Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Responding to a breakup text? 🙄

103 replies

SCismybestieX · 07/01/2022 19:08

Hey ladies

Was seeing a guy since November - the last date we went on I found out ALOT about more him (last week). It was also my first time at his flat. I knew he was ‘seperated’ but nil discussions about divorce, (not divorced but seperated is not the red flag BTW) He told me he still sees his ‘ex’ every 2 days and cares for her deeply, got her a Christmas present. I was like OK 😂 He also told me he does not speak to his ‘exes’ family after calling both the Mum and Dad ‘C*nts’ (Cannot remember the context). He then lets slip he used Cocaine and in my probing admitted he used it in the past six months. Cocaine is not my scene at all - no judgement to anyone who uses it but I could loose my job if I got involved with this sort of thing.

I felt a bit uncomfortable with some of these revelations so I wanted to leave and I kissed him goodnight on the cheek with the intention of probably not seeing him again. It was at this point the tone totally changed.

He said ‘ I thought you would be staying here tonight I thought you would be a right dirty bitch’, said with a sneer ‘ What are you the kind of woman who needs breakfast in the morning or something’. I knew I could be in danger with how his manner totally changed so let him down gently and said ‘I am sorry, I just do not become intimitate with Men I am not in a relationship with’, to which his reply was ‘I could shag you right now if I wanted to’.

I have very good communication skills, and was able to de-escalate the situation and nope outta there.

I blocked and deleted him and ghosted him on Iphone.

And I thought that would be the end of it. I turned on my Mac and realised the block does to go over all devices.

He sent me a bizarre message yesterday (a week after I have not spoken to him/seen him)

‘I am sorry, I cannot do this anymore. It is nothing to do with you and I enjoyed our time together’.

Now AIBU to think that this is utterly bizarre and delusional?!
I was just getting to know him and I get the most bizarre breakup text from a guy I was not in a relationship with?!
And from my perpective there was no ‘do this anymore’ as there was nothing to not do?

At this point I am thinking he is mentally unstable and I have dodged a bullet. Managed to get my tech savvy sister to block on all platforms.

Has anyone ever heard of similar things?

OP posts:
rocky1914 · 07/01/2022 21:40

Sorry OP, I stopped reading after this:

He said ‘ I thought you would be staying here tonight I thought you would be a right dirty bitch’, said with a sneer ‘ What are you the kind of woman who needs breakfast in the morning or something’. I knew I could be in danger with how his manner totally changed so let him down gently and said ‘I am sorry, I just do not become intimitate with Men I am not in a relationship with’, to which his reply was ‘I could shag you right now if I wanted to’.

He is a piece of shit and a potential rapist.

Please stay far away from this man. Far, far away. Block him on everything. If he persists in terms of attempting to contact you, report him for harassment. Thank God you never became intimate with him, you did the right thing there, well done.

Otherwise, end this right now. He is disgusting.

Best of luck OP. You deserve better.

rocky1914 · 07/01/2022 21:42

Just read the rest of your post. He is 100% without a shadow of a doubt mentally unstable.

Stay far, far away. Please. For your own mental and physical health.

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 21:50

My instinct is that he is mad that I went cold even for a day. (The audiacity of a woman to change her mind 😂) and he dialled up attempts at communication - until his grand finale breakup text. Bear in mind his weird text on Monday which I did not reply to either. It was as equally weird and vague.

It is entirely bizarre - we had not spoken and we barely knew each other. ‘I cannot do this anymore’ - do what?! There was nothing at all happening?

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 22:01

The scariest thing about this story is that up until this point he was a complete gentleman. I can assure you. He did not lay a finger on me once - he had not even kissed me. He was very convincing.

I even said to my friend I was unsure if he was attracted to me as he never even held my hand?

With a drink in him and on his own property my God did it change - I could never have predicted it. I was still shaken up at work last week.

I have been on dates with chancers before trying to get their leg over but never been left shaken up like this.

Cocomarine · 07/01/2022 22:04

@Darbs76

Sounds like a suicidal intention to me. I personally would ignore it as he sounds like a dangerous individual what he said to you
No it doesn’t!
jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 07/01/2022 22:06

@SCismybestieX

please report to the police.

someone else may not be so lucky.

Colleen92 · 07/01/2022 22:14

You totally did the right thing, just ignore.
I wouldn't be surprised if the ex is the one that got rid of his greasy creepy ass, would explain his wanting to give her presents, meet up often and 'caring deeply'. Ick.

StellaGibson118 · 07/01/2022 22:15

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?
Really?????
SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 22:17

@Colleen92

You totally did the right thing, just ignore. I wouldn't be surprised if the ex is the one that got rid of his greasy creepy ass, would explain his wanting to give her presents, meet up often and 'caring deeply'. Ick.
Would also explain his irrational hatred towards woman and need to control romantic encounters. And his unpresidented response at a strangers percieved rejection.
Looubylou · 07/01/2022 22:17

I would speak to the police, just incase he does intend to be "seeing you again". They may have previous complaints about him.

StellaGibson118 · 07/01/2022 22:17

Please report him for threatening to rape you. At the very least it will be on file if he has anything else on his record from previous marriage or whatever then itll add up against him and if anyone else becomes a victim it will help them too.

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 22:19

Do you know he said something REALLY weird and its only now in hindsight I realise it was telling.

He stays a few roads up from me in the same neighbourhood and he said

‘I would not even want to walk my Dog near your flat incase you thought I was stalking you’. I was like - but we stay near each other so it would not be that weird.

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 22:21

Ladies I am getting scared now. I live alone on the ground floor of a flat. You are all right I should tell police.

Interrobanger · 07/01/2022 22:26

“He told me he still sees his ‘ex’ every 2 days and cares for her deeply, got her a Christmas present”

Sounds like he’s stalking his ex. And him mentioning stalking you is a massive red flag that it’s been on his mind.

DreamingofTimbuktu · 07/01/2022 22:36

If you are feeling threatened -You’ve said you have an iPhone- do you know how to use the emergency alarm/ call 999 feature? Might help you sleep better

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 22:39

I really doubt he would do anything more to be honest.

oklets · 07/01/2022 22:42

I agree with others - I think you need to report this. Obviously (by design I imagine) it's all a bit ambiguous so they can't do anything but so that they have it on record. In case he suddenly regularly appears at your window innocently 'walking his dog'. He probably won't, but I'd report to be on the safe side. What was the message on Monday?

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 07/01/2022 22:44

@SCismybestie

I really doubt he would do anything more to be honest.
yea because he's been the soul of equanimity up to now..

log it with the police. better to feel daft that regret.

You may feel reassured if nothing else.

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 07/01/2022 22:44

*than not that

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 22:46

@oklets

I agree with others - I think you need to report this. Obviously (by design I imagine) it's all a bit ambiguous so they can't do anything but so that they have it on record. In case he suddenly regularly appears at your window innocently 'walking his dog'. He probably won't, but I'd report to be on the safe side. What was the message on Monday?
It just said ‘I have had a couple of days to myself in the new year, using them wisely before returning to work on Wednesday’. 🙄

So weird

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 07/01/2022 22:49

@SCismybestieX

there was a thread a while ago about a woman who had a female friend who wanted to suddenly move into hers despite having so much equity in her house. when OP refused, the weird friend texted her, bad mouthed her online, waited for her to get off her commute train by parking opp train station. OP thought nothing more would happen

She went into her kitchen one day to finf the weirdo at her back door rummaging in her handbag. she fled. OP then reported to police who advised more locks but importantly logged the harrassment.

Please report him......

oklets · 07/01/2022 23:18

Did you post about this guy previously? That last text sounds really familiar.

StellaGibson118 · 08/01/2022 12:24

OP, if you report to the police you might be able to use Clare's Law. Though you're not together anymore they are likely to be able to disclose previous DV due to the risk.

Hotyogahotchoc · 08/01/2022 12:35

OP it took me a moment to find your posts due to the NC

Out if interest what did you say in order to get out?

He sounds odd but I imagine he's all talk. Report him if you would feel better. It sounds like he threatened you.

Why do you say he "stays" near where you "stay"? Do you mean where you live or is it uni accommodation or something like that?

I would say ignore him and block

Muthalucka · 08/01/2022 12:41

Unsettling. Lucky escape