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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There’s always one - parent WhatsApp group

177 replies

CoronaKidd · 08/01/2022 10:38

I’m a long-term parent as I have older kids but this is my first time on a parent WhatsApp group (for my youngest).

In general it is fine but now the preschool has corona and one member of the group is being ridiculously unreasonable. Basically it seems she’s unhappy with the nursery but comes across to me as being so entitled and ungrateful. She seems to be very unhappy that her DC may have now been exposed at nursery - which is utterly ridiculous given it is absolutely rife in our area and really beyond anyone’s control.

I know I just need to ignore the negativity but, I’m really having to bite my tongue. I’ve tried a few diplomatic replies but she’s not getting it.

I’m tempted to report the comments back to the preschool but would that just be causing more trouble?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 08/01/2022 11:55

When it comes to these parents WhatsApp groups, the best advice I can give you is that if you disagree with someone just say nothing...it's really not worth the fallout

3scape · 08/01/2022 11:56

Surely the group is for sharing facts, not opinions. I'd ignore any comments that were like that. Or say something like "this is an information only group, any suggestions complaints etc should go through the appropriate channels at nursery".

Onelifeonly · 08/01/2022 11:56

Sorry missed it was a staff member. It's highly contagious and anyone, staff or child, could contract it any day. If she can't handle it, she doesn't need to send her child in. Nursery is not statutory. (Though what is she worried about - kids are unlikely to be very ill, and presumably she is up to date with her jabs?)

Mrsjayy · 08/01/2022 11:56

I would have hated WhatsApp groups when mine were that age best we got is a class list with names for birthday parties!

3scape · 08/01/2022 11:57

Thankfully if there are any for my youngest then I'm clearly not invited! It just seems more trouble than actually useful.

LaBellina · 08/01/2022 11:59

She sounds ridiculous but might have other issues going on or have huge anxiety. Unless she’s kicking up a fuss at the nursery and being a menace towards the staff, leave her alone and just ignore, she’s entitled to her views and opinions which are influenced by her personal circumstances which you very likely don’t know all about. Reporting her makes you look childish, as much as I agree it’s ridiculous you’re not the thought police.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 08/01/2022 12:00

I go with sympathetic whilst making a point about it not being the nursery staff’s fault plus a practical suggestion that puts the responsibility back on her.

Eg

“It’s a nightmare isn’t it? And it’s everywhere! And with kids often being asymptomatic it is impossible to stop a spread in nursery. We have agreed with my parents not to see them until cases go down. It’s such a shame as they love seeing little Jonny but I can’t put them at risk.”

Or

“It’s a nightmare isn’t it? And it’s everywhere! And with kids often being asymptomatic it is impossible to stop a spread in nursery. It is my gran’s 100th birthday at the end of Jan so we’ve decided to take Fred out of nursery for the week before to try and cut the risk down but still see her on The Day. Working is going to be fun that week! And lots of LFTs - oh joy!”

AlistairCamel · 08/01/2022 12:01

We’ve had people report things to the school from the WhatsApp group which I find bizarre! We are all adults. I don’t agree with what everyone says but reporting their opinions to the school is ridiculous. We are all adults.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 08/01/2022 12:01

@llansanan

Ask her if she voted Tory? The incompetence of the government may have contributed to the level in your area.
I didn't realise the tories governed the entire world. Cause y'know, it is a worldwide pandemic.
Sn0tnose · 08/01/2022 12:02

I’ve tried a few diplomatic replies but she’s not getting it

What’s the point? You’re never going to convince her or bring her round to your viewpoint. All you’re doing is frustrating yourself and making it awkward for everyone else. Just ignore her.

And please don’t tell the nursery staff what she’s been saying. You’re not six and they’ve got enough to deal with.

maddy68 · 08/01/2022 12:02

I would just say.
My new year resolution is to spend less time on whats app groups you all have my number should anything important occur. But you will be muting/deleting the group

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 08/01/2022 12:03

My parents WhatsApp group is run by the childminder. The only reason I am in it is to see photos shared of my son and see parking issues shared (there are often roadworks) I have accidentally started one minor row on there but that about checking kids were in on one Monday which local schools had as an inset day. I backed off once I had thr answer and they sort of piled on the cm a bit which was not my intention at all. Now I don't comment because I don't want to do that again haha.

But anyway my point is if anyone says anything a bit bitchy on there, I just ignore it. I have about 68 unread messages on there at the moment, I will never read these! You don't have to respond.

elbea · 08/01/2022 12:03

What are the nursery going to do? Tell her off a grown woman for being upset her children have been exposed.

LadyPropane · 08/01/2022 12:05

Can't you just ignore her ridiculous messages?

I mute WhatsApp groups and dip in to check on things when it suits me.

StellaGibson118 · 08/01/2022 12:07

@3scape

Surely the group is for sharing facts, not opinions. I'd ignore any comments that were like that. Or say something like "this is an information only group, any suggestions complaints etc should go through the appropriate channels at nursery".
Why do you get to decide what the group is for? If I read this message I'd find it very odd.
PrivateHall · 08/01/2022 12:09

In situations like this, I usually just reply something along the lines of 'It is such a worrying time for everyone with vulnerable relatives, covid is everywhere now. Hopefully the staff member is ok'.

I definitely wouldn't report it on, not much point causing more upset for the staff.

Omicrone · 08/01/2022 12:09

Someone in the 'Mums' WhatsApp group
im in for my sons year group reported people who were slagging off the school in the group and several of them got a bollocking from the school via email. Everyone was suspicious about who the 'grass' was and smaller WhatsApp groups were then made, with careful vetting Grin

Nanny0gg · 08/01/2022 12:10

@llansanan

Ask her if she voted Tory? The incompetence of the government may have contributed to the level in your area.
FFS
ponkydonkey · 08/01/2022 12:10

If you block her in your contacts you'll never see any messages from her 😀

That's what I did after our batshit parent had a huge sweary row with one of the reps

I was very entertaining

Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 12:11

@Comedycook

When it comes to these parents WhatsApp groups, the best advice I can give you is that if you disagree with someone just say nothing...it's really not worth the fallout
The best advice is to mute them!
Metabigot · 08/01/2022 12:14

There's always one... sounds like it might be you OP!

dangerrabbit · 08/01/2022 12:14

Just mute and archive the group 🤷‍♀️

CaveWoman1 · 08/01/2022 12:18

Seriously you’re over-invested. Ignore

TonkinLenkicks · 08/01/2022 12:18

I had this when DS started school. I was getting 80+ messages a DAY on the whasapp group. I left the group and haven’t looked back Grin I think the breaking point for me was when during the second lockdown they all started boasting about the projects they were doing with their little —shits— cherubs. I had a new born and an active year R DS, I was barely surviving and felt shit because of all these ‘super mums’. I Strangely felt much better when I wasn’t hearing about a 3D replica of a fucking space station Grin

Equimum · 08/01/2022 12:22

I would just ignore it. As you say, there is always one, and I have found that WhatsApp makes it easier for them to be more vocal! Just let it go.

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