Page 5 | AIBU to long to be a housewife?

JanuaryBluehoo · 11/01/2022 22:47

Omg user that's hilarious.

Your employer will put between you 80, 000 into your pension in the next five years and you can't miss that five years of 80,000.
🤣🤣🤣🤣

I don't know how to reply to this, assuming all your other years are also 80 grand ...

All compounding and building.

In the real world, most people won't get anywhere near 80 grand into the or pension in five years. Most of us will be extremely happy to have 80 grand in addition to the state pension at the end

I'm sorry but it's ridiculous to assert anyone would ruin their career in five years.

I'm sure there are some out there which really are so niche and up the second on tech they might but other wise...

I just can't imagine what someone who gets 80 grand evry five years Just or the pension..is worried about.

JanuaryBluehoo · 11/01/2022 22:51

We took massive hits, I was a sahm, I went back when youngest was five..

It's absolutely fine.... I'm in a different job that fits around school, we slightly over pay the mortgage, I invest, because we learned to live so incredibly lean... I really feel as rich as midas!! Every single penny we earn is accounted for nothing is wasted.

I work, I earn, by dc see me go to work every day... Dh works...
I have started a sipp which if it ever gets to 80 grand at all.. Will be fine with me.

ChuckMater · 11/01/2022 22:59

As a SAHM, I'd love to be able to swan

Subulter · 11/01/2022 23:05

No, I think you’d be completely mad and very short-sighted to stop working. Quite apart from the economic risk, and the waste of your experience, qualifications, knowledge etc, I think comparatively few people of either sex are psychologically suited to being SAHPs.

clinchlinch · 11/01/2022 23:07

I dream of being a house wife & a sahm. Working and having a child is so hard I lose sleep thinking and organising child care.

Cherryblossoms85 · 11/01/2022 23:09

I can only dream of getting a part time job. I work full-time. I did spend six months at home and loved it. Wasn't planning to go back but I was too tempted by the opportunities the money would open up. Grass is always greener I guess.

Snoozer11 · 11/01/2022 23:12

@onedayoranother

No swanning about until they are at least 8 years old and can organise themselves! It doesn't get that much easier when they start school.

Yes, sitting on your arse and drinking cups of coffee for over 30 hours a week is incredibly hard work.

EightWheelGirl · 11/01/2022 23:12

If 'feeling important' was a big driver then I can see how you could become disillusioned once you find something that really matters (i.e. your children).

I used to feel important managing bids but eventually realised I was ultimately just there to make more money for the shareholder's next yacht. IMO the best motivations are money or genuine enjoyment of the job, not an ego trip which is a bubble that can easily burst.

withsprinkles · 11/01/2022 23:25

I did a lot of ‘swanning’, my house was so tidy most of the time I’d have all my chores done by 9am so the rest of the day and the weekend were for swanning.

This seems incredibly unfair if you have a partner or husband. Why should one person earn all the money and the other person swan around with hours of 'me time' spending it?

I am not cut out to be a SAHM. I don't bake and clean and keep things running like a well-oiled machine. I lie in bed most of the day getting more and more depressed.

DementedPanda · 11/01/2022 23:30

Swanning around 🤣 omg no way! It's hard work. Unless you have a friendship group who are so swanning around its a lonely amd thankless job. Dot get me wrong I loved being with my dc. But it's soul destroying being an adult on your own all the time.

user5656555 · 11/01/2022 23:35

@JanuaryBluehoo it's called the Civil Service, I put in 5.45%, they put in the equivalent of 27%, and that equates to roughly £80,000 over 5 years- why is that hilarious? I'm not even a higher rate tax payer so not I'm not that well off so yes £80,000 means a lot to me. It goes to show how ignorant you are to not understand the cost of not working. I was on minimum wage when I had my son 11 years ago, so yes if I'd stayed home 5 out of the last 11 years I guarantee I'd have taken a big hit. You are incredibly naive.

EightWheelGirl · 11/01/2022 23:42

This seems incredibly unfair if you have a partner or husband. Why should one person earn all the money and the other person swan around with hours of 'me time' spending it?

It's been this way for time immemorial.

Dixiechickonhols · 11/01/2022 23:47

Januarybluehoo maybe it depends on career but I don’t know anyone who has had 5+ years out as a solicitor and come back. There is a women returners course so some must try. Lots of professions you need to keep registration and training up to date so not easy to jump back in.

scarpa · 12/01/2022 00:29

[quote MissMinutes24]@MrPoppysParka Well most people have around 30 min school run on either side of the day so already we're talking about 5-5.5 hours.

In which time one needs to cook, clean, deal with domestic every day admin, domestic one-off/annual admin, declutter, tidy etc etc plus maybe have an hour for lunch?

It's really not that much time.

I used to work part time but actually found it easier going to FT because it meant I could outsource some childcare & cleaning.

Tbh when I was part time and freelance there were periods I was pretty much a SAHM because work was slow and I personally found the Groundhog Day of it all soul destroying. I totally get your fantasies now about museums, baking etc but you won't have time for it every day anyway because of everything else you'll need to do/school getting in the way. So better to carve out weekends/holidays for it and really enjoy those. [/quote]
Do you think it's normal to spend 5 to 5.5 hours a day of admin and cleaning? Genuine question. That's an insane amount of time per day, even with a lunch hour, to apparently be filling doing cleaning and admin. DH and I both work full time so all those tasks are shared - we're not spending upward of 2 hours a day each doing this stuff?!

RiverSkater · 12/01/2022 01:24

It's demoralising and there's a reason it's called housewife.

Keep your career, your sanity and independence.

MintJulia · 12/01/2022 01:32

Furlough gave me the chance to be a sahm. I loved it as a short interlude but I was happy to get back to my friends and my interesting, ever-changing work.

Be careful what you wish for. Does your dh help out?

AutumnColours9 · 12/01/2022 01:36

I've been FT and PT WOHM and SAHM for long periods. I have no regrets but think PT work is the best for the following reasons: it is very stressful being dependent financially, you can never truly rely on a partner, kids grow up very fast and it seems the best of both worlds.
If you can afford to work PT and have a good flexible job then I would be hesitant to give it up. I enjoy my time off more now I am working.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/01/2022 06:50

I would never do it if it meant being financially dependent on a man. Only if I had enough savings of my own to take a few years off.

Original poster

reluctantlondoner · 12/01/2022 08:40

Thank you all for your responses.

Firstly, by "swanning" I meant that I honestly quite enjoy driving or walking about running errands, going to the post office, stopping for chats with neighbours, taking stuff to the food bank collection box, shopping for family procurement / food needs, school appointments etc. I consider that to be "swanning about" compared with being chained to a computer all day!

Secondly, I am surprised by all the comments saying that having some sort of childcare means you aren't a SAHM. Lots of people are still SAHMs with their children in some nursery sessions (especially post-3 due to finding) or school, surely?! As a few posters having pointed out, it's impossible to get certain tasks done with little ones around and even tasks that are do-able take 10 x longer. And you want to enjoy your time with them rather than trying to fit in endless chores. I'd rather have a couple of mornings a week when I know I can get all the non-toddler compatible boring jobs done and maybe even go wild and try to fit in a one hour yoga class, or something like that?! Is that really that crazy / indulgent a plan?! I can't believe women honestly think that other women who are looking after very young children FT should not be allowed any breaks ever, even if those breaks are just to do jobs / housework / have a shower!

OP posts:

Original poster

reluctantlondoner · 12/01/2022 08:41

The last thing I meant to say is that I already do the lion's share of the admin, cleaning, running the home, children's appointments... all while working or caring for my children too...

OP posts:

Original poster

reluctantlondoner · 12/01/2022 08:46

@Luredbyapomegranate thanks for your comment, really resonated. I know you're right really.

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 12/01/2022 08:53

What does your partner think?

Original poster

reluctantlondoner · 12/01/2022 08:55

My partner is open minded about our future possibilities. His career is going places so it would certainly be convenient for him to have me at home taking care of all the childcare stuff! He is hands on and does pitch in but only with certain things, I still do the majority.

OP posts:

Newmumatlast · 12/01/2022 08:56

@reluctantlondoner

I have two children age 1 & 3. I used to have a successful career in a prestigious profession. Although it was hard work, I used to mostly love it and everything that went with it like the long hours, client lunches, feeling educated and important. Since having kids I've lost the love for my career, I now work part time and I find myself sometimes wishing I could just allow myself to be a housewife / SAHM for a few years. I know I can't actually do it because if I give up my career now I will no doubt loose all my confidence, reputation, skills etc and will never be able to get another role like it if and when I find I want to return to the workplace.

But if I am honest, I think I would be quite happy swanning around baking, tidying, organising, looking after my kids and taking care of the home / life admin... as long as we could still afford some childcare because I don't think I could hack no breaks ever (I tried that on maternity leave x 2!) because that just makes me angry, exhausted and resentful. AIBU to long to just "let it go" and actually be a housewife? Will I regret it massively? Is there any point in limping on with a career when I don't really have any interest anymore and would rather be taking my baby to museums and having cups of tea with friends?!

Financially it is extremely helpful that I work but we could probably manage without my salary if we wanted to / needed to, but there would be lifestyle consequences and we do like days out, nice things, holidays etc.

The way you talk about being a SAHM is quite disrespectful. "swanning around"...

If you do it right, and dedicate yourself to the role as you would a job, then there is no swanning around.

That you also cannot see yourself being able to do it without some childcare help, despite your view that it is swanning around, suggests to me it isnt the role for you.

So yes, I think you'd regret it as you clearly have some internalised prejudice re: SAHM versus working mums.

Perhaps try and reduce your hours further at work instead?

Newmumatlast · 12/01/2022 08:57

@reluctantlondoner

Thank you all for your responses.

Firstly, by "swanning" I meant that I honestly quite enjoy driving or walking about running errands, going to the post office, stopping for chats with neighbours, taking stuff to the food bank collection box, shopping for family procurement / food needs, school appointments etc. I consider that to be "swanning about" compared with being chained to a computer all day!

Secondly, I am surprised by all the comments saying that having some sort of childcare means you aren't a SAHM. Lots of people are still SAHMs with their children in some nursery sessions (especially post-3 due to finding) or school, surely?! As a few posters having pointed out, it's impossible to get certain tasks done with little ones around and even tasks that are do-able take 10 x longer. And you want to enjoy your time with them rather than trying to fit in endless chores. I'd rather have a couple of mornings a week when I know I can get all the non-toddler compatible boring jobs done and maybe even go wild and try to fit in a one hour yoga class, or something like that?! Is that really that crazy / indulgent a plan?! I can't believe women honestly think that other women who are looking after very young children FT should not be allowed any breaks ever, even if those breaks are just to do jobs / housework / have a shower!

And I have seen your explanation of swanning here and still think you should be careful with your language if you don't mean it in a derogatory way x