People that don't like people

[toopeopley]

AIBU to ask what that is about?

It's too peopley out there

Not going out because I don't like people

Various memes and quotes about not liking people.

What does this mean, why don't you like people?

Is there an element of actually wanting that connection with people but not knowing how to go about it so pushing it away?

[quote ABitOfAShitShow]@thepeopleversuswork Read your message back. Despite me saying exactly none of those things, you’ve taken the exact same tone you claim to hate - but in the opposite direction. Saying it’s not aimed at me ‘particularly’ still suggests I’m included in your target group.

I explained why I’m the way I am. I wasn’t nasty about anyone else in the process. I make no apologies for being myself, neurodivergence and all. Why should I tailor myself to be more palatable for people who are different to me?[/quote]
Oh give over. Everyone has to tailor themselves to be palatable for people who are different to them. That's the reality of life. If you didn't in some sense self-edit you'd have no filter at all and no sense of morality and you wouldn't be able to function.

Everyone, from the age when they are socialised, learn that there are some things you do in public and some you keep for your private world. This is learned as soon as people can speak: you learn to say please and thank you, you learn not to wee on the floor etc. Of course you tailor yourself, its basic survival. Introverts don't have a free pass on this.

I totally understand that there are people who find socialising in large groups for a long period of time difficult and I have no problem with this. And there are people, such as those who are neurodiverse or going through periods of depression and anxiety, who genuinely find this really difficult. And I have sympathy with that.

But this fetishization of "introvertism as a lifestyle" is getting boring. Someone up-thread actually talked apparently with a straight face about the "introvert revolution" as if this is some oppressed minority which needs a special characteristic.

I'm really very happy for people who don't enjoy socialising to suit themselves and I have no wish to drag people out who don't want to be out or force people to smile when they don't want to etc. But I'm really tired of reading threads and memes from people celebrating their lack of enthusiasm for the rest of the human race.

I can’t be bothered and find it all rather exhausting. I only socialise when forced to.

Someone up-thread actually talked apparently with a straight face about the "introvert revolution" as if this is some oppressed minority which needs a special characteristic.

Given the world - society - is actively built for extroverts, with extroverts as the norm (in much the same way much of medicine is based on the male body, not the female body) it is a sort of quiet revolution for introverts to be written about in books and acknowledged in general - to see introversion depicted as an alternative and valid and natural and socially positive way of being, to learn about themselves, and self-care, and to not be painted as socially inept weirdos, but as people with differing needs and many positive traits.

And it’s great being an optimist and not hating people on sight. I get animated and happy around people I’m fond of then when they leave.... I feel animated and happy because I’m alone

Me too, cannot imagine hating everyone on sight. I'm not an extrovert but do know and like lots of people. How miserable to just be friends with your DH and the dog...

I also think this style of living has come to light from working at home.

Yes some people don't want to go to the office due to the commute or other reasons, however, many many people don't seem to want to go back because other people are there and they don't like people, don't want to mix with them and would much much rather their own company every day at home.

@milkyaqua

Someone up-thread actually talked apparently with a straight face about the "introvert revolution" as if this is some oppressed minority which needs a special characteristic.

Given the world - society - is actively built for extroverts, with extroverts as the norm (in much the same way much of medicine is based on the male body, not the female body) it is a sort of quiet revolution for introverts to be written about in books and acknowledged in general - to see introversion depicted as an alternative and valid and natural and socially positive way of being, to learn about themselves, and self-care, and to not be painted as socially inept weirdos, but as people with differing needs and many positive traits.

Given the world - society - is actively built for extroverts, with extroverts as the norm (in much the same way much of medicine is based on the male body, not the female body) it is a sort of quiet revolution for introverts to be written about in books and acknowledged in general

Please. A large percentage of great literature was written by, about and for introverts: Just off the top of my head, most of the female characters in novels by the Brontes and Jane Austen were introverts.
Most of Margaret Atwood's characters are introverts. I could go on.

A huge amount of popular music takes the introvert's "lens". The entire Grunge movement is written from the introvert's perspective.

Art and literature have very often taken the introvert's perspective and society has benefited from it. The world has known introverts have "differing needs" for hundreds of years and its generally fine with that.

What some of us are irritated with is positing this as new or revolutionary or making you special. Just look at this thread.

"I don't like going out much, I prefer to stay in with my husband. I find it exhausting"
Hey, that's really deep. People who like people are like, so boring and shallow. Can we form a movement?"
Yawn.

At least Jane Eyre was interesting.

@Sheabutterisdelish

And it’s great being an optimist and not hating people on sight. I get animated and happy around people I’m fond of then when they leave.... I feel animated and happy because I’m alone

Me too, cannot imagine hating everyone on sight. I'm not an extrovert but do know and like lots of people. How miserable to just be friends with your DH and the dog...

I certainly don't hate people, but I dont really have any friends. Nor do I have a partner, but I most definitely am not miserable. I am the happiest I have ever been. Previous relationships absolutely broke me.

Please. A large percentage of great literature was written by, about and for introverts

Which I said above.

The modern world is still designed by and for the majority style - that of extroverts.

Do you think introverts designed open plan offices?

There are a whole slew of books actually on introversion:

"The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World" by Marti Olsen Laney

"Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking"
by Susan Cain

and so on.

Millyaqua, the world is designed for extroverts? what like everyone driving around in their own little metal box?

Most of us are a mix of introvert and extrovert, I know I am, over the years I have had to adapt to certain situations that I haven't always found comfortable, a bit like wearing a mask, I don't want to but I do. I certainly don't see myself as different or special, neither do I view humanity negatively

As with all things, there is a difference between simply feeling/being/needing something (and having a level of self awareness about that), and posting about it on social media as if it is a signifier of being special or interesting in some way (clearly lacking the self awareness to realise that it makes you look like a bit of a prick). The two combined are a rather bonkers contradiction.... look how I don't need others... yet please 'like' this for me for I rely on the validation of others. If anything shouts inauthentic, it's that.

@Momicrone

Millyaqua, the world is designed for extroverts? what like everyone driving around in their own little metal box?

Exactly. Everyone homes in on the open plan offices: its the Exhibit A of oppression for people who are outraged about having to wave, smile and chat to other people from time to time.

In fact the open plan office is a relatively new development: until the 60s or 70s executives had their own "introvert-friendly" offices (while the plebs in the typing pool had to rub up alongside other, gulp, people).

But I digress. In reality the whole world is designed for people who want to live in family-shaped boxes: cars, homes. Until very recently the world of work was designed for them too. If you want to find a group of people who really were excluded by the way the world was designed, try single people.

My other problem with this line of thought is that its so binary and simplistic, as if everyone can be put into a box marked "introvert" or "extrovert". In fact that vast majority of people are somewhere in the middle.

The world isn't "designed for extraverts". It's just that - newsflash - if you are personable and pleasant to be around you will get on better in your personal and professional life.

More pertinently, this entire notion that a person can "be" introverted or extraverted is flawed. It's junk science. It's barely even psychology at all. The Myers Briggs test or any variant gives you no more deeper or accurate reflection of yourself than a "does he fancy me" test in Jackie magazine circa 1985. Probably less accurate.

Incredible that people are creating an identity and even a rights movement for themselves based on nothing.

@UrbanSpaceboy

Incredible that people are creating an identity and even a rights movement for themselves based on nothing.

This. Also incredibly tedious.

[quote thepeopleversuswork]@UrbanSpaceboy

Incredible that people are creating an identity and even a rights movement for themselves based on nothing.

This. Also incredibly tedious.[/quote]
Isn't that the kind of opposite of introvert if people are doing that?

I have ADHD and am an introvert. Mixing with people , especially new ones, is absolutely exhausting.
I need down time on my own just to function at work.

But lots of people can be great... you can get lost in a crowd but a small gathering...not so much

I don't think I'm being special, provocative or anything like that in not being a people person. I am and always have been an introvert, I have ADHD and autism and I still bear the scars of repeated and prolonged bullying and unfair treatment due to my "differences". I was always pushed by my Mum, teachers, etc. to get on with other people as a child - my then-shyness and quietness just saw me as fair game and reinforced that any hostility shown towards me was always my fault. Figuring out group dynamics, communication nuances, etc. are things I still struggle with.

Now as an adult I really cannot be bothered most of the time. A little bit of social nicety/chit chat is OK when I'm out and about, but much more can be draining and exhausting. Plus so many people are so loud, snappy and hostile. My hypervigilance radar kicks in and I become even more burnt out in the process - I'm sure other people who have experienced trauma know what I mean here.

For people like me WFH and even things like online shopping are absolute godsends. I can still communicate with those I need to and even want to do so with, but I don't have to be always "on" as I would have to be in person.

It's just that - newsflash - if you are personable and pleasant to be around you will get on better in your personal and professional life.

Why are you assuming people who prefer not to be social butterflies AREN'T personable and pleasant? You'd never guess I'm not a fan of other people if you met me, I'm pleasant, smile a lot, listen, add to conversation etc.

And, I might add, many of us who now don't bother with people are like that because we were quiet at school and fair game for bullies, are you saying that was our own fault?

Many of us went on to be abused one way or another in our personal relationships. Are you saying if we'd just been more 'personable and pleasant' (once again don't know why you're assuming we aren't..) then we wouldn't have been abused?

If you'd said that on a relationship thread you'd be accused of victim blaming.

But it's ok on this thread eh because those of us who aren't particularly interested in putting ourselves out there must be somehow deficient.

You have any idea how long it's taken many of us to accept how we are, and realise we're better off not engaging much again as a form of self preservation.

Well said, @KurtWilde 👏

@KurtWilde

But people do understand this. Everyone is aware that some people struggle more than others with social interaction. No one is saying you are "deficient" for not putting yourselves out there. No one is having a go at you for being introvert or anxious.

We're just saying that people who don't enjoy "people" are not a special protected characteristic, you're not particularly distinguished or interesting because of this characteristic and we're a bit bored of hearing how unique and special you are.

But this thread is specifically asking about this. I havent seen anyone claiming to be special? Just explaining why they feel the way they do.
If you're bored of hearing about it, why did you come onto this thread?

Wow. Some of the responses on this thread are really making it easy to see why not everyone likes people.

But that's the point though....it's in no way an issue for anybody that some people are this way, that they prefer smaller groups and their own company (and I count myself in this group), it's meme-ing the sh!t out of it that makes it irritating. It's the divide between words and actions that grates for me. They say they don't like people, yet they seek approval and validation of this from the people they profess not to like, by posting on social media about it. People seem to do this completely unironically and it's baffling.