To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

[546321yeah]

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

Yes. What you're describing is a teen mum. I also had my first just as I turned 21.

Yes, 21 is a young mum.

I was 20 with my first and 27 with my last.

YABU is a very young mum. In my circle of friends I only know of one person who had a baby in their 20s

21 is young, so a 21-year-old mum is a young mum. It's not a judgment or criticism, just factual.

It's a young mum. Wait until your son is 17 and you're not 40 yet while all his friends parents are late 40/50. It's young.

@CockSpadget fair enough. But hopefully you've seen enough posts to at least realise that whilst young mum is factual, it is often deliberately stated to demean when it's not even necessary to denote someone's age. How many posters here have stated fact with a derogatory, presumptive opinion? That is what is making some women want to reject the label even if that seems silly to you.

People always bring up travelling. Not everyone does that, regardless of kids. It's not some kind qualifier to adulthood.

And being young doesn't impact ability to parent. Having a child at 22yos is still 22y more life than your baby. That's perfectly fine.

And for the last time, mothers are perfectly capable of going to university and having a job. This is 21st century Britain, not the Sahel.

There's enough provision to live a happy life and turn out fine.

Yes it’s young still. Obviously there’s younger but average age is much higher. Back in my mums day 21 wasn’t that young to be having babies but it is now

Very young mum!

In the present environment it is probably classed as a young Mum but in the late 70s when I had my first baby I was considered 'old' at 29. It
s simply a matter of what's the current norm.

I had my first at 21 I was a young mum some people were negative and judgey but others were fine, plus side I'm in my 50s and people say I'm too young to have kids their ages so swings and roundabouts

You are definitely a young Mum. Why do you think that is a negative?

You are definitely a young Mum. Why do you think that is a negative?

Read the thread for your answer

@Herewegoagain84

Very young mum!

Not a very young mum. Just a young mum. Very young makes it seems like it's too young and it's not

I had DD at 22 and didn't feel young at the time but now I'm 37 and pregnant with my 3rd I definitely feel old!

It was the norm to have babies young many years ago. Back in the 60's 21 would be considered pretty ok and normal. Times have changed.

YANBU though. I was 19, pretty young but I didn't feel as young as some 16,17 year olds that were pregnant at the time.

I look at my 19 year old sister now though and think f* was I really that young when I had ds - he's 10 now!

To some people it will be classed as a young mum... I was 19 when I had DS - 14 years ago. People said I was a young mum, Out of the kids in his class I was the youngest mum.... had dd at 24 and now I’m amongst the oldest. It’s all about perception. If you don’t feel like a young mum then thats fine, don’t worry what others think.

I was 20 having my first and in my social circles that was quite normal, although I know it was young. I know girls who had babies aged 15 though too.

@2kl4skl

People always bring up travelling. Not everyone does that, regardless of kids. It's not some kind qualifier to adulthood.

And being young doesn't impact ability to parent. Having a child at 22yos is still 22y more life than your baby. That's perfectly fine.

And for the last time, mothers are perfectly capable of going to university and having a job. This is 21st century Britain, not the Sahel.

There's enough provision to live a happy life and turn out fine.

Have you gone to uni as a mature student with children?

It’s a lot more difficult than going as a young single person. Even more difficult if you don’t have family who will provide childcare, and twice as difficult if you need to work too.

I’m not saying mums can’t do these things, but as someone trying to juggle being a mum, employee, and uni student, it is NOT easy, and you miss a lot of the uni experience obviously since if you’re a responsible mum you’re hardly going to be going out for freshers and jetting off on the French trip with your classmates.

I had my first at 24 and that was quite young and I was married at 21 - again young. I'm now 51 so a lot if years ago and people did tend to marry/have children younger then. I think at 21 it is fair to call you a young mum. The average age is 28 so 21 is def young.

I'm 46, DS1 is nearly 24. I can't bear the thought of him having children under 30. He tells me regularly that he "isn't stupid mum!!" Which I guess reflects the fact that we were younger and poorer than is ideal when we started our family..

@user5656555 as I said, some people will find any reason they can to sneer and belittle someone. I've been a young mum, and I've been an old mum, if anyone judged me for being either of those then let them crack on, it makes no difference, not exactly something you can change is it.

21 is young. Ergo 21 is a young Mom. It isn't a criticism, it's a statement of age. Just like 45 is an older Mom.

It's a very pejorative label. A huge 'class identifier' in a way we Brits do almost subconsciously.. (although also quite aware what they are doing)

'Young Mum'. = almost certainly not middle class. Hasn't followed the accepted route of School to A levels, possibly year travelling, then Uni... into ' proper job ' after Uni to establish career.. (22/23) by this point. 2 or 3 years climbing career ladder then time to settle down. By which point you are 27/28... and this is the earliest babies 'should' arrive.

Romantic hurdles, Deciding to marry .
Buying a house .. infertility issues can add a few years to the route way... but nevertheless.. solidly middle class.

'Young mum' is shorthand for none of the above. Therefore not middle class.
It's a code to keep the class system alive and kicking .

Definitely young. There are still communities where it is normal to have a child at that age, but in the very few cases I knew personally, the pregnancies were unplanned and the circumstances were not ideal.