To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight?

[5YearsLeft]

I had a day that just really banged me about, physically, emotionally, just all the ways, and now, I’m laying here awake and staring at the ceiling.

So why are you awake? Crying baby? Can’t stop thinking? Worried about something tomorrow? Pain somewhere in your body being an arsehole?

Welcome?

Sorry to hear that @YukoandHiro my dd was similar last term with non stop bugs it was relentless and draining 💐 everything seems worse when you're sleep deprived. This too shall pass!

I fell asleep for about 30 mins @2ish but then believe it or not got woken up by rat activity next to my bed. I have rats in my loft eaves (converted loft). My DH told me Sunday morning that we're over. We had a drunken row Sat night. One drunken row too many he said. He's now in the spare room whilst ignoring me and trying to figure out what he wants. My eyes are like baloons I've cried non stop for 2 days. The rat has gone at least. I'm so very sorry to read of sick children/people in pain or suffering loss. Hugs to everyone x

@Pyewhacket Enjoy that break! The NHS at night isn’t an easy job, but so many of us appreciate you being there.

@Modernidiot Well in that case… you know what, it happens. We get blindsided by things we never thought would happen in our lives. We think people are being ridiculous, and sometimes it’s impossible to see it could happen to us (as just earlier @Coroico97 was saying how she was always healthy and only now, in the last six months, has everything changed and now she sees the invisible people in pain and sometimes feels invisible herself). We all make judgments sometimes, especially about others, but we can’t see or predict the future ourselves even if we THINK we know for sure. This is an absolute shite time for you, but this stuff can give you a different kind of strength and compassion that “past you” thought this current you would never face what you’re facing.

@Modernidiot it is lovely, I'm very lucky and grateful and try to make sure he knows that! Totally agree on overthinking not leading to anything good...now if you could just convince my subconscious of that...

The drugs do help to make up for the rest of it at least I'll get a good rest later under GA!

Also modern just read why you're awake and I'm so sorry. All I can come up with to say is what a dick, which isn't very helpful I recognise! He is though (a dick).

@flipperdoda Oh, good luck! The night before a surgery is always so hard to sleep or make your brain be quiet. I hope it goes well and the post-op is as good as it can possibly be. Sounds like you’ve talked it all out with your boyfriend which is the most you can do, and if he’s smart (which he must be if you like him this much!) he’s going to want to stick around for the post-op even if it’s difficult, because that means that you’re in the homestretch to feeling better. And I’m sure he’s happy and excited that you’ll be well again soon, even if it means some weeks of needing help after surgery. Update us if you feel like it after surgery and I’ll be sending you my good thoughts!

@YukoandHiro Oh gosh, that's so rough. And it does seem sometimes like now there's COVID, and it's just joined the cold and flu and every other bug that was already out there so some are dealing wtih children who just never seem to stop being sick. And if it's the "wrong" kind of sick, then it feels like having to get them a PCR a week (depending on age). I'm sorry it's been so relentless, and you have work as well, and I really hope it lets up a bit for you soon.

@Threecrookedhearts What an absolute load of stuff you have to deal with! That's just awful. Being woken up by rats is terrible enough, but then having it be right now when you're already up to your (swollen from crying) eyeballs dealing with an issue with your DH. I don't know what's at the heart of the issue, that's leading to rows when you're drunk, but is counseling an option at all? If not, I'm really sorry. Hopefully you can go back to sleep for now.

@Modernidiot We should probably put that at the beginning of the thread, just to help people feel a little better: "Everything, absolutely EVERYTHING, feels worse when you're sleep deprived."

@5YearsLeft he's very smart and very smitten so I should really stop worrying about that bit I'm just very independent and don't like relying on other people, plus the last surgery I had my ex got annoyed at me after two weeks as I wasn't doing enough housework so...it's complex! Yes, I have done all I can in preparation both with bf and food prep etc. Just want it done now! Thanks for responding. I was feeling very alone until I found this thread!

@flipperdoda Ahhh, so it's a double-wham: you feel like you should be responsible for yourself and independent AND your ex made you feel guilty during your last recovery. Well, your ex sounds like he was truly a jerk and your current guy sounds like he's lovely, ha. But what will really convince you is just living it: as you've said, he's smart and smitten, so once you get out of surgery, you''ll see that he'll live up to his word. And I'm sure he will!

Good luck @flipperdoda. I know how you feel, I just had a ACL and PCL reconstruction operation last week after a skiing accident before lockdown , hence why I've been awake for the last 2 hours! While the pain is manageable during the day, the nights are currently so hard due to learning how to sleep in a brace but i have no regrets of getting it done and keep concentrating that I should be ok by the summer. I am also very independent and run a company and it's the 1st time I have had to rely on others to take care of me which is so hard. Husband has exceeded my expectations and has managed to looks after our 3 kids, dog and work full time while I have moved in with my parents ( which has been a blessing as I haven't spent so much time with them since I left at the age of 18 ( over 20 years ago!). I feel so guilty they have to do basic care of me but the bonding experience has been so nice for all of us. They keep reassuring me I'm not a burden and keep spoiling me with lots of yummy homemade food to eat ( I'm worried about gaining a lot of weight now! )
A bit of advice, make sure you ice your knee regularly, elevate and ask for morphine syrup to take home as that is the only thing that relives the pain at the moment for me to fall asleep at night for a few hours.
Look after yourself, I'm sure your relationship with your boyfriend will go strength to strength after this.

@5YearsLeft double whammy indeed and you're right - living it is the only way through!

@mumofthree22 gosh that sounds miserable, mine is much less major than that thankfully. They're not expecting me to need a brace although part of the surgery will involve slitting my patellae tendon to access the part of the knee they need to so it depends on how putting the tendon back together goes, if it starts to detach anywhere, etc. Aiming for two weeks on crutches but could be a brace and 6 weeks. Won't know til I wake up! I'm so glad to hear your husband and parents are rallying round - I'm sure you'd help out any of them so try not to feel bad (I'm working on it too!). Yummy homemade food sounds excellent . I'll keep your tips in mind, thank you. Not sure what painkillers I'll get - suspect it won't be major enough to justify morphine (also I seem to be one of the people with morphine resistance based on previous operations - did sod all!) but hoping to ask for something stronger that's not codeine based (because of constipation - bodies are a joy) for at night. We shall see. I hope you manage to get some sleep and sod worrying about putting on weight - I mean I understand wanting to keep an eye on it but your job is recovering and to do that you need to be nourished!

@5YearsLeft

Also *@LoveFall* so sorry I missed you. Been hellish today/last night/tonight. But it sounds like you're really in it. You're not a whiner at all! When it hurts, it hurts! And it's so frustrating when you can't get the help you need and you're just trying to fix it. Unfortunately, rib injuries are just dreadful because there's so little that can be done with them; I hurt one during my first bout with COVID and I know exactly what you mean. Also, it's not TMI at all. There are so many types of pain that make time in the WC a nightmare for some of us at certain times, so don't feel badly. I'm just sorry you're going through it right now! I really do hope you took it easy today like DH recommended, because it sounds like something in you REALLY took a beating and needs a lot of rest and healing, and I hope if you did, that it helps a bit. But yes, if you're right about the rib, it will take quite a bit of time and being gentle with yourself. (And if there's NO improvement, definitely time to push those doctors!)

Thank you so much. I did take it a bit easy today.

When I got out of the shower today I took a good look at my side and I have a huge bruise tracking along my lower rib cage. It was a shock to be honest. DH was also surprised.

It is hurting less and the bruise is looking yellowish and old.

A shock really. I appreciate your empathy! You rock.

@Threecrookedhearts so sorry to hear that. Be comforted that your dh is in spare room and hasn't left. If you want him to stay that is. Be pleasant and friendly but not clingy. Its so easy giving advice to others ffs lol 💐

@LoveFall Och! That’s quite the thing but I’m not surprised at all with what you were saying (so I suppose of you, me, and your DH, I’m the only one not surprised, ha) about the way you fell and the pain you were feeling. Don’t be surprised if some of the soreness outlasts the bruise. I’m not sure of the exact position where you hurt you but some real classics for “my rib still hurts” are coughing (as you mentioned), trying to sit straight up in bed from laying on your back, bending forward or sideways, and, you know, moving. Ha. I hope it heals quickly!

I survived the surgery! Just waiting to be discharged in the next twenty minutes or so and apparently I'm a natural on crutches. Not sure why I'm so proud of that
Thank you all for your support last night. I may be back if the drugs don't knock me out for the next two nights...I hope you can all get some sleep tonight if that's what you're hoping for

Hi everyone.

I hope it's quiet on here tonight because you're all pain free, with sleeping children...

🤞

I’m up worrying about work. There’s not enough hours in the day to do my job and I’m wondering how I will get through this week.

Also feeling stressed because I’m currently working from home in a job that can be done perfectly fine remotely (we’ve been told productivity has gone up) but now Boris has lifted all the restrictions it means there’s talk of us returning to the office which means I’m going to have to somehow fit in school runs and travel to a different town and try to find somewhere to park all to sit at a desk and do the exact same job I do at home.

It will take around 2 hours out of my day and will mean I get less done. Some people at work are making a performance of how desperate they are to return to the office but I notice that a lot of people stay quiet and don’t comment when the discussion comes up so I know I’m not alone in feeling like this. I don’t know how I will get any time to see my children. I barely do at the moment anyway.

Todays offerings.

We have the big ladies' mum too. Sadly she lost her lamb this year though.

Hello anyone else not able to sleep..

It's gone very quiet.. hope all is well with the usual posters, and in fact you are sleeping.

I am lying looking across the city (again), and for the first time in a while we have stars.

I can't sleep again. I had a wonderful 6 hours on Monday as a Marie Curie nurse was here to keep an eye on DH and it was blissful. Now I am back to counting every breath he takes and mentally begging him not to leave me, I know he will but I don't want it to be so.

Hey everyone (and especially @jowly ) - it’s the after midnight thread where all are welcome when you can’t sleep, whether it’s COVID, upset baby or children, grief, anxiety, work schedule, or just the clock attacking you. You’re welcome here!

jowly I’m so glad to hear about your stars!!!

We just got approved for an apartment but it was so sudden that we had to have a sudden visit today and then tomorrow the lease gets signed. My husband found me last night asleep sitting up and I slept somehow through my alarm this morning so my therapist had to call and wake me up for our video call; very embarrassing. I’m just having some kind of even deeper fatigue than usual after COVID. But then I slept all day today too and here I am awake again.

@Wallywobbles More amazing pictures from yesterday! Thank you again and again for sharing! It’s a life I’ll never see otherwise. I’m so sorry to hear she lost her lamb.

And @Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase sorry not too many people were about last night, and I’m sorry for the situation you’re facing! That really is tough. Like so many, I’d hoped the pandemic would change the way we worked, that companies would see that people can work from home and we can move in to a system like that, which benefits people more, gives them back so much lost commuting time, and doesn’t do things like take away your hours with your children. I hope it’s just “talk” from your office and maybe they realize that they’ll not be benefiting any of their employees. Good luck! And I know it’s so hard to sleep around the worry of what’s coming. Maybe a cup of tea or a comforting book or anything?

Oh @bloodywhitecat what an incredibly hard situation. I’m so sorry you’re facing it. I’m glad the Marie Curie nurse could be there for a little bit, but I’m sure it doesn’t feel like much now that you’re back in your own again. This is such a difficult thing; maybe one of the most difficult things in life: to deal with losing someone you love, and to have to deal with it like this. No one would want it to be so, no one. You’re not alone in feeling like that. I wish I could do something, but all I can recommend is that you be very gentle with yourself.

I'm awake thinking about stuff.

@bloodywhitecat that sounds so so hard. I'm glad you got a break. Xx

Good news about the house @5YearsLeft
When are you moving?

@purpleme12 A “turn mind off” button would be a so incredibly useful thing. I hope you’ve gotten a bit of sleep since last we heard from you maybe! Anything in particular stressing you?

As for when we’re moving, my husband signs the lease tomorrow hopefully and then we’re hoping to have the whole thing moved over by end of March (we tried to give ourselves some time because it would just be impossible for me to contribute at all if it was all in one weekend or something; I’d overdo it and end up in hospital).