Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Responding to a breakup text? 🙄

103 replies

SCismybestieX · 07/01/2022 19:08

Hey ladies

Was seeing a guy since November - the last date we went on I found out ALOT about more him (last week). It was also my first time at his flat. I knew he was ‘seperated’ but nil discussions about divorce, (not divorced but seperated is not the red flag BTW) He told me he still sees his ‘ex’ every 2 days and cares for her deeply, got her a Christmas present. I was like OK 😂 He also told me he does not speak to his ‘exes’ family after calling both the Mum and Dad ‘C*nts’ (Cannot remember the context). He then lets slip he used Cocaine and in my probing admitted he used it in the past six months. Cocaine is not my scene at all - no judgement to anyone who uses it but I could loose my job if I got involved with this sort of thing.

I felt a bit uncomfortable with some of these revelations so I wanted to leave and I kissed him goodnight on the cheek with the intention of probably not seeing him again. It was at this point the tone totally changed.

He said ‘ I thought you would be staying here tonight I thought you would be a right dirty bitch’, said with a sneer ‘ What are you the kind of woman who needs breakfast in the morning or something’. I knew I could be in danger with how his manner totally changed so let him down gently and said ‘I am sorry, I just do not become intimitate with Men I am not in a relationship with’, to which his reply was ‘I could shag you right now if I wanted to’.

I have very good communication skills, and was able to de-escalate the situation and nope outta there.

I blocked and deleted him and ghosted him on Iphone.

And I thought that would be the end of it. I turned on my Mac and realised the block does to go over all devices.

He sent me a bizarre message yesterday (a week after I have not spoken to him/seen him)

‘I am sorry, I cannot do this anymore. It is nothing to do with you and I enjoyed our time together’.

Now AIBU to think that this is utterly bizarre and delusional?!
I was just getting to know him and I get the most bizarre breakup text from a guy I was not in a relationship with?!
And from my perpective there was no ‘do this anymore’ as there was nothing to not do?

At this point I am thinking he is mentally unstable and I have dodged a bullet. Managed to get my tech savvy sister to block on all platforms.

Has anyone ever heard of similar things?

OP posts:
LemonPeonies · 07/01/2022 19:16

Lucky escape! I've dodged a few bullets myself, like in the talking stage arranging to meet up and if I didn't respond quickly enough said "I get the feeling you're just sat there chatting to other guys". So what if I was?! Ya not my bf! Blocked 😂

Doingtheboxerbeat · 07/01/2022 19:27

I bet you are kicking yourself with regret 😲, omg you are so lucky to get out of there unscathed.

Yummypumpkin · 07/01/2022 19:29

It sounds like his ego couldn't cope with anything being your decision, not his.

Possibly he's also thinking that should you report for sexual harassment, he'll claim it is in revenge fir him dumping you. The penny dropped slowly.

ipodtherforipoor · 07/01/2022 19:31

He's sent that to cover his arse in case you go to the police about his threat to you. That looks like he was letting you down gently and any comeback from you is vexatious. Lucky swerve.

errnerrcallnernnernnern · 07/01/2022 19:34

What a creepy dickhead. Whatever you do, don’t respond, he wants a reaction.

He knows he’s been dumped and is trying get you to engage, even if it’s all negative.

Gargellen · 07/01/2022 19:37

He waited to see if you would apologise and when you didn't he gave himself an ego boost and dumped you even thought you had already dumped him.

He's sounds dangerous and it might be worth looking into who he actually is. I bet this isn't the first time he has threatened sexual assault.

Palavah · 07/01/2022 19:38

Tempting as it may be to give him a piece of your mind, DO NOT engage. Block and forget.

TellMeItsPossible · 07/01/2022 19:40

What a hideous individual. Good you found out his true character so early on and ended it immediately.

sammylady37 · 07/01/2022 19:40

I would think it’s a reference to him being suicidal and a blatant attempt to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him/guilty for blocking him etc. Obviously you’ve nothing to feel sorry/guilty about and he is not your responsibility.

Bullet dodged. Move on without looking back.

Eileen101 · 07/01/2022 19:43

Sounds like a lucky escape to me....

TolkiensFallow · 07/01/2022 19:43

Eurgh. What a lucky escape.

Covidfallout2 · 07/01/2022 19:44

Those guys are the worst. Just ignore. I went on 3 dates with someone and in the last date it wouldn’t of quelled further. Got the vibes he felt the same. We bickered. Said at the bed of the date nice to know you take care and good luck in the future.

No coms after. 2 weeks later got a text saying our relationship should end unless I wanted to work on our differences. Hmm no

SlashBeef · 07/01/2022 19:49

Omg thank god you got out of there that night! He sounds completely deranged and potentially very dangerous.

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 07/01/2022 19:54

He sounds awful, and blocking him everywhere is the right thing to do.

Not sure if he's trying to make it sound like he broke up with you, or he just wants to have the last word.

I have found quite a few men want to have the last word as they can't take rejection at all.

I would just completely ignore that message, continue blocking and breathe a sigh of relief- it might have been the coke use that made him turn like that, I was on a date with someone once I was sure was using coke (blind date) and he turned at the end of the night when I declined his kind offer of a shag...

grumpygiraffe · 07/01/2022 19:58

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?

inheritancetrack · 07/01/2022 20:00

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?
They are if they come across as a sexual predator!
Tillymintpolo · 07/01/2022 20:03

Just ignore

Darbs76 · 07/01/2022 20:03

Sounds like a suicidal intention to me. I personally would ignore it as he sounds like a dangerous individual what he said to you

Darbs76 · 07/01/2022 20:04

@grumpygiraffe - clearly the good communication skills are in relation to getting out of his flat safely. That situation could have escalated quickly

Rainbowqueeen · 07/01/2022 20:06

He wants to be able to say he dumped you. It’s a ego thing
Total creep

RoarySaury · 07/01/2022 20:07

At this point I am thinking he is mentally unstable and I have dodged a bullet.

Or he's just a fucking wanker and you dodged a bullet, perhaps?

Just ignore it.

errnerrcallnernnernnern · 07/01/2022 20:07

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?
Yes because what’s most important here is letting the creepy pervert down gently 🙄
Mummabug18 · 07/01/2022 20:08

The wording means 1 of 3 things to me...
1 - He was "breaking up" with you to make it seem like you weren't the one that cut it off (be it to you, to friends or to himself it doesn't actually matter) DO NOT RESPOND!
2 - Fake "suicide msg" intended to see if he can reel you back. Potentially dangerous. DO NOT RESPOND!
3 - Genuine suicide msg. NOT your fault if he wants to end his life. DO NOT RESPOND!

I would, however, contact the police and let them know what he said to you about not needing consent. You never know if he is known to them and that information may, seriously, save a life! I would also consider telling them what he has said in his message and ask them to do a welfare check at his flat.

SueblueNZ · 07/01/2022 20:09

@grumpygiraffe
Under these circumstances, hell yes!!

Waspsarearseholes · 07/01/2022 20:10

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?
It gets the message across without any ambiguity, doesn't it? I'd say that's pretty good. Especially when someone suggested they could rape you if they wanted to. Should OP have just been 'kind'?