I am unreasonable

[Holly524]

Hello, really need some advice please... I am married with 2 children age 6 and 7.
My Mum has offered to pay for all the family to go to Spain this summer this will include us, grandparents, my brother his wife and their son. I really want to go but my husband is dead against it and has today said he won't go. He has said he hasn't got enough holiday days as he is prioritising football trips with his friends over a holiday with my family.
Am I wrong to go without him? I really would like to go and my children I know will love it. Please any advice as I am in 2 minds as to whether its unfair to leave him and go with the kids. Thanks

@Holly524

Thank you all for your comments. I'm sorry I should have been clearer in my OP. We have 2 holidays booked for the 4 of us, he said his priority after that is football trips. Anyway I have told him I will be going with the kids without him... he hasn't spoken to me for 2 days!

He’s a spiteful, controlling nob

A holiday with the in-laws would not be my greatest idea of fun, I shan't lie. If he doesn't want to go for similar reasons that might not be ideal, but fair enough. Where things do get unreasonable is that he also wants to stop you from going, and has retreated into a childish, passive-aggressive sulk when you didn't capitulate to his whim. Prioritising watching other blokes kick a bag of air around over time with his family is also quite revealing of his character.

By no means should you allow his refusal to speak to you to manipulate you into giving way. If he gets time out on his terms, then so do you. Let the childish git sulk: he will just have to get happy again.

@Luredbyapomegranate

Of course it isn’t!

He’s prioritising football trips, and you are prioritising a holiday with the kids.

They'll remember.

@devildeepbluesea

WTF? Why are you even asking this question? He apparently has no qualms about fucking off to god knows where with his footie mates.

Again I ask: why do so many women settle for such low standards in their partners?

I agree, it's quite sad really.

Definitely go without him we once had a family holiday like that I hadn't realised my darling step mum was terminally ill a d she had arranged a family holiday so we would all be together one last time. It was wonderful looking back. Don't miss out

Your hubby sounds like quite thr peach... go and enjoy yourself and leave that sour old kipper at home

@Spitspotsput

So you should miss out on a nice holiday because he wants to go to footy? That would be silly.

This ^ with bells on.

Just read that he's not spoken to you for two days. WTAF? I can't believe he's happy to prioritise football yet seems to think you can't have a holiday with your family, which is paid for by your family.

What a twat.

Anyway I have told him I will be going with the kids without him... he hasn't spoken to me for 2 days!

Ah we get to the crux. He’s a controlling cunt. He won’t go and doesn’t want you to go either… on a holiday bought and paid for by your family.

So he’d rather you and his children miss out because he wants to prioritise his football trips away. Selfish.

go, it will be lovely for you to spend time with your DM. hes going without you to the football holidays so why not.

What a dog in the manger! Why is he not speaking to you? Because he's a controlling tosser? He's allowed to go off and do football trips, you're not allowed to spend 5 nights surrounded by family? How is that fair?? In what other ways does he control you?

Absolutely go!

I thought he was really in the wrong at first as I didn’t realise you had two holidays as a family until your update.

Having read that I think it’s ok he has his own trips as well, and presumably you can choose to use your own leave either for this trip with your mum and the kids, or to have your own solo trips? Or both if funds and annual leave allow!

But why the fuck isn’t he speaking to you? That’s really controlling and out of order!

Oh, look. Another double standard having selfish bastard penis holder who deserves to be drop kicked head first into a giant blender.

That being said, I am sure someone will be along shortly (maybe even OP) to inform me that he is obviously "great in so many other ways", blah blah fricking blah, like they always are and I am the one being unreasonable and unfair to this paragon of virtue.

Yes. The op will come back and say “he’s a really good dad and loves his kids”

Well obviously not that much if he’s sulking over the fact his kids Are going to go on holiday but he won’t

Go.
Have a brilliant time with all the family.
When the kids grow up and look back, they will realise their fathers priorities and their relationship will reflect that going forward.
His loss.

Fuck him and his selfish attitude. Totally fine for him not to want to go and great you have other family holidays booked. For him to naff off on football trips with mates but begrudge you and the DC an extended family trip is utterly selfish.

Is he controlling in other aspects of life?

What exactly does he want you to do while he's off watching footy? Gaze longingly out of the window missing him terribly until he returns, then you can serve him a hot meal and a pint while the kids run up and throw themselves into his arms chanting "Daddy's home, Daddy's home!"

Fuck that!! Can't stand sulking knobends. A grown bloody man having a strop because it's alright for him to go off and do what he wants but not you? How dare he! Don't you give in OP!

He has an issue with my Mum, nothing has ever happened between them and she has never been anything but nice to him. Think its because we are very close so she has a really good relationship with my children. His Mum doesn't have the same and I'm not sure if he is jealous. Everytime its something to do with my family, whether its birthdays or days out he hates going and it isn't out the norm that he gives me the silent treatment.
I have never had any issue with him going away on trips with his football and stag partys.. thanks for all your comments anyway this is the first time I have ever posted on a group like this. x

My dh is really good with my sometimes quite difficult dm.
But if he behaved like your dh near her I'd be furious.
Why do you put up with it?

He's giving you the silent treatment? But he does not want to go. What is he giving you the silent treatment for? He has been invited, he chooses not to go, what's his problem?
If anybody in this situation could complain, it would be you - he's refusing to spend time with your family even when all expenses are paid. Not saying he must come on that holiday, I don't go with Dh every time he sees PILs. But he certainly has nothing to whine about.

You are aware that ‘the silent treatment’ is abusive to you? Do you speak about it at all?

Always be wary of a man who wants to drive a wedge between you and someone who you are close to and who loves and supports you. Normally when they want rid of that person it doesn't end well for you.