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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

665 replies

546321yeah · 12/01/2022 20:40

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 13/01/2022 09:15

@HacerSonarSusPasos have you seen how much money some people make on OnlyFans?!

FridaRose · 13/01/2022 09:16

@2DogsOnMySofa

It's a generation thing. My mum had me at 24 and was considered a geriatric Mum.
Where? In ancient Egypt?
HacerSonarSusPasos · 13/01/2022 09:17

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@HacerSonarSusPasos have you seen how much money some people make on OnlyFans?! [/quote]
So? It's still very undignified and even dangerous. Being a sugar baby is also a very lucrative business. It's still prostitution though. What point are you trying to make?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/01/2022 09:17

@HacerSonarSusPasos I don't have daughters so it's not likely. But yes. I couldn't do it myself but I know a woman who does it and has made a million in 2 years. She owns a house outright and is building a property portfolio. She's in a much better position in life financially than I am, and with bills skyrocketing I don't blame her for going down that path.

Reallycantbesarsed · 13/01/2022 09:19

Age is irrelevant because it is relative to your own life experiences.
There are absolutely useless ,reckless parents at any age and there are fantastic,loving parents at any age !

alienalan · 13/01/2022 09:23

Imo you are a young mum. A 15/16 year old is a teenaged mum

PattyPan · 13/01/2022 09:27

Not everyone has a career to establish. Many of us will work in low paid jobs forever

You can be low paid and still have a career path. Eg you can move up from Saturday girl to supervisor, take qualifications in caring/early years, move from zero hours contract to established staff member, etc. But if you work for only a short period of time then stop working for a couple of years to look after your child it’s going to be harder to get back into the workplace than had you worked longer beforehand, I think.

stripeyflowers · 13/01/2022 09:28

21 is most definitely a young mum. Women are having babies 25+ years later.

In theory, the young mum could become a grandmother at 37 or even younger - would she not then be classed as a very young grandmother?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 13/01/2022 09:30

@HacerSonarSusPasos undignified?! Who gives a shit. It's nothing like prostitution. You don't even need to leave your living room or go near any of the creeps that pay for it.

Rainbowshit · 13/01/2022 09:34

It's very young to me. A lot of people are still in full time education at that age.

RobinPenguins · 13/01/2022 09:34

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out

Am inclined to agree with this too. It’s not about travel or clubbing or whatever, but growing up and becoming an adult and gaining your own identity before becoming subsumed into something else. I also think it’s important from a relationship point of view to be really solid together before having children which IMO takes at least a couple of years. I wouldn’t want my children settling down at 17/18 to achieve that.

seekinglondonlife · 13/01/2022 09:35

Had my first at 22 20 years ago, and that was considered very young even back then. Despite going to all antenatal appointments with my husband, several times I was signposted to antenatal classes for single, teenage mothers!

Hemingwayzcatz · 13/01/2022 09:36

I think it’s young because the average age people have their first child has risen so much. A couple of decades ago it would have been more normal. You will find you’re one of the youngest Mum’s at baby/toddler groups. I had my first at 17 and last at 27. Even at this age I’m the youngest at toddler groups. Most Mum’s tend to be in their mid 30s- early 40s. It doesn’t bother me at all but just telling you how it will be.

RandomLondoner · 13/01/2022 09:37

It's on topic. People don't need to be asked individual specific questions on a chat thread in order to be allowed to give their opinions!

It is rude to imply that the OP has done something stupid and must be a disappointment to her parents. There are many cases were opinions that upset other people are justified, in this case they aren't.

RobinPenguins · 13/01/2022 09:37

I don’t get the “young grandparents can help more” thing. 40s is usually the height of peoples’ careers. I’m in my mid 30s now, in a decade time I expect to be working more than I am now and can’t foresee a situation where I’d have time to look after grandchildren.

I wish my parents who are grandparents in their late 60s were a bit younger for health reasons, there’s things they can’t do with my DD because of that. But they wouldn’t have been able to do them 10-15 years ago either, because they’d have been at work.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 13/01/2022 09:39

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@HacerSonarSusPasos undignified?! Who gives a shit. It's nothing like prostitution. You don't even need to leave your living room or go near any of the creeps that pay for it.[/quote]
I didnt say onlyfans was prostitution (though it is sex work). I said sugar babies are prostitution. And there's a lack of dignity in both.

sweetcheekweak · 13/01/2022 09:40

@RandomLondoner

It's on topic. People don't need to be asked individual specific questions on a chat thread in order to be allowed to give their opinions!

It is rude to imply that the OP has done something stupid and must be a disappointment to her parents. There are many cases were opinions that upset other people are justified, in this case they aren't.

Well they haven't made the most ideal decision have they?

The only people who think having children young is great are those who had children young, and they do that to validate their decisions.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 13/01/2022 09:41

@RandomLondoner

It's on topic. People don't need to be asked individual specific questions on a chat thread in order to be allowed to give their opinions!

It is rude to imply that the OP has done something stupid and must be a disappointment to her parents. There are many cases were opinions that upset other people are justified, in this case they aren't.

But the poster didn't imply anything. They simply states how they personally would feel. Didnt make any generalisations.

Stop looking for any tiny reason to br offended Confused

3scape · 13/01/2022 09:43

Natural fertility is approximately up to late 40's. 21 is still the younger end of that. Particularly in a society where education is generally up to early 20s and certainly up to 18 now. Accidents happen though. No point in people making a big deal out of it.

RedHot22 · 13/01/2022 09:43

@RobinPenguins

I don’t get the “young grandparents can help more” thing. 40s is usually the height of peoples’ careers. I’m in my mid 30s now, in a decade time I expect to be working more than I am now and can’t foresee a situation where I’d have time to look after grandchildren.

I wish my parents who are grandparents in their late 60s were a bit younger for health reasons, there’s things they can’t do with my DD because of that. But they wouldn’t have been able to do them 10-15 years ago either, because they’d have been at work.

I assume you have time to look after your own children though?

Weekends, holidays, evenings

HacerSonarSusPasos · 13/01/2022 09:43

@sweetcheekweak, thanks for say what I didn't dare say and prepared to be flamed! Grin

phoenixrosehere · 13/01/2022 09:44

I can't ever imagine feeling disappointed because my children chose to follow a different life path to what I considered the "right" one. Unless it involved criminality!

Disappointment doesn’t mean the parents will stop loving their children or not support them though.

PattyPan · 13/01/2022 09:45

@RobinPenguins

I don’t get the “young grandparents can help more” thing. 40s is usually the height of peoples’ careers. I’m in my mid 30s now, in a decade time I expect to be working more than I am now and can’t foresee a situation where I’d have time to look after grandchildren.

I wish my parents who are grandparents in their late 60s were a bit younger for health reasons, there’s things they can’t do with my DD because of that. But they wouldn’t have been able to do them 10-15 years ago either, because they’d have been at work.

Agreed, I don’t get it either. I’m 27 now, hoping to have my first by 30. But my parents and ILs are in their 50s and still working, so can’t see how they would be able to help out.
jezziej · 13/01/2022 09:45

@crazyjinglist

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out

I agree.

Who asked?

Confused It's on topic. People don't need to be asked individual specific questions on a chat thread in order to be allowed to give their opinions!

Nah nobody asked if you'd be disappointed - the question was is it young. Next!!

RobinPenguins · 13/01/2022 09:45

I assume you have time to look after your own children though?

Weekends, holidays, evenings

Yes, because I work fewer hours to do so. Once I don’t have small children I’ll be working full time again. I want to spend my own weekends, holidays and evenings with my children, not work during the week and then send them to their grandparents for evenings, weekends and holidays. When would I get to spend time with them if I did that.