People that don't like people

[toopeopley]

AIBU to ask what that is about?

It's too peopley out there

Not going out because I don't like people

Various memes and quotes about not liking people.

What does this mean, why don't you like people?

Is there an element of actually wanting that connection with people but not knowing how to go about it so pushing it away?

I used to like people, but I generally don’t anymore. I have encountered more than my fair share of arseholes in my life and it has tainted my view of people generally. I have encountered some really wonderful people too, but in my experience, the good people are in the minority these days. I find people are not worth the hassle anymore because I don’t want to risk bringing more arseholes into my life.

@thepeopleversuswork I never claimed to be special, and that's not 'all' people are saying. As I clearly pointed out one poster said if you are personable and pleasant to be around you will get on better in your personal and professional life. That sounds an awful lot like saying if you've had some shit experiences with people it's your own fault.

@Pixies74

I am quite perceptive but also have high standards and am quite critical (also about myself though, it's not selective! ). People's flaws just seem to jump out at me.

And also, I'm an introvert so whilst I do need some socialisation, I also need alone time. (Also have an extrovert child who does not like alone time!).

Have you seen The Great?

There's a scene where Peter says "You are judgemental, though you tell yourself that you're perceptive of other's faults".

I'm the same, if it helps . My husband gave me a look during that speech...

All these people that “don’t like people”

I hope you don’t broadcast that kind of negativity to your children

@Deliaskis

But that's the point though....it's in no way an issue for anybody that some people are this way, that they prefer smaller groups and their own company (and I count myself in this group), it's meme-ing the sh!t out of it that makes it irritating. It's the divide between words and actions that grates for me. They say they don't like people, yet they seek approval and validation of this from the people they profess not to like, by posting on social media about it. People seem to do this completely unironically and it's baffling.

Exactly this. It's the wanting to have it both ways.

Like people or don't like people. No one really cares. But stop wanting validation for other people for not liking people.

@KurtWilde no one is blaming anyone. Just that people who get on well with others do better in life and that's not discrimination but how humans are.

[quote UrbanSpaceboy]@KurtWilde no one is blaming anyone. Just that people who get on well with others do better in life and that's not discrimination but how humans are.[/quote]
What. The. Fuck.

I think some people are just loners. I married one!

He has a small number of people he likes spending time with, but even then he has a limit. If he sees someone one day he wouldn't want to see them the next day (I'm the exception I guess, he has no choice)

He enjoys doing stuff on his own and doesn't like parties etc, I always knew he was that way inclined but he's definitely got more anti social with age and sometimes I find it really hard going.

Its phrases like ' so many people are loud snappy and hostile' that I think are sad, this is just a perception, the lens through which you view the world. All of us at some point in our lives have been hurt or let down by other people, it's not a reason to tar everyone with the same brush.

The miseries are viewed as a challenge

Ah you're one of those who feel it's OK to say to anyone lost in their own thoughts "cheer up it may never happen?

@KurtWilde

This is a digression but I'm genuinely bemused that you find @UrbanSpaceboy's comment shocking or offensive...

It's an evolutionary strategy for most animals that being able to rub along to some extent with the rest of the herd improves your chances of survival. Unless you are right at the top of the food chain and able to call all the shots, some ability to get along with other animals benefits you. Humans for the most part are social animals so its rational for this to apply to them too. I don't see that this is controversial or offensive really?

That doesn't mean that those animals who are less well adapted to this should be neglected or maltreated. But its a fairly straightforward equation -- if you live in a community of any kind then your ability to get along with the other members of that community will benefit you.

@TheAirbender

I have ADHD. People overwhelm me, even the ones I really like. I need a lot of time alone and time to decompress from any socialising.

Wow, that's me and I've always thought I have traits of ADHD or ADD without the H, anyway.

It never occurred to me that the two things might be connected.

@Whatayear81

All these people that “don’t like people”

I hope you don’t broadcast that kind of negativity to your children

It might be better to do so though. I now realise my DF has his shy side but I didn't know this growing up - he actually seemed quite talkative. It would have made more sense for me if I'd known.

Apart from family I have a tight bit circle of four friends. I don't like / want / need any more people in my life.

Small talk with with strangers just makes me want to run. Give me a random dog or horse any day instead.

I don't understand what's so shocking about what I said either. If you get on well with people life is smoother for you. This is uncontroversial surely?

@UrbanSpaceboy

I don't understand what's so shocking about what I said either. If you get on well with people life is smoother for you. This is uncontroversial surely?

I'd have said so.

I'm socially awkward, shy and an introvert, and I know that making an effort to get on with people not only makes life a little easier, it also makes it more pleasant. It's not airways easy, but it's worth it.

@thepeopleversuswork Honestly, this is a great example of what some people find exhausting.

I tailor my approach, I don’t tailor who I fundamentally am. Not sure if you’re too committed to dying on that hill to see the difference.

And having good manners is not about introversion or extroversion - it’s just about being able to function positively in society and not wanting to be a dick.

Anyway. You’ve made up your mind. I don’t really care. We’ll leave it at that.

I think this thread is a perfect example. People are hostile, people assume a whole bunch of crap about you based on one piece of information, people are defensive against things that no-one has even said, discussions that could be interesting are ruined by egos being hurt by perceived feelings..

If you don't like people do you do a job where you can actively avoid people?

Or are you in a position where you are required to interact, chair meetings and/or present to people? If so, how do you find that?

@toopeopley

If you don't like people do you do a job where you can actively avoid people?

Or are you in a position where you are required to interact, chair meetings and/or present to people? If so, how do you find that?

I do a job that used to involve a lot of phone answering (office admin) but use of the phone has reduced dramatically over the last few years and most things are now on email. I'm not important enough to chair meetings or give presentations... I think I'd probably love both of them, but would be too shy. I think there are many types of not liking people. You can be quite a misanthrope, but be OK in meetings.

Just because I'm introverted and don't really like spending time with people it doesn't mean that I'm rude, or don't get on with people, or don't have manners!

I have a job that involves interacting with people, though thanks to Covid I now get to do it remotely. I'm professional and, I believe, am well liked. I come across as friendly because I'm, contrary to the belief of multiple on here, not a dick just because I'm more comfortable alone.

@toopeopley

If you don't like people do you do a job where you can actively avoid people?

Or are you in a position where you are required to interact, chair meetings and/or present to people? If so, how do you find that?

My job involves loads of social interaction. I also chair meetings, am key note speaker, give lectures etc. I love all of that. I just don't really care about any of the people involved.

I don't actively dislike them or anything like that. They are just part of my job. I have a very close group of five friends and a few other "single" friends, my four siblings, my adult DC, my wonderful pets, and that's me sorted.

Oh, and I consistently get told how "approachable" people find me.

I doubt I am the only person who feels like I do and is just very good at hiding it.

Also can I ask what you do if you want to go to the theatre, holidays, meals, concerts etc? Do you do a lot of things on your own or with the close circle that you keep?

@toopeopley

If you don't like people do you do a job where you can actively avoid people?

Or are you in a position where you are required to interact, chair meetings and/or present to people? If so, how do you find that?

I've worked in many settings. I started off in hospitality, went into nursery work then I worked in a school and a youth centre.

As I said upthread (or did I delete that before posting ) you'd never guess I'm not a people person! I've been told I'm quite approachable and engaging, it's just I'd really rather not! My DC are well socialised, plenty of sleepovers with their friends, plenty of visits to big events and soft play and all the usual things.

For the last 7 years I've been a freelance writer and author, so my job is just me in my house with most interaction with clients and editor being via millions of emails and a few zooms and an occasional ftf meeting if required.

I'm not raking it in by any stretch of the imagination but I make enough to keep us going. Maybe when DC are all old enough to be more self sufficient I'll be able to put even more time into it and retire to be a hermit in a cottage in the woods