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Original poster

to think this comment is totally inappropriate

400 replies

SantasLittleFriend · 24/12/2007 20:44

I phoned my friend this evening to wish her a Merry Christmas & ask how her pg was going. My best mate is 41+5 weeks pg & a midwife came to do a sweep but it was'nt her regular midwife. She told her the usual that she should go into labour very soon blah blah, however, they said that with her DD 1 and she ended up getting to nearly 43 weeks & had to be induced.

The midwife told my friend that the best way to get into labour is to have sex but to swallow is more effective, my friend said "what do you mean by swallow" and she said "you know, oral". She wan't even laughing about it either.

I really cant believe a trained professional would say something like this. Should she report this midwife? I told her she should. I would be furious. Is she being unreasonable to report her because of this comment?

OP posts:
YummersBrandyAndMincePies · 27/12/2007 21:05

can we all please stop being so british about it? good advice is good advice, even if it contains a few 'rude' words. some women do go on having lots of sex right up until the big day. not me, obviously, but i don't see why it's more offensive to talk about oral sex than sex in general. i know it is a bit embarassing coming from a health professional, but maybe its our attitude of embarassment about the facts of life that needs adjusting, not the midwife's advice? after all you'd have to have a pretty sound working knowledge of the intricacies of reproduction to be 41 weeks pregnant in the first place!

MotherFunk · 27/12/2007 21:07

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FluffyMummy123 · 27/12/2007 21:08

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AGlassOfMerlot · 27/12/2007 21:15

Good point iCod. It has nothing to do with being British.

As for MotherFunk saying blowjobs and swallowing is absolutely fine then that is just HER opinion. Not all women are into blow jobs believe it or not MF .

AGlassOfMerlot · 27/12/2007 21:16

and certainly not into swallowing then .

FluffyMummy123 · 27/12/2007 21:16

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RudolphtheBluenosesaintdeer · 27/12/2007 21:19

I'm not overly keen on blow jobs myself, but then again, the midwife wasn't offering to give SLF's friend one (or indeeed bring in a volunteer) - she was giving her an 'alternative' suggestion that she could try if she wanted too ...

MotherFunk · 27/12/2007 21:21

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madamez · 27/12/2007 21:23

Did the OP's friend arrive in the labour ward clutching bucketloads of religious tracts about sin, or wearing a burqua, or give any really obvious indications that she is more than normally uptight and disfunctional about all kinds of sexual behaviour? Because if so the MW might have been a little tactless in talking about a sex act in front of her. But if she presented as a relatively normal adult PG female, then if she is so immature, disfunctional and narrow minded as to go up the wall over a harmless and possibly well-meant suggestion, then that's her problem and no one else's.

AGlassOfMerlot · 27/12/2007 21:24

Well it is offensive to a woman that doesnt do blow jobs. Of course it is.

bogie · 27/12/2007 21:26

It is true but not somthing you would expect a midwife tosay to you

RudolphtheBluenosesaintdeer · 27/12/2007 21:26

Merlot - how?

From what i have read from the OP it was information given in a factual way??

How is that offensive?

FluffyMummy123 · 27/12/2007 21:26

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hatrick · 27/12/2007 21:26

This reply has been deleted

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AGlassOfMerlot · 27/12/2007 21:26

what the hell is 'NORMAL' mademez?

AGlassOfMerlot · 27/12/2007 21:29

I think a pg woman of 41 odd weeks might be a little bit sensitive yeah? So a stupid bint of a MW saying "give your DH a blow job & swallow his sperm" might be a little bit insensitive, especially for a woman that doesnt do blowies & swallowing.

MotherFunk · 27/12/2007 21:30

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MotherFunk · 27/12/2007 21:31

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StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 27/12/2007 21:32

And how would the m/w know that your friend doesn't do "blowies".

Maybe it should be a question on the booking form. I think you're a troll.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 27/12/2007 21:33

The OP that is.

AGlassOfMerlot · 27/12/2007 21:34

But the MW was assuming that ALL women give blow jobs just by making that comment. She should have said nothing, i.e. do the sweep and go.

RudolphtheBluenosesaintdeer · 27/12/2007 21:34

According to the OP, the midwife said

"the best way to get into labour is to have sex but to swallow is more effective"

that is not the same as saying

"give your DH a blow job & swallow his sperm"

It was advice it wasn't an order

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 27/12/2007 21:35

But if she said nothing then for most women who do participate in oral sex and would not be offended - then she would have done them a disservice by NOT mentioning it.

MotherFunk · 27/12/2007 21:36

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madamez · 27/12/2007 21:38

AGOM: 'normal' in the context of this thread would mean ' someone who is aware that spunk is involved in the making of babies and doesn't have a hangup about that'.

Now I suppose it's just possible that someone who had only concieved through IVF due to her partner being physically incapable of sex, for instance, might find lighthearted references to not-at-all-unusual sexual acts somehow upsetting. Also, perhaps, a woman whose pregnancy was the result of a rape, or who had serious phobic issues around oral sex, or something, might get upset by such a comment.
But the vast majority of mentally healthy women would not be offended by such a comment, whether or not they fancied following the advice. And if you (any of you) are screamingly hypersensitive about any particular issues, then it might be as well to get it mentioned in your labour notes (though the doctors will undoubtedly put some medical shorthand for 'humourless, uptight, possibly litigious PITA). Otherwise, learn to get a fucking grip and not to take offence at a remark that was never in a million years meant to cause offence.

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