AIBU to not agree with parents who still don't take Covid seriously enough

[HipsterMum]

Alright here it goes another Covid related post. My husband and I lost 3 relatives due to Covid so we take it quite seriously. We have 2 kids and at the very start of pandemic we made a decision to have them stay at home with us and not in nurseries for a good year but obviously since our oldest has started school that was no longer possible. We both however still work from home.
We do socialize with people but take all the precautions we can (vaccinated/ meet outdoors with others/ masks at all times even outside / ldfs). I do however struggle to understand how even after all this time people do not follow those simple instructions (both vaccinated and unvaccinated).

So a recent incident that changed my relationship with another mum from my sons class (we were really friendly before). Lets call her Mandy. She is not Mandy 🙂Nothing against Mandys though. Anyway... So I was told that she had tested positive for covid 8 days ago over holiday period by her ex partner who dropped off her son. He told me that they've not had much contact with her since then so were not certain if she was feeling better and was gonna do a pick up (they take it in turns). I was invited with my youngest and my son for a cup of tea at hers after school by this other mum whose son my kid is also friends with. As I mentioned earlier we really try to take any precautions we can and I only said yes assuming it was just going to be for an hour or so and just us. I also only just gotten my booster jab a day earlier so really it wouldn't have had any effect yet in terms of giving me protection. So long story short at the pick up I see Mandy from the distance not wearing a mask and just chatting away with everyone. She mentions that its been 8 days now since first symptoms and that she didn't have it too bad just like a simple cold. Anyways.. we get going and happened to all be going together in the same direction. Kids being annoying little kids start saying that they were going to each others houses ... Mandys boy has a fit saying ' I want to go to his house too right now can we, can we '. And really in a very childish way Mandy goes 'aw darling you see you weren't invited this time'. I mean needless to say her boy starts being hysterical instantly . (What parent says things like that????) My other mum friend then goes ' well you can of course come too if you want' and then asks me if I wouldn't mind of course. I hate being put in this position but I had to be honest. I said that I ' ve only just gotten my booster jab and considering that its not been full 10 days since she had tested positive I don't think it would be wise. I apologised and said not to take it personally. I felt horrible that very instance. Her kid started crying , she was giving me really awful looks, my kid kept on asking me if we were going or not, my other friend felt awkward.

Guys I am honestly not a paranoid person but we all have different situations. I would have never thought of going out for the first time ( well 8 days after) and straight to other peoples houses without a mask. I mean how can you be certain if you are not contagious still?? We are having old friends coming over from Italy for a few days and my friend is 6 months pregnant. They are isolating before and asked us to be careful too. I cannot put her at risk . And regardless we all have our situations and sometimes as a result of Covid we just can't meet up with the same amount of people that we want. Needless to say that Mandy got very offended with me. Said I made a big deal over nothing because she was probably no longer contagious. That I made her son really upset. Ignores me during pick ups and drop offs. I feel so guilty although I was just being honest.

And even in Scotland, ruled by Queen of Covid Nicola Sturgeon, we have NEVER been told to wear a mask when visiting people in their houses.

This is your own wee special rule OP, which you have devised just for you, and think everyone else should be doing.

I think you are a bit over worried - people who are vaccinated are probably going to be fine if they covid, as are young children. I think the fear is going to harm you more than the disease. In any case your son attending school with this same boy is going to be the same risk as going to someone's house, surely.

However if people do want to take further precautions then it's unreasonable not to respect that. I have friends who are still very over cautious and I don't stop speaking to them because they decline to visit if my toddler has a cold, or if they want to wear a mask in my house etc.

IMO if you didn't want to take the risk then this mandy should have respected that.

How is your vulnerable pregnant friend getting to Scotland from Italy? It is a bloody long drive, so I am guessing she is flying over, and sitting in a metal tube with a couple of hundred strangers for a couple of hours, as well as passing though two airports full of people? I'd say the risk of that is way higher than a quick coffee with a couple of other people. It is entirely up to you what you are willing to do, but I am not sure you are assessing the risks accurately.

What a load of crap.

To Marshmallow person. I respect other peoples mental space and where they are at. You are completely misreading the guidance though. Nowhere does it say not to take a PCR test for a few months... PCR test is a first response for anyone with any active symptoms. GPs in scotland will not necessarily see you with any symtomps of cold without a negative pcr first. You think the doctors are taking it too seriously too?

Again I respect her being in a different mental space and wanting to hang out 8 days after Covid. I can also chose not to be in a closed space with her during that particular time.

The problem is OP everything you have written seems to be personal against Mandy. Even in your response you made it personal.

It could have been handled with a simple I am sorry but to due to Covid and having friends come over who are vulnerable I would rather just limit it to one friend this time. Maybe next time when this is all over we can do something in a bigger group.

Perfectly reasonable and fine - but you made it personal and about them and then told them not to take it personally.

And what did you want her to say - sorry you have not been invited it is a small playdate next time we can do something bigger is fine

You are making your own rules then are angry when others don't follow them. Not sure where you live but I'm in England and wearing masks outdoors has never been required, meeting outdoors only ended months ago and test to release on days 6 and 7 came in before Christmas. By all means assess your own risk but don't expect others to follow your made up rules. Other people take covid less seriously than you as for most people now it's a minor illness.

Hipster person.

You do not know what you are talking about.

www.nhsinform.scot/campaigns/what-to-do-if-you-have-coronavirus-covid-19

"PCR testing within 90 days of a positive result
You should not book a PCR test if you've tested positive for coronavirus in the last 90 days, unless you develop new symptoms."

You are way, way, OTT and quite frankly I think "Mandy" has had a very lucky escape. Good luck with your sanitising, masks, covid-paranoia and hope it's going to disappear.

I can’t wait until these threads go away forever.

I’m very sorry for your losses but you really need to reevaluate the risks now we have vaccines. Are you going to live like this forever? However I think you did the right thing for you by opting out on this occasion and people should respect your choices.

@Quartz2208

The problem is OP everything you have written seems to be personal against Mandy. Even in your response you made it personal.

It could have been handled with a simple I am sorry but to due to Covid and having friends come over who are vulnerable I would rather just limit it to one friend this time. Maybe next time when this is all over we can do something in a bigger group.

Perfectly reasonable and fine - but you made it personal and about them and then told them not to take it personally.

And what did you want her to say - sorry you have not been invited it is a small playdate next time we can do something bigger is fine

But thats exactly what I said ! At what stage did I make it about them ? Just because it happened to be their child crying? I said it as it was and said I would be more comfortable keeping it as a small gathering but if my personal reasons offend anyone or make anyone at all uncomfortable I am more happy to re arrange for my sons and myself. Bloody hell everything on MN is taken out of context straightaway.

Yabu for judging someone else who is not following your made up, 2020 style rules when we have moved on.
Yabvvvu for the frequent use of 'guys'

@Ileflottante

I can’t wait until these threads go away forever.

I agree. These threads are more tiring than actual covid. Dissecting the minute details in every scenario and judging

@MarshmallowFondant

Hipster person.

You do not know what you are talking about.

www.nhsinform.scot/campaigns/what-to-do-if-you-have-coronavirus-covid-19

"PCR testing within 90 days of a positive result
You should not book a PCR test if you've tested positive for coronavirus in the last 90 days, unless you develop new symptoms."

You are way, way, OTT and quite frankly I think "Mandy" has had a very lucky escape. Good luck with your sanitising, masks, covid-paranoia and hope it's going to disappear.

What 90 days have to do with it? Mandy has had a positive test result 7 days ago. She never told anyone if she had taken lfd tests and they were negative . She assumed 'she was no longer contagious because its been 8 days'. She would be wearing a mask in the house which is indoors. Some school have a police of wearing masks outdoors during picks up and have made it compulsory because parents chat to one another.

Sorry meant to say she doesn't wear masks indoors. Anyway I was being honest I didn't make up any rules . I just said it would have made me uncomfortable. We are told to avoid close contact outside of your household for 10 days after a positive test. I follow this recommendation.

But why should she tell you that she had taken LFT that were negative - surely the fact she is out on Day 8 means you would assume that would be the case.

You cant be certain you arent contagious. A LFT gives an indication but not a definite. You can be out after 10 days with no symptoms and still have a positive LFT.

What do you want from this OP? Some people follow the minimum guidelines (which is Mandy) others like you follow more. it is a personal choice and everyone has the right to decide what they are willing to risk.

Having someone come over from Italy to Scotland is a huge risk as well far more than having someone round!

You and Mandy arent friends. You are comfortable with your choices - no one needs to validate them. She is clearly happy with hers

You are being ridiculous about this - to healthy people this variant is no worse than a mild cold.

I really wish people would stop saying this. No one knows yet the full implications of this disease and any long term damage infection/repeated infections might inflict on the heart, lungs, brain etc, even from a mild case of it.

@Quartz2208

But why should she tell you that she had taken LFT that were negative - surely the fact she is out on Day 8 means you would assume that would be the case.

You cant be certain you arent contagious. A LFT gives an indication but not a definite. You can be out after 10 days with no symptoms and still have a positive LFT.

What do you want from this OP? Some people follow the minimum guidelines (which is Mandy) others like you follow more. it is a personal choice and everyone has the right to decide what they are willing to risk.

Having someone come over from Italy to Scotland is a huge risk as well far more than having someone round!

You and Mandy arent friends. You are comfortable with your choices - no one needs to validate them. She is clearly happy with hers

Her problem was not my stand on Covid although she might disagree with it. She continues to make a stand that I upset her son with my behaviour. She is not bothered about my Covid choices. I am sorry this is just plain childish. I didn't walk around telling people 'Mandy has just had Covid don't talk to her' that would be ridiculous and beyond what everyone here calls rude. I was just being honest with her over my personal concerns and that I wouldn't have been comfortable to meet up indoors with her just yet. In a weeks time after my friend has left and my booster jab started working no problem. That was it.

I don't care what I come across as to Mandy. People here seem to be so much more bothered about coming across rude to anyone than actually taking precautions.

So your OP is all 'please tell me I'm not being unreasonable, I'm riddled with guilt about being rude'. But now you've not got the reaction you wanted of everyone agreeing with you you don't give a fuck?

People are bothered about taking SOME precautions. The point many posters have made to you, which you've pretty much ignored, is that the precaution you're taking (and seem to want everyone to) are pretty excessive and not in line with everything we've learnt about the virus between March 2020 and now.

Not surprised people still do not take regulations seriously. We would have already been over Covid altogether if we were.

Wow this is the thread that keeps on giving if you really think that you're delusional. There's no getting over covid. It will be around forever. Do you know how hard it is to eradicate a disease? Even the bloody Black Plague is still around. And just like in the 1300's there were restrictions when necessary but if we locked down forever until it was gone we'd be in lockdown for 700 years. Lockdowns and restrictions are about controlling and limiting spread, not eradication.

I said hello to Mandy repeatedly it is her choice to be offended by it.

She's probably not offended, just wants to stay away from someone who's acting like a crackpot.

Again I was more than happy for Mandy to go and for myself and most sons to rearrange.

Another convenient little drip that wasn't how you told the story in your OP at all. But then you have changed it 30 odd times now and webs of lies do get confusing.

I also refuse to accept what Mandy has told me . That I made her son upset.

So now you accept, and are actually proud of the fact, you were rude, but refuse to accept that being the one to say no to them joining upset her son. Wow, your cognitive dissonance is powerful. It doesn't matter that he was pre upset from not being invited, that upset went away when other mum invited them. You then upset him all over again by saying no. Now as you've proudly stated, saying no is you prerogative, but you've gotta accept what it caused.

Nowhere does it say not to take a PCR test for a few months

More bullshit. After having a positive pcr you're not meant to get another one for 90 unless you have new symptoms (not an overhang of the last set of symptoms because these can go on for months. This is because pcr's are very sensitive and will pick up fragments of of genetic material left over despite the fact that you're no longer infectious. Once again you are making things up to suit your own agenda

I was just being honest with her over my personal concerns and that I wouldn't have been comfortable to meet up indoors with her just yet. In a weeks time after my friend has left and my booster jab started working no problem. That was it.

Which is sensible OP. If Mandy is too thick to comprehend it, thats her problem

I didn't pass on this incident to anyone going 'you know what happened with Mandy the other day'.... most of you would have probably done that about me. 'Wanna know what this crazy paranoid person said to my son... she told him he wasn't invited!'. It wasn't the situation. I apologized multiple times for making things uncomfortable but that I had to be honest. I continued to say hello at the gate and being friendly. She chooses to give me looks and ignore me. Its her choice.

But that isnt what your original thread is.

The title is to not agree with parents who still dont take Covid seriously. And nowhere in this does it seem Mandy didnt take it seriously (give you only saw her on day 8 not refusing to isolate at all). So yes in that sense YABU. There is nothing to say she didnt follow the guidelines. You are perfectly entitled to say to her you were not comfortable but not to judge her on that.

Is she being unreasonable to blame her son being upset on you. Of course she is - the fact that her son cried and your assertion that it happens a lot probably means she doesnt like to handle it by being firm and the fact that she left that to you is wrong.

I suspect actually that this isnt a COVID problem as such either. And if you took that out I think far more would be on your side.

I think you are a paranoid person and you’re struggling with anxiety which is totally understandable having lost so many people to covid but, in the kindest way possible, it’s a mild illness for the vast majority of people. If you’re young and healthy, your family are highly unlikely to be affected by covid especially since you’re vaccinated. Children have never particularly been affected so your DC will be fine too. You’re sending them to school so if they’re going to pick up covid anywhere, it’ll be there.

I had covid last month and also at the start of the pandemic, I’ve honestly had much worse colds before and I’ve had the flu once which was far, far worse. I appreciate it is a serious illness for some but for most it really isn’t a big deal.

Your friend is following the current guidelines so did nothing wrong.

@Quartz2208

But that isnt what your original thread is.

The title is to not agree with parents who still dont take Covid seriously. And nowhere in this does it seem Mandy didnt take it seriously (give you only saw her on day 8 not refusing to isolate at all). So yes in that sense YABU. There is nothing to say she didnt follow the guidelines. You are perfectly entitled to say to her you were not comfortable but not to judge her on that.

Is she being unreasonable to blame her son being upset on you. Of course she is - the fact that her son cried and your assertion that it happens a lot probably means she doesnt like to handle it by being firm and the fact that she left that to you is wrong.

I suspect actually that this isnt a COVID problem as such either. And if you took that out I think far more would be on your side.

But thats the thing these days isn't it. You read a title somewhere or someone's old tweet comes up and we are all throwing tomatoes at them straight away and ready to crucify . How can you possibly express yourself well enough in your original post online if I couldn't even do so in person with Mandy being as polite and gentle as possible.

@Hemingwayzcatz

I think you are a paranoid person and you’re struggling with anxiety which is totally understandable having lost so many people to covid but, in the kindest way possible, it’s a mild illness for the vast majority of people. If you’re young and healthy, your family are highly unlikely to be affected by covid especially since you’re vaccinated. Children have never particularly been affected so your DC will be fine too. You’re sending them to school so if they’re going to pick up covid anywhere, it’ll be there.

I had covid last month and also at the start of the pandemic, I’ve honestly had much worse colds before and I’ve had the flu once which was far, far worse. I appreciate it is a serious illness for some but for most it really isn’t a big deal.

Your friend is following the current guidelines so did nothing wrong.

Saying you understand someone who struggles with anxiety and then straightaway call them 'paranoid' is quite a weird thing to do. You are offering them an understanding yet straightaway telling them they are crazy basically. Fantastic.