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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Responding to a breakup text? 🙄

103 replies

SCismybestieX · 07/01/2022 19:08

Hey ladies

Was seeing a guy since November - the last date we went on I found out ALOT about more him (last week). It was also my first time at his flat. I knew he was ‘seperated’ but nil discussions about divorce, (not divorced but seperated is not the red flag BTW) He told me he still sees his ‘ex’ every 2 days and cares for her deeply, got her a Christmas present. I was like OK 😂 He also told me he does not speak to his ‘exes’ family after calling both the Mum and Dad ‘C*nts’ (Cannot remember the context). He then lets slip he used Cocaine and in my probing admitted he used it in the past six months. Cocaine is not my scene at all - no judgement to anyone who uses it but I could loose my job if I got involved with this sort of thing.

I felt a bit uncomfortable with some of these revelations so I wanted to leave and I kissed him goodnight on the cheek with the intention of probably not seeing him again. It was at this point the tone totally changed.

He said ‘ I thought you would be staying here tonight I thought you would be a right dirty bitch’, said with a sneer ‘ What are you the kind of woman who needs breakfast in the morning or something’. I knew I could be in danger with how his manner totally changed so let him down gently and said ‘I am sorry, I just do not become intimitate with Men I am not in a relationship with’, to which his reply was ‘I could shag you right now if I wanted to’.

I have very good communication skills, and was able to de-escalate the situation and nope outta there.

I blocked and deleted him and ghosted him on Iphone.

And I thought that would be the end of it. I turned on my Mac and realised the block does to go over all devices.

He sent me a bizarre message yesterday (a week after I have not spoken to him/seen him)

‘I am sorry, I cannot do this anymore. It is nothing to do with you and I enjoyed our time together’.

Now AIBU to think that this is utterly bizarre and delusional?!
I was just getting to know him and I get the most bizarre breakup text from a guy I was not in a relationship with?!
And from my perpective there was no ‘do this anymore’ as there was nothing to not do?

At this point I am thinking he is mentally unstable and I have dodged a bullet. Managed to get my tech savvy sister to block on all platforms.

Has anyone ever heard of similar things?

OP posts:

WhoAre · 08/01/2022 12:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Suzanne999 · 08/01/2022 12:47

He sounds awful and lucky you got out when you did.
Just block and ignore, though I would Google his name and town to see if he has a criminal record.

hangrylady · 08/01/2022 12:55

Lucky escape OP although I think you should report this because the next woman might not be as lucky.

nalabae · 08/01/2022 12:58

He’s an absolute weirdo defo dodged a bullet.

I had the same problem with Mac not blocking how do I block numbers on a Mac does anyone know?

wizzywig · 08/01/2022 13:03

Send him a laughing emoji and thumbs up. The knob.

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 08/01/2022 13:11

@wizzywig

Send him a laughing emoji and thumbs up. The knob.

Don't do this, it will just antagonise the situation.

This guy sounds like he could be quite dangerous op. Don't engage any further, log a report with the police then try to push him to the deep depths of your mind.

He threatened to rape you, I'm sure he does still see his ex every 2 days, from a bush outside her house!

UserBot989 · 08/01/2022 13:15

I agree, do not respond. It's to bait you back in to dialogue then he can try and regain control.

He basically threatened to rape you. I would be very careful.

OhWhyNot · 08/01/2022 13:20

Good the hear you got out safely I have more than once been in a similar situation and it’s frightening

He is trying to pull you back in ignore him he knows that you will want to reply i finagled this a week a ago.

Don’t waste time thinking there is meaning behind his message

Blocking/ghosting someone is the right course of action at times especially when someone has behaved in threatening manner he was telling her he could have control if he choose to what sort of man does this

Viviennemary · 08/01/2022 13:20

He was completely out of order and creepy But why didnt you just say you didn't want to see him again. Did I miss something in spite of your very good communication skills. Seeing an ex every two days and taking drugs are quite good enough reasons to dump anybody. IMHO.

FlasherMcGruff · 08/01/2022 13:20

Everything you’ve said smacks of him wanting control. ‘If I wanted to’ suggests he thinks he gets to decide if you are going to have sex, the repulsive little fucker. Then he messages to dump you to try and assert himself. What a lucky escape.

OhWhyNot · 08/01/2022 13:23

Why does she owe him an explanation when he has made a threat

He can work it out for himself but unlikely to as he feels entitled to behave in such a way

Dozer · 08/01/2022 13:24

Horrible situation.

Dislike your comment about your good communication skills.

It’s good you got out of there physically unharmed.

StellaGibson118 · 08/01/2022 13:25

@Viviennemary

Did you miss where he threatened to rape her? I would have done the exact same. Why would you want to communicate further with someone who said that to you, and where would it get you?!

crosstalk · 08/01/2022 13:30

@OP I would report to police and ask their advice on security. Can you get one of those mini door cameras that link to your phone so you can see who is at front or back? They need to be positioned so they don't view your neighbours' properties.

But it's typical - neurotic and potentially violent man makes life difficult for a woman. Who'd have thought.

TimeForTeaAndG · 08/01/2022 13:33

Hope you have spoken to the police. What a creep!

Just as an aside, you've taken the X out your username so you no longer show up as highlighted OP posts.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 08/01/2022 13:35

Do not respond. Ever.

He threatened to rape you.

RealBecca · 08/01/2022 13:37

I'd report to the police. I'd say I don't want to pursue any action but wanted to make them aware as he seems dangerous and thought they should know in case he is on probation or known to them or it fits in with any other cases they may have against him.

OhWhyNot · 08/01/2022 13:45

There is nothing wrong with the op acknowledging her good communication skills this could have helped her

No women should need to explain to a man that has threatened her why she will not talk to him again or explain what he did was wrong. He is well aware

AmyDudley · 08/01/2022 13:48

I would report to the police - he threatened to rape you. He will do this again to someone else, someone who is not able to get away as you did (well done for keeping your head and getting out of the situation, thank goodness you kept your cool and didn't panic, he sounds monstrous).
The police may already have reports form other women about him threatening them.

Mummabug18 · 08/01/2022 13:52

@StellaGibson118

Please report him for threatening to rape you. At the very least it will be on file if he has anything else on his record from previous marriage or whatever then itll add up against him and if anyone else becomes a victim it will help them too.

Totally agree!

Mummabug18 · 08/01/2022 13:59

YES, IT DOES! It does sound like suicidal intent TO HER. Even if it doesn't sound like it to you.

oklets · 08/01/2022 14:08

Feel so sad 🥺 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am iibeingunreasonable/4441339-Feel-so-sad

Sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree here but it's the EXACT same text message (which is a weirdly specific one) but a very different story?

UserBot989 · 08/01/2022 14:12

Somebody who told you he rape you if he wanted to has forfeited the right to be able to contact you or expect a courteous carefully thought out goodbye text.

knittingaddict · 08/01/2022 14:18

@grumpygiraffe

Are blocking and ghosting someone what passes for “very good communication skills” these days?

Why would any woman aim for "good communication skills" with a man who acted and spoke like that? Do you need to look at how you react to sexually aggressive men?

I0NA · 08/01/2022 14:23

@UserBot989

Somebody who told you he rape you if he wanted to has forfeited the right to be able to contact you or expect a courteous carefully thought out goodbye text.

This.

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