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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is MN middle class? Feeling inadequate and that my life is boring.

332 replies

sleaf · 11/01/2022 21:50

Is MN mainly full of middle to upper class posters?

Having read through some of the threads, especially tonight's holiday thread where everyone appears to be having multiple holidays this year, I'm feeling very low and inadequate, and that there's something wrong in my life Sad

Oh well, comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

OP posts:
seekinglondonlife · 12/01/2022 13:39

I feel MN is probably more representative of those on the higher end of the wealth divide along with the fantasists. I find though there is often a race to the bottom, and much anger about not being able to "relate to the post". I can't personally relate to people who can buy mansion flats, or those who earn £100k+, or who choose to spend £5k on a chair that they aren't going to use. But why would this make me feel inadequate? These are not 'norms' for 90% of the UK population. If a thread title makes you feel triggered in some way, don't read it!

MaryAndHerNet · 12/01/2022 13:52

I think some people would do well to remember that showing a starving man that you have bread won't make him happy for you, it will just make him notice his hunger all the more.

onlychildhamster · 12/01/2022 13:55

@seekinglondonlife I wasn't actually offended by the £5k chair. The poster was actually quite helpful, she was telling me that comfortable leather sofas actually cost much more and a £1400 one probably wasn't. So I know before I spent my money..

Actually its funny cos mumsnet was created by Justine after she spent probably a lot of money on package holiday with her twins and had an awful experience. she thought a forum where people reviewed their holidays/stuff would be handy.

So in a sense, the thread where people talk about their expensive purchases is helpful. Now i know that there are some mansion flats in Kensington which aren't sound proofed which makes sense as they were built in early 1900s (earlier than my flat). So if there is a reasonably priced one that I can afford one day (in my wildest dreams maybe), maybe I would look into the noise issues...And if there is someone out there who is looking to buy a mansion flat (they can come in all sizes so a smaller one may not be that eye-watering), maybe they would know...

itwasntaparty · 12/01/2022 13:57

@user5656555

But - I worked my arse off to get to where I am now and I had parents who instilled the importance of education, and to be told I'm lying about it annoys me.

So have lots of working class people.

You've also had a lot of luck to be where you are, so sometimes it's just worth having a bit of gratitude and letting such comments go over your head because they're not personal to you and doesn't change the position you're in.

I totally get that and said I was I was lucky to be able to afford certain things but it doesn't make me a liar.
AngelsWithSilverWings · 12/01/2022 13:58

"But - I worked my arse off to get to where I am now and I had parents who instilled the importance of education, and to be told I'm lying about it annoys me"

It is odd when people assume anyone who is wealthy is lying about it.

I have to say though that I grew up poor in a working class family who also instilled the importance of education. Being obsessed ( and my mum was flipping obsessed!) with education is not confined ti the middle classes .

I wouldn't say I got where I am through hard work - it's more down to a combination of good decisions and good luck and being in the right place at the right time.

Guacamole001 · 12/01/2022 14:02

It is mainly middle class yes.

I have noticed a decline in grammar on here of late but not sure if that is a class issue. Just a bete note of mine!

ana1s · 12/01/2022 14:02

I actually don’t think people are lying or overplaying their wealth at all on here. If anything, it’s the opposite. People have to underplay wealth or they will be accused of being a troll.

seekinglondonlife · 12/01/2022 14:03

@onlychildhamster sorry I didn't mean you in particular, I was just thinking of very high end items (that are unaffordable for most) that I have seen over the last few days and then posters use them to say they feel inadequate, or that MN isn't relatable to them. I was actually thinking you were mad to consider spending £1400 on your dining bench 😂

Guacamole001 · 12/01/2022 14:07

Sorry meant to type bete noire earlier. Auto correct in overdrive.

seekinglondonlife · 12/01/2022 14:07

@AngelsWithSilverWings it isn't just very wealthy people who get told they are lying, it's anyone that has more than a disgruntled poster. I was on benefits for several years due to dc being very ill and we went on holiday (term time, £9.99 flights, very cheap accommodation off peak) and I was told I was lying about being on benefits, because when you are a benefit recipient you can't afford toilet roll let alone a holiday.

Cici22 · 12/01/2022 14:08

Bet half of them are Tories too 😂

Honestly ex council estate background and working class. I have to laugh at some of these post I see. Never know so many entitled people.

On the flips side, some amazing post and I'm happy knowing I'm not alone in certain thoughts and situations ❤️

Kanaloa · 12/01/2022 14:25

@MaryAndHerNet

I think some people would do well to remember that showing a starving man that you have bread won't make him happy for you, it will just make him notice his hunger all the more.
Well yeah but if the starving man’s standing staring into a bakery he’ll probably see some bread.

If I didn’t want to see people chatting about their holidays I would avoid a thread titled ‘where are you going on holiday this year?’

onlychildhamster · 12/01/2022 14:47

@seekinglondonlife I have an integrated living/dining area so the sofa bench is a key piece of furniture in my reception room. So I am willing to spend what people spend on a sofa. Yes it is very expensive, but it is full leather and there are many sofas in excess of £1k at DFS. I presume that not everyone who shops there is rich, because when we went there, they had so many ads on buying sofas on credit, so I imagine that some poor people must be buying them.

I haven't looked into how much interest they charged, they claim to be 0% but I wouldn't buy something I can't pay off immediately (except for housing)...Appreciate thats a privilege but that means such an item is a big expense bigger than my mortgage.. But such a system of credit means that for big ticket items, this would increase people's disposable income and hence the price considerably...

5128gap · 12/01/2022 15:06

[quote onlychildhamster]@seekinglondonlife I have an integrated living/dining area so the sofa bench is a key piece of furniture in my reception room. So I am willing to spend what people spend on a sofa. Yes it is very expensive, but it is full leather and there are many sofas in excess of £1k at DFS. I presume that not everyone who shops there is rich, because when we went there, they had so many ads on buying sofas on credit, so I imagine that some poor people must be buying them.

I haven't looked into how much interest they charged, they claim to be 0% but I wouldn't buy something I can't pay off immediately (except for housing)...Appreciate thats a privilege but that means such an item is a big expense bigger than my mortgage.. But such a system of credit means that for big ticket items, this would increase people's disposable income and hence the price considerably...[/quote]
You're far better off using interest free credit for large purchases. That way the lump sum stays in your account earning you more money, rather than in the company's. Perhaps they're not 'poor people' who shop there, just people with good financial literacy.

onlychildhamster · 12/01/2022 15:27

@5128gap Oh I use credit for everything, I pay it off in full every month! I wasn't saying everyone who uses credit for a sofa is poor, its just not enough money to be bothered about having to be paid in installments personally. I would just pay in cash so I don't need to bother about it. But credit does make such purchases more accessible so people who don't have the cash can afford the furniture they really want more easily.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/01/2022 15:32

” You're far better off using interest free credit for large purchases. That way the lump sum stays in your account earning you more money, rather than in the company's. Perhaps they're not 'poor people' who shop there, just people with good financial literacy.”

Agreed, and I think attitudes towards credit is one of those things which can be a class distinguisher. My parents (upper working class) always taught me never to use credit, would never use it themselves – because that made sense several decades ago for people of their class and income bracket and when interest rates were high, so borrowing money was a really expensive way of having something. Plus - and perhaps just as meaningfully - for people of their background, credit carried a certain stigma: you only bought things “on tick” if you were either really poor or a bit feckless with your money and unable to budget properly. Where I came from, respectable working class people lived within their means, and that was very much an important social value for us.

Whereas nowadays, with interest rates so low, and for somebody of my income bracket who is both eligible for the best inflation-busting rates and can easily afford to service a debt, credit is often actually the cheapest and most sensible option for a large purchase. If I wanted to, say, replace my kitchen I could borrow £15,000 at 1.99% over three years. In total I’d pay back a little over £16,000 so it would cost me about £1,000 to do so. With inflation running at over 5%, and the cost of building materials and trade labour having almost doubled in some parts of the country, if I’d chosen to save up first I’d need to save far more money to buy the same thing a couple of years later. The same value which was sensible and respectable for my parents, would be really quite financially illiterate behaviour for me.

onlychildhamster · 12/01/2022 15:33

@5128gap

I mean here are the pitfalls;

www.fool.co.uk/personal-finance/your-money/learn/is-furniture-finance-a-good-idea/

You may be tempted to overspend. If you are not paying the full amount for a sofa or bed or table up front, it may be tempting to go above your budget.
You will be taking on more debt. Having multiple loans and credit accounts can affect your credit score.
You are making a monthly financial commitment, which in turn will impact your disposable income.
If you miss any repayments, you could negatively impact your credit score.

When I pay in cash, I just pay what I can afford and if my financial situation changes, I am not worried about the furniture i bought a few months ago. Horses for courses though. I can see why its attractive for people without the savings though!

onlychildhamster · 12/01/2022 15:39

@ComtesseDeSpair but 15k would be something even a young professional would easily have in their savings...Let alone £1k. Its not something you have to save towards. I would agree with stuff like loft conversions- taking out finance against the value of your house is a good idea as loft conversion would increase value.

alienalan · 12/01/2022 15:42

MN is like any social media app. Everything appears to be better than the reality

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 12/01/2022 15:43

Ok so you’re only permitted to start threads if you’re struggling or about struggling otherwise you’re lying or making others feel bad. Got it.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/01/2022 15:43

[quote onlychildhamster]@ComtesseDeSpair but 15k would be something even a young professional would easily have in their savings...Let alone £1k. Its not something you have to save towards. I would agree with stuff like loft conversions- taking out finance against the value of your house is a good idea as loft conversion would increase value.[/quote]
I think this is exactly what the OP of this thread she started several pages ago is talking about. No, the average going professional does not necessarily have £15k easily sitting about in their savings; and seeing people state that as a fact is what the thread was originally about.

user5656555 · 12/01/2022 15:44

If you save up £1500 for a sofa, by the time you've saved for it, it could have gone up in price. If you pay with interest free credit you buy it at the potentially cheapest price (particularly with inflation increasing) without any interest charges. Just an example of how it can work out though I appreciate the comment about temptation to spend more.

It's too simplistic and old school to say credit purchases are always a bad thing, especially when interest free.

hangrylady · 12/01/2022 15:47

Yes MN is very middle class it stands out a mile! Using the word cunt doesn't fool anybody.Grin

Refrosty · 12/01/2022 15:49

@LadyPropane

Everyone on MN falls into 2 categories:

So poor that they haven't eaten in 3 weeks and are selling their toenail clippings on Etsy to save up for a pack of bog roll, or so rich that they have their Butler check MN for them and post fancy musings on their behalf.

You forgot rich/decent disposable income, but like to competitively underspend. That's what I see the most here.
onlychildhamster · 12/01/2022 15:51

@ComtesseDeSpair well cos you said that someone of your income bracket would do well borrrowing 15k on the best interest rates. I assume you have a good income and therefore ability to build up good savings. If someone doesn't have the ability to build up good savings, then choosing an upmarket product probably isn't the most prudent. I think the problem isn't actually taking out the credit due to low inflation rates, but because credit makes lifestyle inflation much easier! Of course, some people think £1k for a sofa or some other item is better than them suffering for years on something that isn't optimal so for that reason, the no interest finance could be a very good idea for them. But thats why I don't really see the appeal of furniture finance for someone who does have the money to pay for it but just chooses to spread it out! Thats just my opinion though.