Is MN middle class? Feeling inadequate and that my life is boring.

[sleaf]

Is MN mainly full of middle to upper class posters?

Having read through some of the threads, especially tonight's holiday thread where everyone appears to be having multiple holidays this year, I'm feeling very low and inadequate, and that there's something wrong in my life

Oh well, comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

I've learned from MN, that if I were MC I would not be allowed to put my Xmas lights up early, have hair extensions, let my children use character towels for swimming lessons, call my parents mothers 'Nan', have outdoor furniture, go on a package holiday, call my DC a name beginning with J, or date a bin man. Which all seems a bit restrictive to me, so happy to pass.

@aSofaNearYou

I think MN is pretty MC, I think the worst way this manifests is more to do with the extreme expectations of what you will do for and give to your children, which is all based on being pretty wealthy, and the echo chamber of sheer horror at the suggestion some of those things might not be indisputable essentials for being a good parent, that ensues.

For examples, conversations about sharing bedrooms, or not wanting children to stay rent free indefinitely, or not being able to live separately from partners just because it's what the kids would prefer, and the list goes on...

I'm working class and a single mum, of course you can live separately from a partner. Presumably they were already doing that before they met the partner so it can be done. In those cases it's because they just want to do what's convenient for the adults, not the kids.

@Herani

School fees gobbled up most of our money that would otherwise be spent on holidays. Interestingly, when I had one DC in prep and one in state, it was the state school families I knew who seemed to be jetting off regularly on amazing holidays. I presume either because flashy holidays were either a status symbol (you'd have to understand the area I live in) or lack of fees to pay towards schooling meant (in a wealthy area) a bigger holiday budget. Like many others, we had to grow to love camping and the occasional trip abroad until we were more flush.

Why would you presume they were going on holidays (a normal thing to do) as a ‘status symbol’ when your second option (living in a wealthy area with no school fees) is the obvious reason?

If you couldn’t afford it because of school fees and they don’t pay school fees obviously that’s how they afford it. Presuming it’s a status symbol would be as odd as those families saying ‘yes some people send their kids to the flashy private school, as a status symbol, you know.’

Isn’t it possible people just prioritise their money differently and really love travelling and going on holiday while being happy that the state school is providing a good education to their children?

@5128gap

I've learned from MN, that if I were MC I would not be allowed to put my Xmas lights up early, have hair extensions, let my children use character towels for swimming lessons, call my parents mothers 'Nan', have outdoor furniture, go on a package holiday, call my DC a name beginning with J, or date a bin man. Which all seems a bit restrictive to me, so happy to pass.

You also can’t call your child a name beginning with K or shop at b&ms or eat Ferrero Rocher. It’s a hard life pretending to be middle class. Takes ages swapping all the shopping from Asda carrier bags to the Waitrose ones as well.

Deliberately didn’t click on that holiday thread!

You also can’t call your child a name beginning with K

This is especially daft as Katherine/ Katharine considered is the more upper class spelling .

Oh come some of the recent comments are just misery comparing. Eg ..., I haven't been on a holiday in 67 years .... aka monty python - we were so poor sketch.

People have different priorities and spend their money differently. Funji said people have had their holidays cancelled. I know that lots have. But I know lots that haven't.

I haven't had covid and Barely anyone I know has. We went to our caravan in Dorset plenty last year. I always go on a long European weekend with my friends and I did again last autumn. And unlike others who hate packing, I love going, and booking all the flights, accommodation, restaurants. I even enjoyed booking all the covid tests to fly. It wasn't a hassle to me. I am called Judith Chalmers.

Just coz you lot find it all a misery. Not all of us do.

@Herani so what if state school families haven't spent thousands on school fees so just have more options than families on the cusp who have prioritised school fees? You could argue families send kids to private school for "status" reasons. I can't afford private school and the lifestyle I want for my family, so I opted for the latter. We have good schools here, DH and I did well in state school and private education isn't worth us living a life where we can't travel. So yes we are a state school family "jetting off" because we value that more than private eduction- not because we are trying to establish a status. But whatever makes you feel better about your decisions.

I like to refer to myself as ‘upper working class’

it’s the savings threads that make me feel pretty adequate
“We put £600 per month into our savings, another £800 into the joint pension and a swift top up of the ISA”
right
ok

I’ll just carry on praying for payday

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

You also can’t call your child a name beginning with K

This is especially daft as Katherine/ Katharine considered is the more upper class spelling .

Yes but one kan’t be seen to be kopying a certain reality tv show family who of course nobody on here has seen or heard of because they simply do not watch reality television because they’re just better than that and have managed to escape seeing well known celebrities that the rest of us know of.

@Herani I don't believe people go on holiday because it's a status symbol - surely they go on holiday because they want , need and can afford a holiday. I know that's why we go. I live for holidays and miss it so much at the moment. I don't go on holiday to show off.

And there are plenty of people who do have the funds for private school but choose not to. I'm sure they aren't going on holidays as some sort of consolation prize for not being able to afford private school.
We have always been able to afford private school but chose state until personal and health issues meant that we decided it best to transfer DD to private in Y9.

I've now got one DC at state and one at private - I'm not noticing any difference in the holiday going habits. I did notice that all of my DD's closest friends at her private school were abroad for Christmas and was shocked that anyone was taking the risk the way things are with Covid. Many of my DS's state school friends were also away skiing at Christmas.

We do live in an affluent and I suppose quite middle class area though.

@Waxonwaxoff0 That was just one example among several but you're kind of proving my point here. Not everyone is living comfortably by themselves before meeting a partner, though many are of course.

But I'm more talking scenarios such as "I'm struggling financially and would like to move in with my partner of 10 years, but my 24 year old doesn't want me to sell my house" followed by cries of "you're being selfish, why can't you just keep both houses and pay for both for the few times a year they come back". A lot of the time it is just not at all practical yet people on MN are extremely scandalised by the notion of not throwing infinite money at making the situation 100% ideal.

Booking a holiday right now is like playing Russian roulette

Yep we lost 1k deposit 😭

[quote aSofaNearYou]@Waxonwaxoff0 That was just one example among several but you're kind of proving my point here. Not everyone is living comfortably by themselves before meeting a partner, though many are of course.

But I'm more talking scenarios such as "I'm struggling financially and would like to move in with my partner of 10 years, but my 24 year old doesn't want me to sell my house" followed by cries of "you're being selfish, why can't you just keep both houses and pay for both for the few times a year they come back". A lot of the time it is just not at all practical yet people on MN are extremely scandalised by the notion of not throwing infinite money at making the situation 100% ideal. [/quote]
Always framing it in derogatory terms like adults are just doing what's "convenient for them", rather than potentially necessary, or a lifeline saving them from a lifetime of poverty/destitution, is exactly the kind of middle class echo chamber shit I was talking about.

Funji said people have had their holidays cancelled. I know that lots have. But I know lots that haven't.

Not all my holidays have been canx or all my friends/colleagues ones but none of us booked 8 abroad.

I have no clue what class I am or how it works tbh. Most of MN seems to base class on a BBC survey, which is confusing at best. Apparently, you can't move class or it takes 3 generations to change class. There's no set rules.

To be fair, these types of threads are far more common than anyone pretending a hotel bedroom is their bedroom, or someone (maybe) potentially lying about their income.

During my 11 years on MN, my income has been all over the place. I just avoid threads that, that aren't relevant to me.

And let's be honest, it's not just more affluent posters that go on threads and suggest things that aren't helpful. Lole a single oaten support thread recently, which had several posters coming onto say how it was actually the women's fault for 'choosing a man badly'. Not helpful, relevant or even true.

These threads always seem to have a feel of 'people shouldn't post unless is relevant to poorer families'. MN is for anyone who wants to join. And if yiu she basing your worth on what someone else is posting about, the problem is far deeper than MN.

Also fwiw, I know plenty of people who aren't necessarily affluent, who are also going abroad a few times this year. For them travelling is a priority and/or these are holidays and breaks that they had booked and spread out and they are taking them this year.

Quite frankly, I can't be arsed with all the testing and paperwork, so we won't bother. Hats off to anyone who can be arsed though.

We've had a fair few trips in the UK, again same as my peers but I'm not referring to UK holidays.

I think it is a mix.
There is educated pp's who can't earn for a variety of reasons, pp's who believe they've climbed the class system, others who view them as new money, mc educated earning big bucks, yet so many just getting by week to week.
Many posters never reveal their income or jeer strangers who aren't MC, They're the pp's with real class.

My life is boring, simple, mostly living week to week, I am happy I have food, warmth, bills are paid, DC are reasonably healthy ignoring the ASD.
Life could be much worse.
I count myself lucky.

Oh I see, a sort of fake K rather than a name that’s spelled that way already? So like being called Klive, Konnor or Kristine

Still seems odd to take against a letter though.

We put £600 per month into our savings, another £800 into the joint pension and a swift top up of the ISA”
right
ok

I’ll just carry on praying for payday

^^

Yes exactly! I was foolish enough to click on that one!

I think it’s a bit insensitive tbh. Very self congratulatory.

I assume there’s a mix.

Also lies, fantasy and plain old bullshitting probably have a role to play in those threads that make you feel bad so try not to beat yourself up.

I think it’s a bit insensitive tbh. Very self congratulatory.

So people who can save more, aren't allowed to post?

What's the cut off? I wish I could save that amount a month, but surely on a general savings thread, it's expected that there will be a range of people.

There's been times in my life where saving anything at all would have been a success. Would that mean, I could tell people who managed to save £20 a month were self congratulatory and insensitive?

This is what I mean, whilst there may be alot of "mc mners" there's a lot of posters that think only the people in the worst financial situations should be able to post.

It's the kids activities and schools threads that get me. My kids do a couple of organised activities each per week, and their schools are good, they are really polite and well behaved and happy, but it feels like nothing compared to what some other kids do that I read about on here. It makes me feel nervous that I have somehow failed them for not stuffing every day plus the weekend with activities and that they don't go to private school.

I wasn't aware K was a WC letter. I have told my elderly dog, formerly known as Ken, that he has been renamed Mabel. (I told him a while back that he probably should seriously reconsider being a staffy. But he just lay there on the grey fluffy rug, watching reality tv and scoffing a Ferrero rocher for his tea).

@AlDanvers

Most of MN seems to base class on a BBC survey, which is confusing at best. Apparently, you can't move class or it takes 3 generations to change class. There's no set rules.

I had to Google this. I got told I was “elite”

I’m not. I’m 100% working class and 3 generations previously, my family were travellers!

It’s an old survey though and income, house values etc have changed significantly since then. If the survey was repeated today with comparative incomes I would get a very different result!!