walking a few minutes with their children, although the head teacher repeatedly requested that they should, parents have crowded the quiet streets causing traffic jams, blocking driveways, and worst of all, in the winter running their engines in the winter to keep warm and in the summer to keep cool.

A recent air quality study was done outside my local school and found the air quality the worst in the entire town. If I had a child there, I would find that very concerning.

In such situations I think my suggestion that cars be banned from dropping or collecting kids from schools, with exceptions for disabled parents, of course, would make good sense.

I repeat that cars crowding around schools is absolutely everyone’s business. Reducing car drop off traffic to disabled only would be good for all concerned, as long, of course, that there is a reasonable and safe alternative for dropping children and walking.