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Original poster

To not like nicknames for my baby already?

120 replies

ProbsBeingPrecious · 09/01/2022 19:58

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my first baby (it's a girl) and I've always had a bit of an issue with my dad being overly soppy. It's not just with me he's like it with but he's very in touch with his emotional side and constantly needing reassuring from my Mum that she loves him etc.

He genuinely treats me like I'm still 6 years old. For example, apparently I used to fall asleep from a baby till about 7 if someone tickled my head. I'm now 30 and my dad will text things like "when you coming home for some loving?" Not only does it sound fucking gross which automatically makes me cringe but it makes me less likely to go and see him. I'm really not an emotional person and I can't bare it.

He's clearly excited to be a Grandad and already making these stupid nicknames for her. He asked me if I'd thought of any names and I said no, not yet. He said "she'll be called Grace to me, because she's amazing" and it just wound me up. If I want her to be called Grace, I'll call her that. It's my dad all over making pet names up.

He supports a football team who play in red and he's started saying things like "look after little red" or "little red will like this" etc and in general now referring to her as "little red".

I went to pick a pushchair with my mum for the baby and he went absolutely mental because he wasn't there!

It's driving me mad but prepared to told I'm being precious Grin

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 09/01/2022 20:03

my dad will text things like "when you coming home for some loving?"

Lordy, how horrid.

I hope you message him back and tell him he sounds like an old perv.

Original poster
ProbsBeingPrecious · 09/01/2022 20:04

Exactly that, it's fucking grim but he just doesn't see how he comes across.

OP posts:
CarrieBlue · 09/01/2022 20:11

I’d have loved to have had a dad so excited about his grand child. Sadly my dad died six years before my eldest dc was born. Forgive him some over excitement.

UsernameInTheTown · 09/01/2022 20:12

God this is all so grim and cringe. No advice except move to another country, far far away?

Liverbird77 · 09/01/2022 20:14

I'd honestly give anything for my father to show any emotion or love. I suppose we both need a happy medium!

Original poster
ProbsBeingPrecious · 09/01/2022 20:22

He's just so emotional that it pushes me away. When we told DH's dad, he was thrilled and gave me a massive hug and said "congrats".

My dad was crying, sniffling, hugging etc. i just wish he could be normal about things and not so over the top.

OP posts:
Kona84 · 09/01/2022 20:23

I wish my family had this kind of emotional response.
My partners parents are like this and it’s lovely to see how much they love their grand daughter ( they have 10 other grand children but still make my daughter feel special)
On my side I visited my dad and he didn’t even want to have a hold of her.
I would let him have his excitement.
You could send a message back with a gentle nudge for him to read that back so he can see how it sounds.
But to be honest if you know he has no ill intentions- he’s never abused you, touched you inappropriately then I’m sure he is saying it innocently and you are putting Percy meaning where there is none.

Original poster
ProbsBeingPrecious · 09/01/2022 20:26

I wouldn't say I'm putting a pervy meaning on it... it genuinely reads like that but I know he doesn't mean it like that.

OP posts:
Babynames2 · 09/01/2022 20:27

i just wish he could be normal about things and not so over the top.

This is how I feel about my mum. She’s always been really overly emotional (cries at tv adverts regularly) and I just can’t deal with it. It’s too much. I don’t really have any advice on how to deal with it, just sympathy. My oldest is 4 and it hasn’t gotten any better yet.

AliveAndSleeping · 09/01/2022 20:33

My parents and my inlaws call DC affectionately all kinds of stuff. It doesn't bother me..I think it's sweet.

Your dad is just a soppy person. let him have his excitement and shed a few tears if that's what he's like..if he's otherwise a nice guy turn I'd just ignore it.

NewMessageFrom · 09/01/2022 20:35

@CarrieBlue

I’d have loved to have had a dad so excited about his grand child. Sadly my dad died six years before my eldest dc was born. Forgive him some over excitement.
I went to pick a pushchair with my mum for the baby and he went absolutely mental because he wasn't there!

This is not normal, and neither are the messages.

Think I'd rather not have a father at all than one like this

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/01/2022 20:36

Have you tried just saying to him - look Dad you and I are very different, can you cut down on the gushy stuff because I find it to much. Could your mum help?

Other than that limit your time with him, pull him up when he’s being really annoying, and don’t take any notice about him stropping about not coming on shopping trips.

Then try and appreciate him for his positive qualities / while holding your boundaries.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 09/01/2022 20:36

Just because other posters have emotionally stunted fathers or sadly passed on ones doesn't mean you should have to blindly accept behaviours which are at best smothering at worst fucking creepy.

NewMessageFrom · 09/01/2022 20:36

I cant help but think most of the replies missed this nugget

I went to pick a pushchair with my mum for the baby and he went absolutely mental because he wasn't there!

Blinkingheckythump · 09/01/2022 20:37

OK when are you coming home for some loving is an awful thing for him to say 🤮 but other than that you're just two very different people, nothing wrong with his way any more than yours

inheritancetrack · 09/01/2022 20:46

Maybe talk to him like an adult and explain you don't like this over emotional soppy behaviour?

SlashBeef · 09/01/2022 20:50

You don't have to accept bizarre behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable just because some people have lost a parent, OP. Don't allow posts like that to guilt you into thinking you do.

iheartredsquirrels · 09/01/2022 20:52

While it is sad that some posters on here would like the attention / to have their dad back it's totally irrelevant to your situation. Your df sounds over invested esp. with the pram situation. As for the coming home for loving...sorry that is erugh.

ThreeLittleDots · 09/01/2022 20:55

No, you're not being precious. I wouldn't be able to stand this emotionally incontinent neediness either.

It seems quite self-centred of him.

LocalHobo · 09/01/2022 20:59

He sounds like Bernie Focker (Dustin Hoffman) in Meet the Fockers!

TinaYouFatLard · 09/01/2022 21:00

Oh god, I would feel the same OP. People being this emotional make me clam up and go completely the other way. I think you need to pick him up on it every single time. Don’t feed the neediness, just ignore.

BHX3000 · 09/01/2022 21:02

It's going to be exhausting once the baby comes, isn't it? Do you see him often? Have you tried 'dad, please STOP, it makes me uncomfortable when you say XYZ'?

TinaYouFatLard · 09/01/2022 21:02

And this level of emotion tends to make the situation all about the emotional person rather than the subject of the feelings iyswim. It’s not nice and loving, it’s selfish and narcissistic.

Original poster
ProbsBeingPrecious · 09/01/2022 21:08

This is what I'm worried about when the baby comes - that it's going to be even worse and because he is so emotional, he'll be easily upset like the pushchair incident.

For background re that story - my parents kindly offered £800 towards a new pushchair/travel system. I accepted and sent them a few pics of ones I liked. The particular one I liked had sold out as it had £700 off. I'm a clueless first time mum, so decided to go looking in pushchair shops for advice. I took my mum along and by chance, the original travel system was in this independent shop! With £600 off! So I purchased it.

My mum went home, told my dad that we'd purchased the pram and he went ape shit and didn't speak to my mum all night. He said "your mum KNEW I wanted to be there".

I'm sick and tired of worrying if I'm going to upset someone because they're emotional and over being!

OP posts:
Original poster
ProbsBeingPrecious · 09/01/2022 21:09

@TinaYouFatLard that's exactly how I am too - "clam up" is a perfect description 😂

OP posts:
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