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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am unreasonable

148 replies

Holly524 · 09/01/2022 18:14

Hello, really need some advice please... I am married with 2 children age 6 and 7.
My Mum has offered to pay for all the family to go to Spain this summer this will include us, grandparents, my brother his wife and their son. I really want to go but my husband is dead against it and has today said he won't go. He has said he hasn't got enough holiday days as he is prioritising football trips with his friends over a holiday with my family.
Am I wrong to go without him? I really would like to go and my children I know will love it. Please any advice as I am in 2 minds as to whether its unfair to leave him and go with the kids. Thanks

OP posts:
Lalliella · 09/01/2022 19:40

Go go go!

Prescottdanni123 · 09/01/2022 19:50

Go. Your kids will remember a family holiday like that for the rest of their lives.

If your husband wants to prioritise football trips over holiday that is his decision but there is no reason why your children should miss out on these types of experiences.

Dimondsareforever · 09/01/2022 20:00

Absolutely go. I assume he goes without you and the children in his football trips? So why feel guilty? He can’t really stop you as he does his thing!

Twice I have taken DC in a holiday without DH. Once because he didn’t have the days (I had more that year due to a roll over) and once because after we booked (but before he formally requested) his employer booked something that they all had to attend. We missed dh very much. But still had a super time.

SquirrelG · 09/01/2022 21:00

Of course it's not unfair! He was given the option to go and has said he doesn't want to - end of the matter. Go and enjoy your holiday OP.

Original poster
Holly524 · 11/01/2022 12:48

Thank you all for your comments. I'm sorry I should have been clearer in my OP. We have 2 holidays booked for the 4 of us, he said his priority after that is football trips. Anyway I have told him I will be going with the kids without him... he hasn't spoken to me for 2 days!

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 11/01/2022 12:51

Anyway I have told him I will be going with the kids without him... he hasn't spoken to me for 2 days
Now that is nasty and emotionally abusive
What would happen if you don’t speak to him about his football trips?

RocketAndAFuckingMelon · 11/01/2022 12:59

Why isn't he speaking to you? He doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to go, everyone's a winner. Would he rather you all sat in the house watching the antiques roadshow while he's off at his football trips? Confused

I've had a few holidays with DD but not DP, partly because DP doesn't have the same holiday allowance as I do, but also because DP can't stand "joint" holidays with other families e.g. group camping or holiday camps whereas DD and I love it. We have our "family" holiday and then I also take DD off camping or something in addition.

TopCatsTopHat · 11/01/2022 13:23

@Holly524

Thank you all for your comments. I'm sorry I should have been clearer in my OP. We have 2 holidays booked for the 4 of us, he said his priority after that is football trips. Anyway I have told him I will be going with the kids without him... he hasn't spoken to me for 2 days!
Weird...what's his issue!? His wife and children go and have a nice time with family - for free. Or is the fact he'll have to get his own meals and do his own laundry for 5 days too much of a price to pay! Quite the hypocrite isn't he - or are you all going on the football trips together? I now understand why you were wanting to sense check the dilemma - he's a selfish twonk and you knew he'd be triggered.
Angrybird123 · 11/01/2022 13:29

seriously?? What on earth is the problem? If you had limited holiday and this would mean you couldn't all go together somewhere as a family then I might get his upset but that isnt the case. Do please ask him what the issue is -- I'd love to hear his reasoning. If it really as that hell be all alone for 5 days that's pathetic. Or does he think you will enjoy being alone with the kids when he is off on his football jollies?

EerieSilence · 11/01/2022 13:52

Your DH is a twat. Why is he so dead set against you going on holidays while he has no problems gallivanting around, getting drunk on warm bear while watching football?
He needs to get over himself.
Enjoy your holidays.

Owlink · 11/01/2022 13:53

Of course you should go!!!!

AryaStarkWolf · 11/01/2022 13:55

Why would that BU? You gave him the option to come and he said no

CheshireChat · 11/01/2022 13:56

So he's allowed to go somewhere to have fun, but you and the kids aren't.

Were you worried about his reaction by any chance?

AryaStarkWolf · 11/01/2022 13:56

@Holly524

Thank you all for your comments. I'm sorry I should have been clearer in my OP. We have 2 holidays booked for the 4 of us, he said his priority after that is football trips. Anyway I have told him I will be going with the kids without him... he hasn't spoken to me for 2 days!
wtf? Why should you NOT go, he could come if he wanted to. Is he planning on bringing you and the kids along to the football trips or leaving you at home? I would like to hear his reasoning for being upset?
IncompleteSenten · 11/01/2022 13:58

So him going away alone is fine but you taking the kids away is not?

Has he explained why that is?

thepeopleversuswork · 11/01/2022 14:20

I would go and LTB while you're at it.

EmmasMum12 · 11/01/2022 14:29

You're not going on the football trips

Hes not going on the Spain trip

Seems fair

EmmasMum12 · 11/01/2022 14:30

The fact that hes ignoring you is emotionally abusive

The fact that you knew he'd be funny about the Spain trip means you know you're being abused

Don't allow your children to witness this abuse and grow up with it in their lives

PearlD · 11/01/2022 14:32

There would not be a question in my mind as to whether I should go with the kids, whether I'd want him there when I got back is another question. Have a brilliant time!

3mealsaday · 11/01/2022 14:43

YWBU not to go. Don't deprive your DC of this treat... they will have such a good time.

Why is it any of your DH's business anyway if it doesn't affect him (because you're not expecting him to come? Ignore his sulking.

quitefranklyabsurd · 11/01/2022 14:44

Go. Also why on Earth is he prioritising his leave to use it with friends and not family?

Lollypop701 · 11/01/2022 14:49

So he can use annual leave AND family money on football trips whilst you stay home with kids… and you can’t take kids on freebie holiday with family? He needs to explain because I’d be telling him to sod off

Mayhemmumma · 11/01/2022 14:52

Why hasn't he spoken to you? What an arse, it's not like you and the kids can go with him and his friends to the football, why would he want you to miss out? Urgh how selfish.

I hope you go and have a lovely time and he doesn't spoil it for you

itsgoodtobehome · 11/01/2022 14:53

Why wouldn't you go? I quite often go on holiday with my DC and my parents, as DH doesn't have as much holiday as I do and also he can't cope with my folks for more than about 2 days!! It's all fine and we still have our own family holidays together.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 11/01/2022 14:54

What’s the choice between?

A free family holiday to Spain where grandparents will be around to babysit for the odd night vs sitting in alone while your husband goes to the football?

You really think there’s even a question of being unreasonable here?