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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Responding to a breakup text? 🙄

103 replies

SCismybestieX · 07/01/2022 19:08

Hey ladies

Was seeing a guy since November - the last date we went on I found out ALOT about more him (last week). It was also my first time at his flat. I knew he was ‘seperated’ but nil discussions about divorce, (not divorced but seperated is not the red flag BTW) He told me he still sees his ‘ex’ every 2 days and cares for her deeply, got her a Christmas present. I was like OK 😂 He also told me he does not speak to his ‘exes’ family after calling both the Mum and Dad ‘C*nts’ (Cannot remember the context). He then lets slip he used Cocaine and in my probing admitted he used it in the past six months. Cocaine is not my scene at all - no judgement to anyone who uses it but I could loose my job if I got involved with this sort of thing.

I felt a bit uncomfortable with some of these revelations so I wanted to leave and I kissed him goodnight on the cheek with the intention of probably not seeing him again. It was at this point the tone totally changed.

He said ‘ I thought you would be staying here tonight I thought you would be a right dirty bitch’, said with a sneer ‘ What are you the kind of woman who needs breakfast in the morning or something’. I knew I could be in danger with how his manner totally changed so let him down gently and said ‘I am sorry, I just do not become intimitate with Men I am not in a relationship with’, to which his reply was ‘I could shag you right now if I wanted to’.

I have very good communication skills, and was able to de-escalate the situation and nope outta there.

I blocked and deleted him and ghosted him on Iphone.

And I thought that would be the end of it. I turned on my Mac and realised the block does to go over all devices.

He sent me a bizarre message yesterday (a week after I have not spoken to him/seen him)

‘I am sorry, I cannot do this anymore. It is nothing to do with you and I enjoyed our time together’.

Now AIBU to think that this is utterly bizarre and delusional?!
I was just getting to know him and I get the most bizarre breakup text from a guy I was not in a relationship with?!
And from my perpective there was no ‘do this anymore’ as there was nothing to not do?

At this point I am thinking he is mentally unstable and I have dodged a bullet. Managed to get my tech savvy sister to block on all platforms.

Has anyone ever heard of similar things?

OP posts:
100problems · 07/01/2022 20:14

I would not give this one more nano second's headspace.

Whatever he means in the message, not your problem.

Interrobanger · 07/01/2022 20:15

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?
What’s the appropriate way to communicate with someone who calls you a dirty bitch and implies they want to rape you?

Give him another chance? Maybe he’s depressed/stressed with work/scared of the strength of his feelings/not good with rejection/on the autistic spectrum/blah blah blah…?

Fuck all that noise. He’s a creep and a predator. The only thing to do is block him everywhere and never ever ever speak to him again.

PointyMcguire · 07/01/2022 20:17

@ipodtherforipoor

He's sent that to cover his arse in case you go to the police about his threat to you. That looks like he was letting you down gently and any comeback from you is vexatious. Lucky swerve.
This is what I assumed too. Either way, lucky escape!
PinkButtercups · 07/01/2022 20:22

He has 100% tried to cover his tracks like PP has said.

Also, the fact he can't bare the fact you stopped talking to him. So to protect his little man hood he feels superior in it coming from him.

You definitely swerved the right one. He sounds scary.

Darkstar4855 · 07/01/2022 20:26

He’s trying to save face and protect his ego by pretending he’s dumped you.

Definitely a lucky escape. He sounds abusive and horrible.

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 20:28

@sammylady37

I would think it’s a reference to him being suicidal and a blatant attempt to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him/guilty for blocking him etc. Obviously you’ve nothing to feel sorry/guilty about and he is not your responsibility.

Bullet dodged. Move on without looking back.

OH MY GOD. This is EXCATLY what my mother said.
unwicked · 07/01/2022 20:29

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unwicked · 07/01/2022 20:30

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SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 20:31

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?
Yes. In this context Yes.
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/01/2022 20:35

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?
his reply was ‘I could shag you right now if I wanted to’.

I would ghost him so quick his head would spin.

Or are we expected to nurture the feeling of threatening wannabe rapists now?

sammylady37 · 07/01/2022 20:38

@unwicked
No clue why people are mentioning suicide? I even searched the page and there is no mention of it. Did a post get deleted? What did it say lol?

Because of this message: I am sorry. I cannot do this anymore. It’s nothing to do with you and I enjoyed our time together

That’s vague enough to potentially be a suicide threat, the ‘I can’t do this anymore’ could be a way of saying ‘I can’t go on’ etc and then the manipulative ‘it’s not because of you, I enjoyed being with you’ bit is suggesting ‘you could save me, if I was with you I’d be ok’ etc.

I might just be a cynical bitch but that’s what I’m thinking. Suicide threats are very common when women dump or leave abusive men.

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 20:45

He also said as I was leaving -

‘Dont worry I will definately be seeing you again’.
(Said whilst looking me up and down like a piece of meat).

I was like hellll to the no.

From the messages he sent when he was blocked that came through on Mac he sent me ‘happy new year’, then a vague text on Monday followed by that belter yesterday. We had been in contact every day prior to that so he obviously knew it was over.

I know if I am dating a guy and communication suddenly swings its usually over and I just move on in my head and wish them well.

Tal45 · 07/01/2022 20:46

I think allowing him to think that he's ended it is probably better/safer for you. He sounds like one very scary and dangerous person. Does he know where you live? Please be very careful if he does.

unwicked · 07/01/2022 20:52

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SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 20:53

@Tal45

I think allowing him to think that he's ended it is probably better/safer for you. He sounds like one very scary and dangerous person. Does he know where you live? Please be very careful if he does.
Totally agree. ❤️ I just want rid and to never ever see him again.

He knows where I stay and interestingly he did comment that I should be wary letting men know where I stay. This was a comment when the taxi dropped me off on the third date at my door. I pointed out my flat. The next day he said ‘that is very trusting letting a guy you have gone on three dates with know where you stay’.

I was like thats a bit weird, but now know its likely projection of his own standards.

I have alarms etc but I do stay myself on ground floor.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 07/01/2022 20:57

No reply is the best and safest, but if you were to reply (don't) just the thumbs up emoji would be perfect.

Closetbeanmuncher · 07/01/2022 20:58

Absolutely fucking vile, all the marks of a sex offender.

He doesn't know where you live or work etc does he OP? My guess is he's covering his arse in aar you go to the police.

Please be careful.

Closetbeanmuncher · 07/01/2022 21:00

*in case

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 21:01

@Skiptheheartsandflowers

No reply is the best and safest, but if you were to reply (don't) just the thumbs up emoji would be perfect.
My Sister says let him believe he was the one to end it to be safe too. Even if I did reply it would be something short and brief.

Heaven help his ex wife and what she put up with.

WonderfulYou · 07/01/2022 21:15

YANBU
Don’t respond to the text.
If you do just put ok.

SCismybestie · 07/01/2022 21:19

@WonderfulYou

YANBU Don’t respond to the text. If you do just put ok.
My sister says to put ‘no problem’
jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 07/01/2022 21:25

he sounds high as a fucking kite

bullet dodged.

could have been very dark.

glad you got out.

Rightshoardingsaurus · 07/01/2022 21:32

My immediate reaction to reading his last missive was also that it was an attention-seeking faux suicide message. My reaction would be to shrug and ignore.

daisychain01 · 07/01/2022 21:35

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?
You really think this utter arsewipe deserves any communication skills being wasted on him? Really?

Blocking is the quickest and most effective way to rid oneself of utter trash, with no further effort needed.

It sounded like he was trying to hoover the OP back in, so the last thing they should do is re-engage.

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 07/01/2022 21:36

i do not like the veiled threats to sexual assault and controlling behaviour. very manipulative 'cover his arse' pre-emtive text should he attack/stalk you in future.....

Seriously, i would report to the police. Another woman may not be so lucky....