To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

[546321yeah]

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

Being called a 'young mum' is hardly an insult is it. And I believe the average age for firsts is around 30 now so yes by definition you are/were a young mum.
I had mine in my 40s so guess I'm an 'old mum', but it only bothered me if someone thought I was my kids grandma!

I had my first at 21, he’s now 46. I was considered a young mum then.

@Mrsjayy

Fwiw I wasn't having an intentional dig at older mums I was trying to point out how ridiculous these "debates" are.

I got that @Mrsjayy

Yes it's a young mum, but I don't think that's a bad thing. There's really no right or wrong age, assuming you're able to support yourself and the child and you feel ready.

Why do you perceive it as a insult, I'm described as a older mother don't mean I'm I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol. Statistics are just don't mean we all fit into them.

Being direct here. This depends on your socio-demographic.

In some social groups 21 is not a young mum. In others it is very young. I had my first at 31. I cant imagine having a child at 21, but lots of people prefer it and there's no right or wrong

@sweetcheekweak eh? Why? I left school at 16 with 5 GCSEs A-C, tried college, hated it, got a full time job. It was the perfect situation for me. Wth is wrong with you?

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@sweetcheekweak eh? Why? I left school at 16 with 5 GCSEs A-C, tried college, hated it, got a full time job. It was the perfect situation for me. Wth is wrong with you?[/quote]
My point being you've already gone down a 'less than ideal' path

So getting knocked up in your early 20's might have been fine in your circle/based on the direction you've already taken

Yes, the odd woman might get pregnant young and end up as CEO of a FTSE100 company. But the majority don't. The 'I can focus on my career in my 30's since I had my baby at 20' is often said by people wanting to justify their decisions, because deep down they know it wasn't the best idea in the world to have a child when just out of their teens. But instead of admitting that, they pretend it's actually beneficial to have done so.

The majority of women who are young mothers don't progress their careers, never achieve what they might have been able to without a child and often never get to the same comfort levels as those who started families later in life. They're also less likely to stay with their partner as most often they will have been together less time due to their age starting out. Less likely to own their own homes, most likely to rely on UC

The list is endless. But no, it's better to do have kids at 21 than 31

Whilst I agree with overall sentiment that older is generally better for financial and relationship security (within reason!), the phrase ‘getting knocked up’ is v judgy, goady & uncalled for, @sweetcheekweak.

@sweetcheekweak less than ideal path? According to who? You? I don't give a shit what you think. I am 31 now, I have just had my knee replaced. Already had my hip replaced, I am on the list for my other knee, other hip, elbow, shoulder and an operation to fuse my wrist into a usable position. I have been on medication since I had DS2 at 23 that destroys my fertility, so I don't think I'd have much luck having my kids now do you?

sweetcheekweak I have read quite a few threads on mumsnet over the years about how people are doing in their late 40’s and 50’s. There are always a lot of posters who were young mums and are now in a really good stage of life professionally, financially and in their personal life. I’ve noticed there are always comments from other posters surprised by this. A lot of women in their mid/late 40’s talking about their toddlers and large mortgages and others who had their DC earlier who are empty nesters with a house all paid for.

The average age of first child really hasn’t changed much over time.

www.comparethemarket.com/life-insurance/content/changing-age-of-uk-parents/?amp

@sweetcheekweak

Nah you're actually so rude. What is your problem?

Putting down young mothers for what gain? Always nice to be told you'll never amount to anything whew. I'm glad I didn't have people lie you around when I was in that situation.

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@sweetcheekweak less than ideal path? According to who? You? I don't give a shit what you think. I am 31 now, I have just had my knee replaced. Already had my hip replaced, I am on the list for my other knee, other hip, elbow, shoulder and an operation to fuse my wrist into a usable position. I have been on medication since I had DS2 at 23 that destroys my fertility, so I don't think I'd have much luck having my kids now do you? [/quote]

Ignore - these types are bitter. They'd like to think we're all crying and failing at life.

@sweetcheekweak I am also still with my kids dad and we own our own home. I can't believe how disgusting your attitude is. I'd be ashamed to admit I had views like yours.

I think 21 is a young age, so yes, 21 and being a mum, you are a young mum. I wouldn't go round saying 'oh she's a young mum' though, nor would I go round saying someone was an old mum.
I don't generally think about how old people are when I see them with their kids!

I know a few people who had their DC young, they returned to adult education, it wasn't easy using sitters and au-pairs, now in their 40, have a career, a nice home and a good life spending Saturday mornings on their hobbies.
IMO health declines in women far earlier than men.
I don't think putting career plans of 15/20 years after college is the wiser choice before DC either if you want them to experience grandparents etc.
Like everything there is middle ground.

@jessiej you're not kidding! I feel for their poor kids having parents with such attitudes.

The average age to have a first child in the UK is about 29 or 30. So of course having one 8/9 years earlier than that makes you a relatively young mum.

In my head I think I would consider someone a young mum more based on life circumstances. At 21 most people haven't yet had time to establish a career or obtain housing to comfortably support having children.

To a certain extent I agree with @sweetcheekweak about your social circle/life path

I went to uni and amongst my peers, getting pregnant at 21 would be devastating and definitely less than ideal. 21 is young. I’m 23 and still wouldn’t want a baby.

However I can see that some of my mates that started working straight after school had a baby by 21, it just suited their lifestyle more. I guess they had less of that student/“adulting” phase and felt more prepared by 21.

@Doubledenimrock emotional support; I am close to my parents, yes. So in terms of them being on the end of a phone and us popping round for visits, sure.
But they have never babysat really or had my DC over night (we now have 3)
They had them all for an hour a time on 3 occasions last year when we viewed houses.
They had DD for the day when I went into hospital to have DS1 and they had both DD & DS1 when I had DS2 for around an hour (school and nursery that day)
DD has had a few sleepovers at friends recently but they’ve never had sleepovers at parents.

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@sweetcheekweak I am also still with my kids dad and we own our own home. I can't believe how disgusting your attitude is. I'd be ashamed to admit I had views like yours. [/quote]
You might have a few GCSEs but can't seem to grasp the concept of a 'majority'

Again, people will do what they need in order to justify their poor decision making

My point is, no one, with any sense would claim it's better to have a child very young compared to when you're more mature and settled in life. The fact there are some trying to do just that on this thread, who aren conveniently also young parents themselves speaks volumes.

@sweetcheekweak we’ve got 1 DC in private school, one soon off to a special school and the 3rd will go to private. We don’t have to sacrifice anything to do this. Several holidays a year etc.
Just sold a mortgage free house for a much bigger one with a small mortgage.
We’re both 31 and had our first at 22.
We own a very successful, large construction business and have a few rental properties.
We will be mortgage free again by the time we’re 40.

Not done bad for following a less than ideal path.

Before you ask, no money for deposits from parents on either side, no inheritance and we live in the north where, yes, houses are cheaper.

[quote jezziej]@sweetcheekweak

Nah you're actually so rude. What is your problem?

Putting down young mothers for what gain? Always nice to be told you'll never amount to anything whew. I'm glad I didn't have people lie you around when I was in that situation. [/quote]
Another young mother being defensive I see

Please carry on, you're merely making my point for me

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@sweetcheekweak less than ideal path? According to who? You? I don't give a shit what you think. I am 31 now, I have just had my knee replaced. Already had my hip replaced, I am on the list for my other knee, other hip, elbow, shoulder and an operation to fuse my wrist into a usable position. I have been on medication since I had DS2 at 23 that destroys my fertility, so I don't think I'd have much luck having my kids now do you? [/quote]
Of course you don't care what others think

That's why you're listing your ailments and justifying your decisions to strangers on the internet