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Are these reasonable requests?

137 replies

Kaandii · 12/01/2022 21:36

Background...
long distance relationship for 5 months, we video call daily, we had an argument and this is what he text after I blocked him on Facebook

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. BUT FOR US TO BE IN A HAPPY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, THESE THINGS ARE VERY IMPORTANT, IN ADDITION TO THE THINGS WE'VE TALKED ABOUT AT THE VERY BEGINNING OF THIS. HONESTY, OPENNESS, TRUST, RESPECT, EQUALITY.

YOU SHOULD BE WILLING TO DO THESE:

* I WANT ALL THE PROMISES YOU'VE EVER GIVEN ME TO BE KEPT. YOU CAN'T EVER TAKE THEM BACK UNDER ANY CIRCUSMTANCES

  1. I wanna be unblocked and added on facebook (And need to be given the guarantee that such thing would never happen again on facebook or anywhere)

  2. I would like any pics of you taken with other men removed from facebook. (If you wanna keep (CHILD) dads pics for (CHILD) you can have them privately somewhere, not on facebook for everybody to see). I can't understand why you insist on publicly displaying pics of him I don't need to explain to you how much it hurts me.

  3. You have to work on controlling your anger. I will not tolerate you saying mean and abusive things to me. Remember how it made you feel when it was done to you.

  4. You should tell your doctor everything. You might need treatment for more than depression

  5. I should be able to ask you anything and you should be able to answer without getting mad and getting all defensive.

  6. You need to stop trying to dictate me what to do. I've been putting up with that only because I love you very much, not because I am scared of you or you can control me. We are equal in this relationship so we would decide things together while showing mutual respect.

  7. We need to be able to communicate under all circumstances. You need to answer the phone whenever I call. Communication is the key to everything.

I am certainly wanting to make this work. We have put in so much effort, time, feelings into this I don't want it all to go to a waste. I really don't want (CHILD) to think that I abandoned him too. I really wanna be around for him too. I hope this is how you feel too. I love you very much honey. I want us to be happy together forever.

Are his requests reasonable?

OP posts:
User2638483 · 13/01/2022 09:26

No of course not.
I’d be dumping for the use of capitals alone 😆

Some of the points might seem reasonable on their own eg. asking you not to get defensive, or asking you not to dictate to him (pot calling the kettle black!!) but many others just by themselves would be enough to finish with him.
Such as demanding you answer the phone whenever he calls… wtf? 🚩
And dictating what photos you have on your fb.

Sounds overly intense for 5 months.
Have you ever actually met in person?

Definitely ditch him and break free. You’ll miss the daily calls at first but will get over it quicker than you think.

pangolina · 13/01/2022 09:28

D.U.M.P. H.I.M

hotchocdrinker · 13/01/2022 09:48

So, number 6... You're can't dictate to him what to do, but he thinks it's perfectly acceptable to give you a list of 7 things you have to do??? I don't think so!

Allthecheeseplease · 13/01/2022 10:36

Red flags on both sides.

You blocked him on FB after an argument?

He's trying to control what you post?

This relationship sounds toxic

Feedingthebirds1 · 13/01/2022 13:06

OP there's a very good reason why this man is single. Don't be the one who stops him being.

LittleGwyneth · 13/01/2022 13:27

Run a FUCKING MILE.

FlasherMcGruff · 13/01/2022 14:12

he’s unhinged. Not normal at all.

Lurkerlot · 13/01/2022 14:17

Block, him do not reply. Get rid of him.

Geppili · 13/01/2022 17:08

This is nuts!

Mybumlooksbig · 13/01/2022 17:27

Red Flag

Run girl, run

MrsWinters · 13/01/2022 17:30

You shouldn’t even need to ask. Run a mile, and then another.
Not only is it controlling, they are also using your depression as a lever to control you and make you question yourself.

LovelyMoans · 13/01/2022 17:33

Oh lord deffo well rid

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