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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I absolutely hate weekends.

145 replies

Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 14:55

Does anyone else? I’m guessing probably not!
Not getting on well with dp, want to possibly leave but it’s very complicated and won’t be easy at all.
During the week it’s just Dd and I and I’m fairly happy, only have to be around Dp for around an hour until Dd goes to bed etc (we alternate each night who goes with her)
But when weekends come around the tension comes back and I start to feel down again and not myself.
Does anyone else have it? Feel like I’m
just trying to get through the days and realise this isn’t healthy or normal and just very sad.
He’s taken her to the playground for a few hours, had to pick something up this morning…so hopefully there isn’t too much time together when they’re back and it’s DD’s bedtime.
Tomorrow I plan to take her on a play date with friends and do the weekly shop (would normally do on a weekday) then will take her somewhere else to stretch the day out.
Does anyone else live like this?
Feel so low and so sad for Dd

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 15:33

@Paddingtonthebear I think I will suggest counselling as a last resort

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 15:34

@PinkWaferBiscuit British people/international people I know have returned to their home countries.
It’s v hard to find work that would pay enough for me not to struggle

OP posts:
DickMabutt73962 · 08/01/2022 15:35

The question isn't whether anyone else hates weekends, it's whether anyone else hates spending long periods of time with a partner that they are having problems with. Sounds awful

Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 15:39

@DickMabutt73962 It is

OP posts:
scooterbear · 08/01/2022 15:40

I dd for about four months whilst we were sorting out the practicalities of splitting up. It was awful and very hard work. You have my sympathies

Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 15:41

@scooterbear How did you get through it?

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 08/01/2022 15:41

OP could you work remotely at a U.K. job instead?

TatianaBis · 08/01/2022 15:42

If you’re not actually married, can he stop you from returning to the U.K. with DD?

DrSbaitso · 08/01/2022 15:44

It's not weekends you're dreading.

You can't end weekends...

Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 15:44

@TatianaBis I’m not sure what work I could do that could bring in enough money?
It could be illegal for me to leave

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 08/01/2022 15:46

I guess you need to clarify whether it could be or is.

Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 15:48

@TatianaBis From what I’m been researching, it looks like I’d need his permission sadly

OP posts:
PinkWaferBiscuit · 08/01/2022 15:51

You definitely need to clarify the situation on leaving the counrty if that's a route you would potentially take.

However, you also need to try and find a plan for leaving and staying in the same country. This might be a remote job, looking at work or support for single parents etc and potential accommodation for you and your daughter.

It might feel impossible and daunting but the bottom line is you honestly can't spend the rest of your life living like this. What happens when your daughter has grown and leaves home, do you just resign yourself to being unhappy forever?

Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 15:52

*I’ve been researching

OP posts:
Deafdonkey · 08/01/2022 15:55

It does annoy me all the people that say it is easy. There are loads of situations where it isn't, or where leaving will cause greater harm to the child, at least in the short to medium term.
That's not to say don't leave him, just start planning, looking at possibilities, saving money. Could you get a weekend job (from your post he appears to be a good father so I assume he would parent her if your were working)

AcrossthePond55 · 08/01/2022 15:55

Do you think your DP has any idea of how you're feeling? Do you think he's feeling the same? Unless you're in an abusive situation, counseling can be a really good thing. But you have to approach it open to any outcome. It may very well be that he wants out as much as you do, since it doesn't appear that he's much bothered by the lack of time you spend together. In which case you're going to need to be prepared to support yourself, which may be complicated unless you have permission to work in that country (or are a dual citizen).

Since you refer to him as 'DP' rather than 'DH' I assume you aren't married. I suggest you get legal advice right away as to the laws of the country you're living in when it comes to non-married couples and/or how child residence, access, and maintenance 'work'. You can't go under the assumption that the laws there are the same as your home country or what may have happened with others. Having a child (especially if that child has 'residence' where you're living) can really impact your ability to take your child 'home', up to and including not being able to remove the child at all.

I also suggest that you see an immigration specialist to see how your own residence in the country may be affected if you separate.

Magnited · 08/01/2022 16:01

We hear the effect, but are you able to expand on the cause OP?

Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 16:19

@Magnited What causes all this?

OP posts:
GullyGawk · 08/01/2022 16:19

What part of the world are you in op, I’m sure someone here could help you more.

dreamingbohemian · 08/01/2022 16:20

This is not healthy or good for any of you. I think it would help if you made the decision to leave and moved on to trying to figure out how to do that, even if it's going to take quite a long time to actually do it.

First it's true that you can't come back without his permission but are you certain he would not give it?

Second, if you can tell us where you are, some people might have relevant advice for your country. Don't assume there is no help or you would be destitute, it might not be as bad as you think. And DP would have to help support you.

Third, what kind of work experience do you have? Perhaps we can help with ideas to work remotely.

Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 16:29

I’m a little worried to give too many details away, I’m in Southern Europe

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 16:33

I couldn’t take her away from him as she’d be heartbroken as would he, it wouldn’t be in her best interests, I just want to be happy though.
I’ve thought about suggesting we all move back

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyamipayingfornetflix · 08/01/2022 16:34

My qualifications and experience are in education, teaching, anything childcare based

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 08/01/2022 16:38

It's him you dislike not weekends. Get a weekend job and save some so you have a fund to leave your boyfriend.

Carrotca · 08/01/2022 16:40

Wow sorry op, I just wanted to send hugs and your first post is exactly how I'm feeling now. I have two children and feel very stuck and unhappy. Hope you get sorted. You deserve to be happy x