Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- Fellow school mum drives every morning

437 replies

Mybumlooksbig · 13/01/2022 11:36

So..hope this doesn't out me.
We live in a very small close knit area. All kids attend the same school, lots of us live on the same few streets.
Every morning and pick up we ALL walk the kids to school, bar the few who have to rush off to work etc (it's a 5-10 min walk)
One parent on my street... drives! Big 4x4, she has NEVER once walked her DS.
She doesn't work, no where to rush off to. She has no mobility issues etc neither does the child..
Why does this iritate me so much??

Yabu- live and let live
Yanbu- she should be walking

OP posts:
Onairjunkie · 13/01/2022 13:38

She’s probably desperately trying to avoid this cliquey gang of judgmental “we all walk together every day,” mothers who glare at her every day… 👀

NashvilleQueen · 13/01/2022 13:38

Hopefully she's doing it to annoy you. That way you're both really getting something out or it.

Reallycantbesarsed · 13/01/2022 13:38

Probably to avoid having to walk with other judgy parents!

Mrsjayy · 13/01/2022 13:39

Hopefully she's doing it to annoy you. That way you're both really getting something out or it.

HA!

MrFsAunt · 13/01/2022 13:41

@NashvilleQueen

Hopefully she's doing it to annoy you. That way you're both really getting something out or it.
Grin
ShittyGlitter · 13/01/2022 13:46

I'm sorry @BoredZelda that you have to experience that.

My point was there really can't be that many people with such limitations on them. Probably why there are bins on the road and badly parked cars, because the majority are able bodied and do not consider others.

Thethreecs · 13/01/2022 13:47

I live in Ireland where people drive everywhere, very few people opt for public transport, granted the public transport in the UK is way better than Ireland.

If you say you got a bus people will actually look at you for not driving, they will also ask outright why you haven't driven.

My ndn actually drives her child to the creche on the opposite side of our road. All my neighbours drive to the local shop at the end of the estate, it is a 5 minute walk max.

I try walk most places, yes driving is great to get somewhere faster but walking really gets me in a better frame of mind.

I went to an appointment yesterday with dd, she's in a wheelchair, we have paths, it's a half hour walk, it was sunny but a little chilly and dd loves being pushed along, she gets so excited, when we got there I was questioned by the therapist about having walked, asked why I didn't drive there, eye rolling because I didn't take the car, I felt like shit the whole appointment, I get this a lot with people, so now I don't even mention that I walk as people get so disgusted.

shouldistop · 13/01/2022 13:49

Why would you care if someone else is lazy anyway? Maybe she doesn't want to walk with you all?

Mincingfuckdragon · 13/01/2022 13:50

@BiggestJulie

I repeat that cars crowding around schools is absolutely everyone’s business

Indeed. And as you say, this could perhaps be dealt with by driving restrictions with exemptions for those with health issues or who have children with health issues or who have to get from school immediately to work.

But the OP wasn't talking about cars crowding schools. She was talking about one particular mum who drives to her local school. She doesn't know this mum well, but has decided that the woman is unreasonable for driving regardless. In fact OP says almost noone else drives to school - OP says they ALL walk except for a few who have to work (her emphasis). So quite why some people are banging on about driving congestion in the context of this thread is beyond me.

The inability of some to have empathy for others, and the assumption that people who drive their childre are 'just lazy' is a bigger worry than one mum driving her kids to school.

ArianaDumbledore · 13/01/2022 13:50

You should report her to the Village Elders.

I strongly suggest you examine her bins to see if she recycles properly and/or evidence that she doesn't cook everything from scratch.

Also observe for other unacceptable behaviours such as not opening all her curtains and blinds at acceptable times, toilet brush abuse, cats that defecate outside, her DC screen time (challenging but you could enlist your child to get the intel).

You must protect your close-knit community from the wrong-sort!

BoredZelda · 13/01/2022 13:51

My point was there really can't be that many people with such limitations on them. Probably why there are bins on the road and badly parked cars, because the majority are able bodied and do not consider others.

18% of people have a disability or life affecting illness. So, yeah, quite a high number. Unfortunately it takes a much smaller number of people than you'd think to make life really difficult for them. It only takes one car parked on a pavement to mean a person in a powered wheelchair or scooter has to go back on themselves to find a dropped kerb (which can be a very long way) to either cross a road to avoid it, or take their lives into their hand by wheeling on the road int he traffic.

whatfreshheck · 13/01/2022 13:51

God you sound awful. Judgement and bitchy. I'd avoid you like the plague too

shouldistop · 13/01/2022 13:51

@orinocosfavoritecake

And I am wondering how many of the responses defending her are from others who deep down know they shouldn’t be hogging the road in their range rovers.
Nope. We walk nearly everywhere. Car leaves the drive maybe once or twice a week. I'm just not a nosey, judgemental busy body
Aderyn21 · 13/01/2022 13:52

@RocketFire7

I’d report to the school.
Seriously, why do people say stupid shit like this? The school aren't in charge of her you know. They literally have no authority to tell a parent how to bring their child to school!
UltraVividLament · 13/01/2022 13:53

@Aderyn21 I assumed that was a joke, because it is what people say all the time for things the school wouldn't care about.

RoseGoldEagle · 13/01/2022 13:57

She could drive for any number of reasons, including simply that she’s lazy, that is allowed. Get over it!

Aderyn21 · 13/01/2022 13:57

Oh okay. Apologies if I misread RocketFire7

anon12345678901 · 13/01/2022 14:01

@OhWhyNot

No it’s because many on here will claim they are concerned about climate change but don’t want to make changes themselves

It’s for other to do

Read the threads on the ownership of 4x4 justifications it’s hilarious

Why do you think people should have to justify owning a 4x4? It's really nothing to do with you the reasons they have one.

OP unless you know her and her child's medical history, there could be a reason why she drives. It could also be due to time constraints. It could simply be just to avoid you, which I'd understand tbf.

OhWhyNot · 13/01/2022 14:03

But they do justify their reasons that is the point I made …

Mincingfuckdragon · 13/01/2022 14:04

@orinocosfavoritecake

And I am wondering how many of the responses defending her are from others who deep down know they shouldn’t be hogging the road in their range rovers.

That's an interesting conclusion you've jumped to there. I wonder how many are people like me who have disabilities or invisible health conditions and sympathise with the difficulty of not being able to just pop put the door for a brisk 20 minute walk.

Because I know what it's like to shit my pants because there is no public toilet between home and school and despite good health care and regular physio and exercise I've not yet been able to stop occasional sudden faecal incontinence. And people like you assuming that people like me drive to school because we're lazy and selfish is pure arseholery.

anon12345678901 · 13/01/2022 14:08

@OhWhyNot

But they do justify their reasons that is the point I made …
Because people ask them too. It doesn't need to be justified or questioned.
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 13/01/2022 14:09

Tbf I live in small town. You can walk from one end to the other in less than an hour. For some people to get to the school would be around 30 min walk and the rest it's less.
I discovered that a mum was telling everyone that I couldn't drive/didn't have a licence because I walked to school every day. The school is at the bottom of my street so I would end up parking back outside my own house if I did drive. So bizarre.

Apparently many of the local parents think that if they don't drive they haven't started the day properly...

OhWhyNot · 13/01/2022 14:14

There has been plenty of threads about climate change on MN and the fashion for city dwellers owning 4x4 rightly so gets mentioned

And then it will be justified by quite a few because it hits a nerve. It’s hypocritical to claim you are concerned about the environment yet own a car that has such an impact on the environment (so much so they are banned in many cities over the world) as they are nothing more than a status car for the majority

People don’t like being called out as being hypocrites. Some will at least be honest and say I don’t give a fuck

BiggestJulie · 13/01/2022 14:16

@Mincingfuckdragon I was giving the OP the benefit of the doubt (unlike most of the other people on this thread) in assuming she was commenting on one person driving her 4x4 to school because it IS a wider problem, and not simply because she is a nosey jerk deliberately shaming someone for no reason.

Air quality near schools IS a real issue and a threat to children’s health. Traffic jams near schools at drop off and collection time IS a real problem for neighbourhoods where schools are located. Childhood obesity IS a national epidemic. And these problems ARE issues for anyone who cares about the affect of (apparently) unnecessary car use on local kids, on neighbourhoods, and on the planet generally. I don’t accept the apparent general MN stricture to wind your neck in. We don’t live on this planet on our own! Maybe this woman does have a personal reason for driving her car, but maybe she really is the one who is a jerk. It matters!

I can’t imagine that the OP would have been concerned, or posted, otherwise than that she was concerned about the issues involved in car pollution. Maybe she is just an unpleasant busybody - or maybe she wanted to flag up her particular annoyance to stand for a real issue.

Perhaps if it had been differently expressed she would have had fewer comments telling her to mind her own business, but I am not sure. The general reaction seems to be that what someone else chooses to do with her own car is nobody’s business. I was simply trying to suggest that her post raises issues that are very much everyone’s business, especially the other kids’ in a school where crowding the road and running engines may create significant pollution.

Why not assume her motives were good, and she was trying to raise an important issue?

RedRec · 13/01/2022 14:17

Ugh. Wouldn't want to be walking with your judgy group.