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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

665 replies

546321yeah · 12/01/2022 20:40

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

OP posts:
ToppersMum · 13/01/2022 08:00

Young mum is a phrase my mum used to . She generally meant mums of young children, as opposed to mothers of older children. She'd refer to young mums in the school playground for example. She still saw herself as a mum, quite reasonably, so it was her way of differentiating I think.
I don't say it, but I do sometimes think it, often in a solidarity sort of way, when I see a young family out, as my adult children are not yet parents, but I still see them as my kids.
For context, I had my first at 23, and looking back I realise how young 23 is ( thought certainly perfectly capable) My mother had her first at 20, my grandmother had hers at 19.

jezziej · 13/01/2022 08:01

@flippertyop

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out

Who asked?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/01/2022 08:03

@flippertyop

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out
I don't really get that. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. I've never wanted to backpack round the world or anything.
DaggerIsle · 13/01/2022 08:09

It's merely quite descriptive, not a moral judgment.
Don't they call mums over 37 geriatric? That's a rather more 'descriptive' word. Grin

RedHot22 · 13/01/2022 08:10

@flippertyop

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out
flippertyop

Not necessarily. The friends I know who had children young are the ones who travelled and had adventures in their 40s.
Many have great careers, either because they continued working or retrained in their 30’s.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 13/01/2022 08:10

It is young. Of course it is Confused

ToppersMum · 13/01/2022 08:10

I'm really glad I had mine in my 20s. I'm 50s now, have an empty nest, lovely relationships with all my children and their partners, and I'm free to do my own thing.

RedHot22 · 13/01/2022 08:14

@ToppersMum

I'm really glad I had mine in my 20s. I'm 50s now, have an empty nest, lovely relationships with all my children and their partners, and I'm free to do my own thing.
Yes - this Smile
EmpressSuiko · 13/01/2022 08:15

I had my first at 21 and YABU! Of course 21 is young, most people haven’t even fully matured by then or even finished their education or gotten themselves into a good career path etc and teen pregnancies are not the norm so those parents are VERY young.
Most 21 year olds are still in University and have very good social lives, having a child at that age from my personal experience made my life extremely isolating and I missed out on a lot of opportunities (I wouldn’t change a thing though) so I would prefer if my own children wait until they are at least mid 20’s before settling down with a family so they can both have a bit more life experience and have some opportunities education and carer wise.

RedHot22 · 13/01/2022 08:16

I’m now also a young grandmother and love being able to look after, run around and cycle with my grandchildren.

I also have a much younger DD and it saddens me that I probably won’t be able to do this with her DC’s

winnieanddaisy · 13/01/2022 08:17

I was married at 19 . Had my DD at 20, my DS1 at 21 and DS2 at 22. I was a young mum . I was even declined my family allowance in the post office once because the the cashier didn't believe I was old enough to have 3 children . She tried to say my signature was false as I hadn't signed it in front of her . I signed it again in her presence but she still said it wasn't correct because I had signed it first name surname and sh insisted I had to sign it , first name middle name surname for it to be correct.
I told her I could sign my name as Minnie Mouse as long as that was always the way I did my signature. I think she got bored in the end and gave me my Childrens money. Hmm

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 13/01/2022 08:20

@ToppersMum

I'm really glad I had mine in my 20s. I'm 50s now, have an empty nest, lovely relationships with all my children and their partners, and I'm free to do my own thing.
I have a mix of friends who had them early 20s and some late 20s, then some that are now into their 30s and are having their first or trying. I can tell you how relived I am I've done it. When I'm 40 I'll have a 20 year old and a almost 19 year old, so hopefully I'll be young enough to enjoy my grandkids.
ToppersMum · 13/01/2022 08:20

@RedHot22

I’m now also a young grandmother and love being able to look after, run around and cycle with my grandchildren.

I also have a much younger DD and it saddens me that I probably won’t be able to do this with her DC’s

I have just a hint of grandmother envy! Flowers
BobMortimersTrout · 13/01/2022 08:22

Adults between 18-25 are referred to as young adults. I'd say anyone in that age range is a young mum.

ToppersMum · 13/01/2022 08:22

@winnieanddaisy that is really shocking! When was this?!

sofakingcool · 13/01/2022 08:39

The grandparents thing is a good point too, I was a young mum, my mum even younger (21, nearly 22) so they became grandparents at 45 and 50. Able to do loads with DS - used to get mistaken as his parents regularly!

My brother is now about to have a baby with his gf and my parents are now 60's almost 70 and are both disappointed that they may not be able to keep up, especially when the baby gets to school age etc

Beautiful3 · 13/01/2022 08:41

I think 18-24 is a young mum. Under 18 would be a teen mum, and 25 + is average.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 13/01/2022 08:45

@ToppersMum

I'm really glad I had mine in my 20s. I'm 50s now, have an empty nest, lovely relationships with all my children and their partners, and I'm free to do my own thing.
I had mine at 30 and he's 19 and at university now so I am not quite 50 and have an empty nest and can do what I want.

Not sure I would want to become a grandmother in two years' time though!

MasterBeth · 13/01/2022 08:52

21 is quite young to be a mum in the UK these days.

But so what? Good for you.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 13/01/2022 08:59

@flippertyop

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out
It might be controversial, but i agree with you.

There's a great deal of maturing and fine tuning your self-awareness, emotional maturity, patience and resilience that happens for most people between 20 and 30.

21 to me is still a kid. Playing grownup maybe, but still much closer to a teenage mentality than to an adulthood mindset.

There is so much growing left to do at that age. Your frontal lobe doesn't even stop developing until 25. And that's the part in charge of complex reasoning and decision making.

Deciding to have babies at 21 is just something i can't wrap my head around.

crazyjinglist · 13/01/2022 09:07

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out

I agree.

Who asked?

Confused It's on topic. People don't need to be asked individual specific questions on a chat thread in order to be allowed to give their opinions!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/01/2022 09:09

I can't ever imagine feeling disappointed because my children chose to follow a different life path to what I considered the "right" one. Unless it involved criminality!

HacerSonarSusPasos · 13/01/2022 09:12

@Waxonwaxoff0

I can't ever imagine feeling disappointed because my children chose to follow a different life path to what I considered the "right" one. Unless it involved criminality!
So you'd be fine if your kid chose onlyfans as a career?
HaveringWavering · 13/01/2022 09:13

@sofakingcool

The grandparents thing is a good point too, I was a young mum, my mum even younger (21, nearly 22) so they became grandparents at 45 and 50. Able to do loads with DS - used to get mistaken as his parents regularly!

My brother is now about to have a baby with his gf and my parents are now 60's almost 70 and are both disappointed that they may not be able to keep up, especially when the baby gets to school age etc

Yeah well that’s life. If your brother had had kids earlier he would have missed out on whatever he has been doing up until now. Not everyone can be a winner.
FridaRose · 13/01/2022 09:15

@ToppersMum

I'm really glad I had mine in my 20s. I'm 50s now, have an empty nest, lovely relationships with all my children and their partners, and I'm free to do my own thing.
But 'being free to do your thing' in your 20s is so much better than your 50s.

Carefree 20s are just amazing and full of memories. I'd hate to be having responsibilities or children.

But you're not me of course Smile