To expect that my "d"h could get even one present?

[BowQuarterMum]

Am sitting here seething as I have already gone through the torrents of tears bit. Am I being unreasonable to expect that my husband could even buy just one present on his own and wrap it for me so I at least have something under the tree?!?!

Evidently he thinks it is as we have just had a row over it. I really don't understand why he doesn't give me any gifts and he doesn't even have a reason (I've asked). Not on my birthday. Not when our son was born. Not on our anniversary. And now not on Christmas. I don't care really what they are. I just would like something that comes from his own desire of wanting to buy me something.

Why???? I am so angry with him right now. And when I try and ask him about it he grabs a beer from the fridge and tells me he's going to see his friend downstairs. Now he is back and has fallen alsep on the couch seemingly without a care in the world.

I think I will go on strike and not cook anyything over Christmas. Then again, the turkey did cost £40.

Any ideas of what to do? Because my only ideas right now involve pouring hot candle wax or hot water down his pants while he is sleeping. May be momentarily pleasing, but am pretty sure won't lead to any gift giving.

I'd really rather save the money for baby and I in case of a rainy day or in case I ever want to pick my boobs off the floor again with a boob lift surgery. If I don't give him the money now though I am probably just making more hassle for myself.

BQM - he won't change while you just make it easy for him to stay as he is. What are his good qualities as from what you have said on this thread, he just has this whole thing sussed and you are the one coughing up for it.

Hi there is another thread like this in chat which I have posted on.

My ex H did not often bother to buy presents or give cards much on the basis it was all commercial crap. And used to make it sound like it was all my fault.

It sort of grinds you down after a while doesn't it. Sorry to hear that he is being so selfish.

Hope you can enjoy tomorrow.

I'd make a distinction between a gift and putting him through college. A course will benefit you all. Just insist on a present. Whine and whine until you get one. Tell everyone what a meanie he is. Go on and on about it until he buys you something. Tell him only something really good will do. Just insist. Think of it as puppy training.

Lazy bugger.

It doesn't matter if HE thinks Christmas, Valentine's etc are just Hallmark holidays, it's what they mean to YOU.

Return his presents and buy yourself something lovely.

Update: I asked for something to make me "look or feel nice" yeah? So he got me....

.... an electric blanket. lol!

To be fair I also got a little perfume and some nice tesco candles, thanks to some not very subtle hinting on my part in the supermarket yesterday. At least he's less of an arse than the op's mean hubby.

Hope you buy yourself something nice, and accidentally take his portion of the turkey out of the oven half an hour early. Give him the gift which just keeps on giving...sickness and diarrheoa! (joking!)

feel sorry for you all
must give dh an extra hug
he always comes up with the best presents for me and same as op my birthday is next to christmas (15th dec) so extra shopping for dh

hope you all had a lovely day

Bow - did you give him his presents? i wouldn't've! and yeah, i know Christmas isn't all about receiving stuff, but it IS about sharing, and loving, and your dh is doing neither of those things.

i wouldn't give him the 5k either. but then i am a cow.

take his presents back to the shops tomorrow, then leave baby with him and use the money to get your hair done or some lovely new clothes in the sales!!

"Bow he believes Christmas, Birthdays, Valentines etc is nothing but commercial crap. He wont even buy or make cards. In ten years of marriage..."

Maybe he thinks ten years of marriage say more than cards or presents bought on particular days? Does a present bought solely because the recipient expects it really say much, anyway?

I don't think it's the present per se that the OP wants as the reassurance that her dh has thought about her at those times and isn't just taking her for granted. Even a handmade card or offer to mind the kids for a night would demonstrate some affection - some people like tangible things whilst others are content with just being together and buying things as they need them. My ex bf hates Christmas (not as it's commercialised) but simply as my family "do" it on one way and his barely give a passing nod to the season (he hates my family which doesn't really help). I had to respect his way of thinking whilst he slagged off mine . Needless to say, I didn't.

Oh I could give you a hige hug - my dh never bought me anything either - first xmas as a mum after 3 ivf's and not even a little thing on behalf of the baby. hurt like hell! x

Oh forgot to say i wanted to poke holes in the lovely woolen sweater that he had bought himself to wear on xmas day! Its going in the wash on a very hot setting ha ha!

BOW, I agree with Jamesetc. take all his pressies back. My DH got it wrong this year but he took the time to hunt for what he wanted to buy and actually bought me something which he thought I would like want.

YANBU. My Dh always buys me gifts. He often sorts out the DD's main presents and has helped with the stocking presents this year.

DONT EVER BUY HIM ANYTHING AGAIN!!

My sister's dh used to never buy her anything, but has gradually gotten much better (they have been together 24 years)

Anyhow, one Mother's Day he rushed out a half hour before the shops shut, and came back with an enormous cake. She was dieting at the time - took one look at it and tipped it into the bin

Still makes me laugh!

He does buy pressies now, so maybe there is hope????

Good Luck!!! Try not to throttle him too badly
[f hugs]

My DP hasnt brought me a christmas present for the past three years. Its down to money i guess, but it does hurt that there was no card this year - i do try not to attach any significance to it but it does hurt. I made an effort and got him a present, it wasnt appropriate and we have to take it back. Last year we didnt buy anything. We sort of agreed to do it, but a box of chocolates wuldnt have gone amiss really. I didnt buy him a card either, because i knew i wouldnt be getting one. Its sad really as we used to buy really slushy cards and write loads of lovvy stuff in it.

Today he said he had enough of me because i got stressed over something. We have had a rough couple of years - it has made me wonder if the lack of card/present is more ominous that i am pretending it to be. (he has apologised over the comment and took me out to lunch, but i have that twisted feeling in my tummy AGAIN).

Of course it is probably down to money, if he had money he would be really extravagant but i just wonder if his imagination doesnt stretch to a box of nice chocolates or a cuddly toy!

BQM go on the plumbing course yourself.

He can get a loan if he wants to do it.

Don't give him any presents and don't even get him his dinner ready.
Just point him in the direction of the kitchen after you've sat down with your own dinner.

Also, what's all this about doing his laundry?? Come on girl.
Book a massage for yourself and invoice him.

My DH buys presents, mostly from DDs (not sure if he gets embarrassed or what, but DDs always give me pretty decent presents, although I know where they have come from.

I do remember one year DH didn't bother with Mothers Day, I was completely heart broken and went to work at short notice, I gave him such a hard time he so far has never dared to do it since ( and I think he only got away with it then because DDs were too young to notice!

Bow - so what did you do? Hoping you had an OK day and did something empowering