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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think age 21 is not a 'young mum'?

665 replies

546321yeah · 12/01/2022 20:40

I fell pregnant with my daughter at 20, had her at 21. I am now referred to by a lot of people as a 'young mum'. I don't feel like 21 to have a child is young at all and 10 years on, I've gotten on with my life very well, just the same as I would have without having my child.

AIBU to think a young mum is someone about 15, 16, 17? Anything above that is normal age to have children?

OP posts:
greenteafiend · 13/01/2022 01:53

It's contextual.

If you lived in Niger, you'd be about three years older than the average first time mother, apparently.

If the UK, it's significantly younger than average.

For me, a "young mum" is anything under about 25. It does not necessarily mean "too young"--just, a bit younger than is typical for the modern UK.

Marvellousmadness · 13/01/2022 02:21

If your are 15 or 16 /17 you are a teen mum
If you are 21 and having a baby you're a you definitely ARE a young mum.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 13/01/2022 03:23

[quote PattyPan]@AllThingsServeTheBeam presumably that was a while ago though before the school leaving age was raised to 18?[/quote]
Only 10 years ago.

FridaRose · 13/01/2022 03:44

Waiting for this all to turn to social class arguments.

'Mum under 28 - lower class'
'Mum over 30-35 - middle class'

GrinGrinGrin

Antsgomarching · 13/01/2022 06:30

I think anything under 25 is a young mum but I don’t think its good or bad.

LeedleLee · 13/01/2022 06:57

It is a fair bit younger than average, so I would say it's young. I was 22 when I had my first and was easily the youngest in my antenatal group.

Young doesn't necessarily equate to bad!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/01/2022 07:01

I was 22 when I had DS. A lot of people I mixed with back then already had children, one girl had her first at 14. I live in a different area now and am one of the younger mums at the school.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/01/2022 07:03

@PattyPan

It is young, only 3 years since leaving school which doesn’t give much time for other life experiences before becoming a parent. Or much time to establish a career.
Not everyone has a career to establish. Many of us will work in low paid jobs forever.
Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 13/01/2022 07:04

Yabu. Young mum means just that. It doesn't mean too young to be a mum. I am an old mum and I am wrecked tired. I sometimes wish I had been a young mum instead.(20-25)

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 13/01/2022 07:05

I was 21 with my first and 27 with my second. Definitely a young mum with my first, felt so much older with my second Grin

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/01/2022 07:06

Also having children younger definitely doesn't mean you can rely on grandparents for childcare, my mum was 44 when I had DS, she worked full time and still does!

Brieandcamembert · 13/01/2022 07:11

*Waiting for this all to turn to social class arguments.

'Mum under 28 - lower class'
'Mum over 30-35 - middle class'*

But that is a fact. Statistically you are more likely to have children a bit older if you have a career and went to university. If you don't work/ work in a job rather than a career it matters less when you have kids.

Social demographic wise if you are working class your peers will be having children young so it's normal to you to do that. It may also be normal to have them earlier in a relationship and less concerned by whether you are a home owner.

Middle class are more likely to settle down, buy a house, get married and then try for a baby.

On the whole It is a class marker when you have children.

sofakingcool · 13/01/2022 07:27

I've always thought of myself as a young mum to DS1 - he was born just after I turned 23. I've always felt young at every aspect of his childhood. He's now 18 and I can't believe I'm finally a grown up! Grin

sofakingcool · 13/01/2022 07:29

Although, frustratingly I wasn't able to go to young mum NCT groups as I wasn't young enough, however I was by far the youngest in a standard group so didn't fit in Sad

2DogsOnMySofa · 13/01/2022 07:32

It's a generation thing. My mum had me at 24 and was considered a geriatric Mum.

kirinm · 13/01/2022 07:34

@Gymrats

I just don’t see how people can have kids in their late 30s-40s, see you not really really tired?

I’m mid thirties now and don’t want a 3rd child based on the fact that I don’t want to start all over again, I don’t think I could hack it nowadays!

I had my DS when I was 18 and DD when I was 40. 22 year age gap between them. I've found having my DD much easier and there's a lot less judging too.
londonrach · 13/01/2022 07:34

It's a young mum but nothing wrong with that

Shmithecat2 · 13/01/2022 07:35

Well, 21 is young, and your a mum so yes, you're a young mum.

Landof · 13/01/2022 07:40

There's nothing wrong with being a young mum, but you are one. You need to not see it as a negative thing!

RedHot22 · 13/01/2022 07:43

21 is a ‘young Mum’

It shouldn’t have negative connotations. It’s no reflection on your ability to raise wonderful children

Classicblunder · 13/01/2022 07:44

@2DogsOnMySofa

It's a generation thing. My mum had me at 24 and was considered a geriatric Mum.
By who? Sorry but that sounds rather unlikely
chaosrabbitland · 13/01/2022 07:44

yes id say 21 is a young mum , being as a lot of women today are having children when they are older than this now , i was 36 when i had my child , although maybe years ago 21 wouldnt have been considered it

flippertyop · 13/01/2022 07:46

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 13/01/2022 07:50

@flippertyop

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out
If I hadn't had children that young I wouldn't have had children at all. I'd have been devastated if my mum was disappointed in me for that. I don't feel I missed out on anything.
Shmithecat2 · 13/01/2022 07:51

@flippertyop

It's very very young. I would be disappointed if my children had babies that young - I would feel they were missing out
Me too.