I absolutely hate weekends.

[Whyamipayingfornetflix]

Does anyone else? I’m guessing probably not!
Not getting on well with dp, want to possibly leave but it’s very complicated and won’t be easy at all.
During the week it’s just Dd and I and I’m fairly happy, only have to be around Dp for around an hour until Dd goes to bed etc (we alternate each night who goes with her)
But when weekends come around the tension comes back and I start to feel down again and not myself.
Does anyone else have it? Feel like I’m
just trying to get through the days and realise this isn’t healthy or normal and just very sad.
He’s taken her to the playground for a few hours, had to pick something up this morning…so hopefully there isn’t too much time together when they’re back and it’s DD’s bedtime.
Tomorrow I plan to take her on a play date with friends and do the weekly shop (would normally do on a weekday) then will take her somewhere else to stretch the day out.
Does anyone else live like this?
Feel so low and so sad for Dd

@wizzywig What’s nesting?

Just had a horrible day, knew I should’ve done my own thing with Dd, everything was bound to come out as it was simmering below the surface.
Ok at first, not happy but ok, took Dd to the beach, for a scooter, then were due to head to the playground and home.
I was driving today and he put the playground into Google maps (new playground we’d not been to) he went to put it on the stand thingy in the car, I nicely asked if he could hold the phone and direct me as I find it hard to concentrate on looking at the phone at the same time as driving. He did *That face, he’d already done it at the beach when he huffed and puffed to get up and follow Dd when she ran off at the beach. It’s a sort of unspoken thing he does as to why he should get up and not relax, I hate it.
I asked him calmly what the problem was, I wish I hadn’t, I asked him if it’s so difficult to just be kind and help me and say the directions. It all exploded and was awful, he said how he’d get a lawyer and take Dd off me if I tried to keep her away from him for one day. I was saying how I’ve never said that and wouldn’t do that. He called me mentally ill, said I had a cold heart towards him and how he didn’t like me anymore and just wishes I was the way I used to be, I said I felt the same about him.
He was calmer towards the end but said he never thought I’d be like this and I’ve ruined the family etc, I said I just wanted to be happy. I tried to say about his moods and aggression and how they make me down and not wanting to engage in family life, he said he’s like that because of me…we were just going around in circles.
I said I don’t want someone who hates me but just stays for the sake of their child and not wanting to be away from her, he said he doesn’t hate me but doesn’t like me and can I blame him etc? It was basically him saying everything I did wrong and I couldn’t get my say as usual.
It ended with him calmer and saying he’s done with me and that we’ll both move back to the U.K. so I can stay at my parents and he’ll only get to see his child at the weekends.
Now lay in bed crying, we’ve said we’ll split before and it doesn’t happen, what’s the answer here. Just feel so very very sad, don’t want it to end, just wish we had what we had. before Dd but with Dd now.

I just saw that your DH is a UK citizen also. Was DD UK born? Does she have dual citizenship if she was born where you live? That may change the complexity of the legalities if he is not a citizen of the country of residence. You really, really need to see a lawyer there and also seek legal advice of a UK solicitor. Just be sure you find one with experience in international custody cases. If you are residing in a Hague country a lot can hinge on whether or not your DD has acquired 'habitual residence' in that country. And what constitutes habitual residence can vary from country to country. Please google 'Hague Convention ' and read up on it.

Listen, if you and he keep 'having it out' on the weekends eventually he may very well just walk out on you and possibly take DD with him. After all, you would if you could. You need to stop lallygagging and get educated. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but since he seems as unhappy as you, you have the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head.

His words about not liking me just keep ringing in my ears

@AcrossthePond55 He’s decided we’ll go back to the U.K. but split, that’s how it ended. During the argument I asked calmly if he’d really try to take her off me and if he thinks that would be the best for *Her also how he’d look after her alone when working all the time (plus I know he’d really struggle) he knows that wouldn’t be for the best

We’re both from the U.K., Dd born where we are but British on certificate
We are both resident where we are but not full citizens yet

I don’t understand where it will go from here, he doesn’t listen to me and thinks it’s all me to blame and that I’m splitting to a family, he was saying how it could be so so good and we could have such a good life together-I know! But that’s partly him too 🤷🏻‍♀️

*Splitting up a family

I said how could we carry on like this and I just wanted to be happy, he said I was selfish. I don’t understand what he wants?

@Hankunamatata Fortunately I have lots of qualifications but more suited to the U.K. 😢

I’m actually getting paranoid as to the acceptance of what will happen from him.
If we did what he said, I’d move to my parents which is 6 hours away from where he would move back to, yet he said he’d see her on the weekends.
I feel so insecure after the nasty lawyer comment, I can’t actually believe he said it

I think we were asked at the hospital after her birth if we wanted her birth certificate issued from the country she was born, I *Think as a citizen here, I said no and she’s declared as British on it

I'm sorry OP, that all sounds really awful for you

It's okay to feel terrible for a while but the silver lining is that he's agreed to move back to the UK, which is good news for you

Try to focus on the practicalities and not trying to figure out why he is saying all these things. You will never understand where he's coming from or why he's being horrible.

@dreamingbohemian Thanks, I know, just feel so sad that it’s come to this and so wish it could just work. We have such a beautiful lifestyle, so great for Dd, everything else is almost perfect..aside from us

No, I make plans and go out and have fun. Can't you do that, to avoid your DP?

@Thadhiya I try, but obviously some things should be as a family, just feels so weird always doing things separately with Dd

@Whyamipayingfornetflix

So, he's agreed to go back to the UK? That's great! Given this, do you think you'd like to try to work it out once you get 'home' or are you certain that you are 'done'.

If you are 100% sure you are 'done' or if you feel you'd like to try to work things out, get your ducks in a row as far as where you want to live and then 'thoughtfully' suggest to him that you think it's a good idea if you and DD go a week or two ahead to 'set up the new home'. If he agrees, you go there. It will be up to him to then decide what he wants to do and where he wants to 'land'. I know it sounds sneaky, but needs must when the devil drives. And you want to be on your own 'home turf' until the dust settles.

When my (abusive) exH's and my time abroad was winding down, he wanted us to move near his parents when we left. I would have rather chewed glass than live near his folks, although I was too young and stupid to leave him at that point. So I 'thoughtfully' suggested I go home a bit earlier to get 'things set up'. I immediately called my parents who said 'come on home!'. By the time he got his discharge I had a flat and a job in my hometown and had found him a nearby Uni to enroll in. It was easier for him at that point to just 'slide into' the life I'd created. And thankfully, when I came to my senses and booted him out, I was already on my 'home turf' surrounded by supportive family and friends. Luckily, we had no children.

To answer the question yes I did move back to the UK with DD. It was the negotiation of my life though. He hasn't seen her since she was two, she's is twelve now.
No maintenance nothing but it's better than him being in our lives. He's a card carrying narcissistic.

If you think you could co-parent well and negotiate this then start having those conversations. Maybe that means you moving back now, applying for jobs etc then he comes back.

@AcrossthePond55 I really don’t know, he’s sort of acting as though nothing has happened/it wasn’t said

@jeaux90 So glad you were able to move on

[quote Whyamipayingfornetflix]@AcrossthePond55 I really don’t know, he’s sort of acting as though nothing has happened/it wasn’t said[/quote]
Ah. Well then, I'm assuming it was said in the 'heat of the moment' and he has no intention of carrying through with going 'home'. Is he enjoying life where you are? Like friends, hobbies, etc? Is he 'settled'? Because if he is, he may see no reason to go back to the UK. Especially since he's in the catbird seat.

Which country are you in that won't let you leave? Do you have UK passport for you and DC?

@caringcarer

Which country are you in that won't let you leave? Do you have UK passport for you and DC?

It's not that the country will not let her leave, per se. It's whether or not she can legally take her child with her if her DP doesn't agree to it. Many countries' legal systems will not allow one parent to relocate a child unless the other parent agrees, regardless of the child's citizenship status if the child has been determined to be 'habitually resident' in that country.

OP has been advised to seek legal advice to clarify her particular situation.