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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend's partner being ridiculous about her name

118 replies

TheUnexpectedPickle · 09/01/2022 15:10

I'll preface this by acknowledging that its not really my business, but it really has annoyed me on friends behalf. Plus I'm home alone with covid so probably thinking too much...

Friend has unisex name which to me is about used about 50/50 as a boy/girl name. She met her partner 9 months ago. Somehow it only recently came up in conversation that her name is a shortened version of an obviously feminine name. Presumably because she hasn't used this name for about 20 years.

He bow keeps calling her by her "real" name. At first he said he prefers it, but when pushed he admitted that he was worried about mentioning her by name to other people in case they think he is in a relationship with a man!!

She has asked him to stop calling her by the name as she hates it- and to be fair he has. But he has asked her if he can continue to refer to her by her full name to other people to prevent "confusion"

AIBU to think he is being utterly ridiculous?

(I know I'm not being U, I just want to share my outrage really)

OP posts:
KiloWhat · 09/01/2022 15:11

Yeah he's being silly

wizzywig · 09/01/2022 15:12

So like jo/ Joanne and joe/ Joseph

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 09/01/2022 15:12

You know we will need to know what the name is

MrsSquirrel · 09/01/2022 15:13

He is being silly and also homophobic.

MoiraNotRuby · 09/01/2022 15:13

I'm thinking Chris and Christina, the partner sounds like a homophobic walker tbh...

MoiraNotRuby · 09/01/2022 15:14

Wanker - not walker- sorry to any ramblers.

usernameshistory · 09/01/2022 15:14

He sounds like a dick.

JustLyra · 09/01/2022 15:14

He’s being a prick.

If she really hates it then there is probably a reason for it (for example there’s a really obvious nickname associated with my name, but I don’t use it as someone who did something very awful to me was the only person that regularly called me that).

I’d actually consider ending a relationship over thay - he’s ridiculously immature. Plus there’s a dozen ways round it if he’s that worry “Alex, my girlfriend” or “yes Alex says xxxx, she’s into that kind of music/politics etc” if he feels the need to emphasis that his partner has a vagina.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 09/01/2022 15:15

LOL this happened to my dp with my aunt and uncle. He thought my uncle was gay and my aunt Alex was a man for the longest time. He saw a picture of them on holidays in my nanas and I said oh that's DU and Alex and he looked confused for a second then did a loud ohhhhhhh and then had to explain his confusion to everyone there. Surely if he introduces her as my girlfriend Alex there's no confusion?

Poptart4 · 09/01/2022 15:15

To avoid confusion he could just say "my 'girlfriends' name is XYZ" then people would know he's talking about a women.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 09/01/2022 15:15

'alexANDRA my girlfriend'

He does sound like a bit of a prissy fuddy-duddy, worried that people will think he's swinging from the chandeliers with an Alexander. His choice though I suppose, as long as he refers to her directly by her preferred name.

Toolatebaby · 09/01/2022 15:15

What an arse he sounds

Tal45 · 09/01/2022 15:16

Wow, if he's really that worried about people thinking he's gay why not just preface it with 'my girlfriend'.

Paddingtonthebear · 09/01/2022 15:19

It’s not your business no, but you are not unreasonable as he is being a bit ridiculous. I just realised I know a lot of women with “male” names - Alex, Sam, Danni, Jo, Nicky, Jamie, Charlie and a Vic!

honeylulu · 09/01/2022 15:20

Is it Alex? If so I agree it's completely unisex.

But he's a silly pillock if what he's fretting about is that people might think he has a male partner. He sounds terribly insecure. Surely anyone whose opinion matters will know he is not gay if that's his fear. If he's talking to anyone else surely he'd refer to my girlfriend Alex/she/her rather than the more ambiguous "my partner Alex/ they/ their"!!!

I use a shortened version of my name. I don't hate my name but it sounds overly formal and I ask people not to use it. I would be annoyed if my request was ignored as my mother often does.

OnlyAFleshWound · 09/01/2022 15:21

@mumsiedarlingrevolta

You know we will need to know what the name is
You really don't in this case.

There are loads of possibilities (Charlotte/Charlie, Samantha/Sam, alexandra/Alex, Danielle/Dani) and it doesn't change the situation at all.

Original poster
TheUnexpectedPickle · 09/01/2022 15:21

Thing is, he is generally absolutely lovely, so the thinly veiled homophobia is a bit out of left field.

Her name is Charlie (Charlotte)

OP posts:
Theblacksheepandme · 09/01/2022 15:22

He really sounds very unpleasant. So what if people thought he was gay. Did your friend discuss how she felt about him doing this? Does she see it as homophobic?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2022 15:22

Is it Sam/ Samantha?

Alex/ Alexandra?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2022 15:23

Oh drat another ex post!

SleepingStandingUp · 09/01/2022 15:23

Well most of the people he'd talk to about her would presumably know he normally dates women, unless he's bi. If his ex's are Tiffany, Bianca and Sharon, I wouldn't assume Chris is a bloke.

So I'd be wondering why he thinks people will thin he's gay and what he's repressing.

ChargingBuck · 09/01/2022 15:24

Is your friend happy to be dating a homophobe?

Bigots are usually bigoted in more than one area - she'll get on the wrong end of his ignorance soon enough. He sounds like a tiresome prick, & she can have my first LTB-by-proxy.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2022 15:24

I don’t think that’s a 50:50 one to be fair, it’s much more commonly a boys’/ men’s name than girls’/women’s

However it’s still not for him to change her name for her!

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 09/01/2022 15:24

I don't actually know any female Charlies but I still think it's weird that he started going out with a woman called Charlie but then went into great aunt mode and insisting on her formal name.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/01/2022 15:24

Why does he care if people think he’s dating a bloke?