Anyone join me in being really angry theyre a single parent?

[coodawoodashooda]

Today I have been in such a bad mood and that's why. I can't shake it off. Bastard and his meagre child maintenance that wouldn't even buy a bloody pair of shoes. All the friendships that I have lost. I am so lonely, fed up, skint and angry. Anyone else?

I'm not a single parent but I was raised by one and had a crappy dad who moved on to a second family. Bought a two bed home despite having three children and a pregnant girlfriend so overnights/weekends were not often had. My mum was lucky to get a few hours off on a Saturday.

For those who feel bad that the kids see dad as the best thing on earth while they are the ones who are doing the hard work, I promise it won't be like that forever. Your children will grow up and recognise who was there for them, who worked hard for them and who loved them every single day.

@Yants

I see so many women falling for what are obviously 'bad boys' and are then left shocked and confused when they turn out to be less than perfect fathers and partners.

Women really have to start taking responsibility for their own poor judgment in getting together and breeding with these feckless, irresponsible wasters in the first place.

My ex wasn't a bad boy- he was possibly the most boring straight laced man alive. Maybe men should take responsibility for the children THEY have.

There is a poverty trap associated with being a single mum - working part time in NMW jobs topped up by benefits because it looks like the most financial viable option at the time (due to the benefit top ups). What happens when the kids grow up and the benefits stop though? Single, middle / old aged woman with a low paid job, no savings, no pension, living in a rented bed sit or shared house?

Again, you’re assuming being NMW applies to a majority. I am not sure it does. There are also some people who will always be on NMW, for a wide variety of reasons. Plenty of people end up with an impoverished old age again for who knows how many reasons. Or are you suggesting people on NMW shouldn’t be having children?

I would agree that as a society, however, we need to look specifically at what support we can provide single mothers to be able to better themselves - paid for college courses/uni fees/round the clock childcare/guaranteed support from the state to chase down child maintenance/more flexibility in the workplace with legal backing as a starting point. Possibly more individualised support, depending on career routes and aspirations.

Or are you suggesting people on NMW shouldn’t be having children?

Where on earth did you get that from? Your extrapolation from what I actually said is nonsense. It's up to every individual to decide whether they want children or not but they then need to take the rough with the smooth. By rough, I mean a long term financial hit that not everyone can afford.

Right, I'm going to leave you all to hope that by the time you wake up in the morning, all single mothers will have been promoted to the upper echelons of society in recognition of all the good work they do. Thanks to you lot pontificating on mumsnet. If you wish hard enough, you'll also find a unicorn hiding behind your bins.

I'm with you OP.

My H in the midst of an affair said "family life is not for me".

I can remember saying back ( sarcastically) - "well, do you know what...family life isn't for me either...so what shall we do....I know let's sell our three under 5's".

Feckless!
Away he went...leaving me to get on with it.

@AshLane

I'm with you OP.

My H in the midst of an affair said "family life is not for me".

I can remember saying back ( sarcastically) - "well, do you know what...family life isn't for me either...so what shall we do....I know let's sell our three under 5's".

Feckless!
Away he went...leaving me to get on with it.

My grandma said exactly the same about my father. And she was right. But I she say there’s no get out of jail free card for mother’s

My grandma said exactly the same about my father. And she was right. But I she say there’s no get out of jail free card for mother’s

My mother left us. She wasn’t alone, She wasn’t the first. Nor was she the last, and she left us to an abusive father, who abused because his second wife told him to. Assuming women don’t abandon their kids is wrong, they do, I’m living proof they do,

This is unlikely to make anyone feel better, but there’s a reason society hates single mothers so much. It’s because they’re the ultimate threat to a patriarchal society. This article explains it well.

www.independent.co.uk/voices/single-mothers-parents-research-gingerbread-child-poverty-scapegoating-tories-government-a8221211.html

‘Financial instability and economic exploitation remain ways of reining in the independence of single mothers and their children. If single parent families were allowed to prosper, patriarchy – in its most essential meaning, a father-led society – would well and truly crumble.’

@AshLane

I'm with you OP.

My H in the midst of an affair said "family life is not for me".

I can remember saying back ( sarcastically) - "well, do you know what...family life isn't for me either...so what shall we do....I know let's sell our three under 5's".

Feckless!
Away he went...leaving me to get on with it.

My ex said he needed to find someone else, have a child and get it right this time.

because we weren't good enough you see, not perfect, not what he expected life to be like, so he had to try again a do over, my fiancee and son are not the way I fantasied so I need a new fiancee and son.

and then when they are are not how he imagined life to be I can only assume, do it again.

he hasnt yet tho, I dont think anyone will have him I think his crazy is too obvious.

@Chasingaftermidnight

This is unlikely to make anyone feel better, but there’s a reason society hates single mothers so much. It’s because they’re the ultimate threat to a patriarchal society. This article explains it well.

www.independent.co.uk/voices/single-mothers-parents-research-gingerbread-child-poverty-scapegoating-tories-government-a8221211.html

‘Financial instability and economic exploitation remain ways of reining in the independence of single mothers and their children. If single parent families were allowed to prosper, patriarchy – in its most essential meaning, a father-led society – would well and truly crumble.’

Yeah, becayse women never abandon their kids,

Oops, nope, wrong. So so wrong,

90% of single parents are women, Bluntness100 what exactly is your point?

Yeah, becayse women never abandon their kids,

No one’s said that. They’ve said 90% of single parents are women. That’s the vast majority.

@VelvetChairGirl

90% of single parents are women, Bluntness100 what exactly is your point?

My point is women do abandon their kids and they abandon them to abusive men, I know as a society, we don’t like it, we don’t want to accept it, acknowledge it,,but my reality is they do, it doesnt matter if it’s predominantly men v women, gender is irrelevant, sometimes a female parent abandons their child to an abusive male parent. There is no gender stereo types, it doesn’t matter if it’s ninety percent male versus female. Both genders do it.

An uncomfortable truth, but a truth none the less,

For gods sake bluntness this isn’t the thread for your oh so smart analysis it’s a thread for us who are struggling to vent and gain support from each other without judgement

You don’t want to support then kindly go off and join another thread and let’s us vent and be supportive to one another. It’s very much needed

Your negative opinion isn’t needed, wanted and certainly not warranted

@Chasingaftermidnight

This is unlikely to make anyone feel better, but there’s a reason society hates single mothers so much. It’s because they’re the ultimate threat to a patriarchal society. This article explains it well.

www.independent.co.uk/voices/single-mothers-parents-research-gingerbread-child-poverty-scapegoating-tories-government-a8221211.html

‘Financial instability and economic exploitation remain ways of reining in the independence of single mothers and their children. If single parent families were allowed to prosper, patriarchy – in its most essential meaning, a father-led society – would well and truly crumble.’

This is such a good article and I couldn't agree more. The question is how to we force through legislative change to make it different?

@OhWhyNot

For gods sake bluntness this isn’t the thread for your oh so smart analysis it’s a thread for us who are struggling to vent and gain support from each other without judgement

You don’t want to support then kindly go off and join another thread and let’s us vent and be supportive to one another. It’s very much needed

Your negative opinion isn’t needed, wanted and certainly not warranted

Oh grow up,. I’m cringing for you, and your lack of Ability to see past your

I have been angry over the years but I am managing to let it go. It's the fact that he's super wealthy that really got me. There were times that were terrible as I had nothing and we were homeless at one point. I can remember crying because I needed to work to get money but was stuck in hospital with DD. I won't lie it's been extremely tough and unfair doesn't cover it. But...we are happy, the kids are sort of ok. Our life isn't perfect but it's vibrant. So this weekend DD went out out with her bff (friends since 3months old!). Way too much alcohol was consumed, falling down and vomiting ensued. It was carnage DP myself and my DD's made a great team looking after bff. I suddenly felt sorry for my ex as he's missing out on the whirlwind that is the teenage years. Though I am very grateful to not have my ex's ranting. My ex can always make a bad situation worse! DP picked up drunk girls @ 1.30 am without a murmur. DD's are NC with the ex despite the huge financial incentives for them.

Its really interesting about single mothers threatening the patriarchy.

I noticed when I dated men kept telling me how solvent they were, how they didn't mind 'taking on my kids', how they could (financially) improve my life. When I pointed out I probably earned more than them, wasn't looking for someone to take my kids on and or anyone to financially improve my life....I was just looking to date, it made them really angry.

On the flip side, some men clearly thought I must be skint and looking for a man to pay for everything for me and my kids. They also got angry when they realised I had a very good job, own home etc. It was all really odd.

@Bluntness100 honestly, I am cringing for you. What you have done is the equivilent to going on a thread about someone struggling with money and said 'well you did make poor choices.....couldn't you have just picked a better career?'

Its so completely tone deaf, it's actually quite shocking.

Is it cheating to count the 3 boxes and 1 bag for life of stuff that ExH removed, as today's haul? 🤔

@AlDanvers,,god I’m so embarrassed for you, actually cringing inside out,

My lack of ability

Cringe away …

ThackeryBinks that you were homeless and he is wealthy is nothing short of criminal. I hear this so often someone who has money can pay someone to hide money. I’m glad you have found happiness.

@Bluntness100 it sounds very painful. I’m sorry that happened to you. I had an abusive parent and a largely absent one too so I understand.

However I can’t help but feel that you’re trying to deflect from the judgmental posts of earlier in this thread. We know women do it too but not as often as men. You certainly didn’t mention this as being an issue in your initial Women See The Red Flags And Ignore Them Just To Keep A Man flavoured assertions. Moreover you seem utterly enraged at being challenged…

This was a thread to discuss the day to day challenges of being a single parent with little or no input from the other parent not one where we discuss silly women who bring it themselves. You’ve been told repeatedly what was offensive about your comments yet still you continue to demand they’re accepted as reasonable and in keeping with this particular discussion.

I’ve reported your post directed at @AlDanvers and I think you really should try to consider how you’re behaving yourself on this thread instead of insisting that everyone on it accept your comments without challenge.

*My point is women do abandon their kids and they abandon them to abusive men, I know as a society, we don’t like it, we don’t want to accept it, acknowledge it,,but my reality is they do, it doesnt matter if it’s predominantly men v women, gender is irrelevant, sometimes a female parent abandons their child to an abusive male parent. There is no gender stereo types, it doesn’t matter if it’s ninety percent male versus female. Both genders do it.

An uncomfortable truth, but a truth none the less*

90%, ninety get some perspective

It's why I stayed with a husband who didn't make me very happy, but was a good father and worked hard for his family. It's also why I shake my head a little at the ease with which LtB is said here. It's not easy being a single parent and there isn't always a lovely perfect partner waiting round the corner for you. Things improved for me and I'm sad for the single parents who had no choice but to go it alone and are finding it difficult. Sometimes it can be out of the frying pan into the fire. I'm not of course suggesting anyone stay with an abusive or violent partner before I'm jumped on