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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect that my "d"h could get even one present?

45 replies

BowQuarterMum · 24/12/2007 20:22

Am sitting here seething as I have already gone through the torrents of tears bit. Am I being unreasonable to expect that my husband could even buy just one present on his own and wrap it for me so I at least have something under the tree?!?!

Evidently he thinks it is as we have just had a row over it. I really don't understand why he doesn't give me any gifts and he doesn't even have a reason (I've asked). Not on my birthday. Not when our son was born. Not on our anniversary. And now not on Christmas. I don't care really what they are. I just would like something that comes from his own desire of wanting to buy me something.

Why???? I am so angry with him right now. And when I try and ask him about it he grabs a beer from the fridge and tells me he's going to see his friend downstairs. Now he is back and has fallen alsep on the couch seemingly without a care in the world.

I think I will go on strike and not cook anyything over Christmas. Then again, the turkey did cost £40.

Any ideas of what to do? Because my only ideas right now involve pouring hot candle wax or hot water down his pants while he is sleeping. May be momentarily pleasing, but am pretty sure won't lead to any gift giving.

OP posts:
DrNortherner · 24/12/2007 20:24

I really don't understand how some men can be so god damn selfish. What is is problem? Christmas is such a busy time for Mums of course he should have got uo a gift, and I'm not talking expensive.

You don't have to spend lots to think of somebody.

lou33 · 24/12/2007 20:25

i'd stick the turkey on his head

how horrible for you

the only reason he wont give you a reason is because there isnt one, he just seems to be acting like a lazy self centred arse

i am so sorry and i do hope you manage to salvage some sort of a decent christmas from it

juuule · 24/12/2007 20:27

Is it just the gift thing? Is he selfish generally or is he usually dh. If it's just the gift thing then I wouldn't be bothered.
I buy my own gift and wrap it and dh buys his own gift and wraps it. We then get a surprise as to what we got each other

Original poster
BowQuarterMum · 24/12/2007 20:28

Oh and I forgot to mention he has no problem that I have bought him presents or that when we went to Bluewater for Christmas shopping he came out with expensive designer trainers and a new xbox game for him, but nothing for me. At least I did manage to buy some new clothes for the baby. And this is on top of the fact that just last month I returned from the US and brough back a whole load of new clothes and leather items for him.

Argghhhhh!

OP posts:
differentbutthesame · 24/12/2007 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sophierosie · 24/12/2007 20:33

Next time don't get him anything - what a selfish pig.

Jackstini · 24/12/2007 20:33

No YANBU in the slightest.
He sounds like a selfish lazy ungrateful twat.
He could have made you something or given you a voucher for 'I will do the washing up' or something if he's broke. If he's not broke - no excuse.
Would tell him he can cook dinner or end up with sprouts up his
Really do hope you have a lovely Christmas with your baby and he is not so bah humbug tomorrow.
In future don't bother with the presents for him - if he asks, say you thought that's what he wanted. You can then save up for a holiday for a well deserved rest for you

Original poster
BowQuarterMum · 24/12/2007 20:41

differentbutthesame - does your dh ever offer up a reason why he doesn't give you anything?

I just can't my head around why men wouldn't be able to give somewthing, anything. It doiesn't have to be expensive.

I would love anything so long as I saw he made the effort. And he does have money as well. Even if he didn't I have told him that him making dinner, looking after the baby for 1 night or a massage would be gratefully received as well. I mean what greater gift for a new Mum could there be than an offer of a full night's sleep?

OP posts:
LOONEYplayingachristmasTUNEy · 24/12/2007 20:48

That's so sad, I'm that someone could be so thoughtless. I've just told my dh this whilst he was right in the middle of watching a movie and he was outraged and kept saying WHY WHY WHY!!! We didn't have money til today for him to buy my present(s) but after hardly sleeping last night and going shopping at 6am, he looked sooooo tired and I told him to leave it and I'll get myself something after Christmas. He was really upset and wanted to still go but I pushed and pushed and said I'd rather he was home than fight his way round town like that. Now he's the one upset that he hasn't got me anything. He can be a right sh*t in other ways but he'd never do that. We really feel for you {{{hugs}}}

Original poster
BowQuarterMum · 24/12/2007 20:58

Thanks for your hugs LOONEYplayingachristmasTUNEy. I feel realy down right now and would like to do something dramatic like throw away all his presents or take down the Christmas tree. This might bring on a worse row, but it really really annoys me that he is here in front of me sleeping on the couch.

OP posts:
sophierosie · 24/12/2007 21:00

Don't give him his presents. He obviously doesn't deserve them.

differentbutthesame · 24/12/2007 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swiftyknickers · 24/12/2007 21:02

dont give him any presents-utter twat.

Ispy · 24/12/2007 21:03

BQM an DBTS - that is so You must feel so unappreciated.

My dh does buy me gifts but I do find that there seems to be a theme with a lot of men. For example I have done ALL the shopping, gifts for the dc and food for tomorrow as well as wrap all the gifts and decorate the whole house. Even managed to have our tree delivered so he didn't have to do anything there.. He had to go for a nap tonight for 2 hours because he was so tired

Let me add that I am 8 months pregnant so I'm extra knackered...

He also commented during the week that he was stressed because it's my birthday next weekend and when is he going to find the time to shop for that. Like I'm putting him out. For dinner tomorrow I am having my family over and he hasn't asked one question about what time we're having dinner/or what we're having etc....

He's a good man but gosh he just gets so stressed this time of year without actually contributing all that much...

Ispy · 24/12/2007 21:07

Also BQM, you should be treated like a queen this Christmas being a new Mum. for you.

differentbutthesame · 24/12/2007 21:09

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 24/12/2007 21:10

op I would get all his presents out from under the tree when he has gone to bed, and put them away somewhere. When he finally twigs tomorrow that you aren't going to give them any presents and he asks where they are, just tell him you kept the receipts as you suspected he wouldn't get YOU anything, and you're taking them back to the shops in a few days to get the money back and spend it on something nice for yourself. Let him see how it feels.

My dp can be a bit crap with presents- previous years gifts include:

-a small childs organiser in pink plastic with a kitten on the front- it had a "my best friends are..." list in it ffs! (and that was all I got)

-a second hand minidisc player in an unwrapped scratched up box when I'd asked for an mp3 player. I had to ask if he'd actually got me anything as it was 5pm

-the year I asked for "jewellery" (nothing expensive, I was thinking a dress ring at about £20-£30) I got a £6 necklace and earrings set from claires accessories in silver coloured metal with pink plastic beads in it, which actually fell apart as I took them out of the box, to add insult to injury!

This year he has bought me something from tesco which he has kept secret. I suspect it's something for the kitchen, but I could be wrong. He hasn't wrapped it yet though, he always leaves wrapping things til I've used all the nice paper and there's no curling ribbon left.

Men!

differentbutthesame · 24/12/2007 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 24/12/2007 21:13

Me too, sorry.

differentbutthesame · 24/12/2007 21:15

This reply has been deleted

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brusselbeansprouts · 24/12/2007 21:15

I think he is just a lazy, selfish arse. Sorry, but that's how I feel.

Why do you continue to buy him presents? He really is sitting pretty at the moment.

Original poster
BowQuarterMum · 24/12/2007 21:18

Oh girls I'm really sorry for all of us. It seems our men challeneged in this area.

I don't get it though. Don't they know the effort we put into their presents? The lovely dinners we cook them? Or how about the loads upon loads of laundry we do each week for them?

OP posts:
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 24/12/2007 21:20

dbts, I know, I was like wtf is this? I mean yes we were skint but I had at least got him the book he had been hinting at for a couple of months, what possessed him to buy that I have no idea.

So angry about the op's lazy arse of a husband. Donate all his gifts to charity, that'll show the ungrateful sod.

Original poster
BowQuarterMum · 24/12/2007 21:21

And get this. I earlier agreed to give him the 5K (which happens to be the exact and only amount I will get) return to work bonus I will get in January so that he can start plumbing school. Am I just being stupid? Maybe I am just being to easy with him. My reasoning on paying for the plumbing course though was that it was for the greater good of our family in the long run.

OP posts:
sophierosie · 24/12/2007 21:22

BQM - Sounds like your dh needs a wake up call - you're obviously an intelligent woman - can't you go on strike? Do you split household chores etc 50:50?

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