Are these reasonable requests?

[Kaandii]

Background...
long distance relationship for 5 months, we video call daily, we had an argument and this is what he text after I blocked him on Facebook

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. BUT FOR US TO BE IN A HAPPY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, THESE THINGS ARE VERY IMPORTANT, IN ADDITION TO THE THINGS WE'VE TALKED ABOUT AT THE VERY BEGINNING OF THIS. HONESTY, OPENNESS, TRUST, RESPECT, EQUALITY.

YOU SHOULD BE WILLING TO DO THESE:

* I WANT ALL THE PROMISES YOU'VE EVER GIVEN ME TO BE KEPT. YOU CAN'T EVER TAKE THEM BACK UNDER ANY CIRCUSMTANCES

1. I wanna be unblocked and added on facebook (And need to be given the guarantee that such thing would never happen again on facebook or anywhere)

2. I would like any pics of you taken with other men removed from facebook. (If you wanna keep (CHILD) dads pics for (CHILD) you can have them privately somewhere, not on facebook for everybody to see). I can't understand why you insist on publicly displaying pics of him I don't need to explain to you how much it hurts me.

3. You have to work on controlling your anger. I will not tolerate you saying mean and abusive things to me. Remember how it made you feel when it was done to you.

4. You should tell your doctor everything. You might need treatment for more than depression

5. I should be able to ask you anything and you should be able to answer without getting mad and getting all defensive.

6. You need to stop trying to dictate me what to do. I've been putting up with that only because I love you very much, not because I am scared of you or you can control me. We are equal in this relationship so we would decide things together while showing mutual respect.

7. We need to be able to communicate under all circumstances. You need to answer the phone whenever I call. Communication is the key to everything.

I am certainly wanting to make this work. We have put in so much effort, time, feelings into this I don't want it all to go to a waste. I really don't want (CHILD) to think that I abandoned him too. I really wanna be around for him too. I hope this is how you feel too. I love you very much honey. I want us to be happy together forever.

Are his requests reasonable?

Why has your child met your boyfriend of 5 months?

Run run run!!! He sounds like a controlling bullying arsehole. I repeat run. He’s not a nice guy and anyone normal wouldn’t say these things.

I would text back

I am an adult and I am not prepared to be controlled by you, told how I should act, and who I should and shouldn’t put on FB

We are done

And block on everything

It will only get worse

The only response is to laugh at this nonsense and block him

He expects “HONESTY, OPENNESS, TRUST, RESPECT, EQUALITY” and in return you are controlled by him?

I am sad that you even need to ask, I am even sadder that your child has been exposed to this. It’s not okay, it’s not reasonable, it’s not healthy and you should walk away, today. Work on your self esteem, build your confidence, know your worth and form healthy relationships which are equal and harmonious.

Run. Very, very, very fast. If he's like this online, can you imagine what he'd be like in the real world?!

Throw him back, OP.

I didn’t understand which way to vote but he is unreasonable to the point of being rather alarming.

There are very clear signs of control. He’s trying to make a point that there shouldn’t be any issue about control as the relationship isn’t about that…but he mentions control twice so it clearly bugs him and says that you can’t ‘dictate’ to him. This man wants you to do what he wants,

There are are a lot of ultimatums and threats, all politely worded: you can’t take things back, you must give him a guarantee, you must add him, you must remove photos.

There’s emotional blackmail: you must be willing to do these things that you don’t want to do for the sake of him and your relationship.

It’s one sided: there must be trust, but also no photos of you with other men.

He can’t actually see that his choice of words betrays what he’s actually like. Far too intense, far too hard work, absolutely ridiculously over the top after five months and absolutely preoccupied with setting ground rules about how you are to behave after a few months. This is how these controlling men start. They get you thinking this sort of instructional bullshit is in some way part of an honest, trusting, intensely loving relationship.

Exactly the same response as your other thread. He’s a controlling, abusive dick. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. As I said on your other thread, your son deserves better.

He is a creep

You’ve had a lucky escape

Tell him to fuck off

For goodness sake, he's a dangerous controlling bastard. He's not special, he's just a bog-standard woman-hater. Throw him back in the sea.

Fuck that shit. Block his number as well as his fb and never speak to him again

Are his requests reasonable?
NO! They are about as unreasonable as it is possible to get.

He says: We are equal in this relationship so we would decide things together while showing mutual respect.

Really????

How come, then, that everything else he has written in that great long list is dictating what you must and must not do. You need to do this, you need to do that, and that bit in capitals about all the promises you've ever made? I am horrified by that. What do you think he would do to you if you 'broke' your promises? Go on - really think about it.

Are you really so utterly desperate to be in a relationship that you are going to put up with this monumental crock of shit? He's a raving nutter.

Dear God woman, run for the hills.

That’s a chilling message. I hope you don’t stay with him.

The whole relationship sounds toxic and dysfunctional. His requests are not reasonable. Your actions such as blocking him on Facebook are also not particularly reasonable, doing that looks like you are petty game-playing or trying to get a reaction if you’re not actually ending things. It’s spiteful and reactive.

You would likely both be better out of the relationship.

Do you even have to ask? If I received a message like that I’d be telling them to piss off and blocking.

He seems insane .

I couldn’t work out which way to vote but ffs he’s crazy!!

Get rid, keep him blocked & block him on everything else so he can’t send you any more of his bat shit controlling ramblings.

Don’t put your child through being around him anymore, he’s weird, controlling & totally contradictory.

@Kaandii

Yes I did already post this, I wanted to add the entire message he sent, just in case

just in case of what?

This is a damaging controlling unhealthy relationship.
Please cut your losses, if not for you then for your children. It's a toxic relationship to be raised in.

Have you ever even met this person in real life? It doesn’t sound like it.

Nope. Not in a million years would I have anything more to do with this person.

No

@Kaandii

Yes I did already post this, I wanted to add the entire message he sent, just in case

Just in case what? What are you hoping for?

How many threads are you going to start in the vain hope that there might be one poster who comes along and says "Yes, it's fine, he sounds lovely" so you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that it's ok?

It's not ok, it is a long way from being ok. He is an evil controlling loon and you need to escape from this toxic 'relationship' as soon as you possibly can.

🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 all over this.