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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this card is grim and not appropriate in a shop where children can see it?

262 replies

Glassisalwaysgreener · 07/01/2022 18:08

Just that really.

Went into Scribbler to get a birthday card DS10 was with me and saw this. I thought it was grim and shouldn’t be on view in a high street shop where children can see it.

www.scribbler.com/Cards/Birthday-Bum-Sex-BC1331/

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Mumtumtastic · 08/01/2022 12:40

[quote MabelsApron]@Mumtumtastic Expecting shops etc never to have anything which your toddler might deem scary so that she is protected and doesn’t have her innocence “broken” is… a bit much, surely? In my experience of toddlers, they’re capable of finding pretty much anything scary. My sister was scared of moustaches at that age.[/quote]
Not really the point I was trying to make. No a one off would be scary but of course kids are resilient, I meant the breaking of innocence in relation to wholesale sexualisation, and this effect is cumulative (although depending on how graphic the ‘one off’ was, could be enough). I feel like disgusting horror stuff in an otherwise neutral shop, like with overtly sexual products like this card or sex toys in Poundland, crosses a line as to what is acceptable in public spaces.

I’ve noticed an increase in disturbing merch in regular shops, and especially around Halloween year on year becoming more horror show frightening and yes this probably relates to becoming a parent myself, as before when it’s just you, yourself and I you can quite easily dismiss stuff like this. The point is it’s grim and desensitises us culturally as to what is acceptable in our public spaces - things everyone will see, young, old and everything in between (re: horror graphic gruesome or overt sexualisation).

Mumtumtastic · 08/01/2022 12:46

Also when I said about shopping in the 90’s I meant shoppy shops, not newsagents (which obviously had those awful lads mags, page 3 etc etc…)

nalabae · 08/01/2022 12:54

Ew cringe

MabelsApron · 08/01/2022 13:05

It’s a bit off to assume that people without kids don’t agree with you because they’re “me myself and I”. We have lives like you and they may include other people’s children, even. We’re perfectly capable of seeing things through other lenses, and of having empathy for issues that affect children. We just don’t agree that horror displays in shops, or cards in a store whose selling point is rude cards, is tantamount to the breaking of children’s innocence.

If anything I think it’s the other way around - parents are more emotive about things that might upset children, and tend to exaggerate their effect. There was a thread the other week where OP described an advert as including someone’s face being ripped off - turned out it was nothing of the sort.

I do agree that sexualisation as advertising is a problem (I’ve seen babygroes with Ladies Man on them and I think that’s awful) but Halloween displays and rude cards are part of life, and in this case the rude card was in a shop for rude cards. I think demanding that such things not exist (as I assumed you were, having complained to the shopkeeper re: the display) is a bit much.

Suzanne999 · 08/01/2022 13:08

Well that’s a store to avoid.

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 08/01/2022 13:16

YANBU at all OP!

I had the same situation happen in Anne Summers, they had d*os just out on display! My poor ds didn't know where to look! It sparked some very uncomfortable conversations at home.

These shops need to seriously have a think about the children. Disgusting.

BiscuitLover3678 · 08/01/2022 13:16

I don’t get why it’s not entirely what you expected. As in you didn’t expect to do it or it wasn’t how you thought it should be? Bit dodgy. You wouldn’t say that about piv sex without looking a bit creepy.

phoenixrosehere · 08/01/2022 13:20

I had the same situation happen in Anne Summers, they had d**os just out on display! My poor ds didn't know where to look! It sparked some very uncomfortable conversations at home.

These shops need to seriously have a think about the children. Disgusting.*

Sarcasm?

MabelsApron · 08/01/2022 13:34

Ironically Ann Summers is probably a shop contributing to the existence of children…

betwixtlives · 08/01/2022 13:41

@dworky

People claiming 'parenting fail' are totally wrong. Unless Scribbler have a notice at the entrance stating "Not suitable for children", how would customers know? in fact, it would be very simple & inexpensive for them to implement but, of course, they won't because they don't want customers choosing to shop elsewhere. They want to stock adult stuff but refuse to take any responsibility for it. Stop making excuses for shitty, irresponsible retailers & demand they do better.
They literally do have a sign warning parents on the door. The one near me anyway
TequilaBlaze · 08/01/2022 13:49

OMG, I went into a restaurant where they were serving steak and wine. Don't they know my baby can't have steak and wine?! I'm going to make a complaint, if something isn't suitable for my child it shouldn't be available for consumption 🙄

Mumtumtastic · 08/01/2022 14:05

@MabelsApron

It’s a bit off to assume that people without kids don’t agree with you because they’re “me myself and I”. We have lives like you and they may include other people’s children, even. We’re perfectly capable of seeing things through other lenses, and of having empathy for issues that affect children. We just don’t agree that horror displays in shops, or cards in a store whose selling point is rude cards, is tantamount to the breaking of children’s innocence.

If anything I think it’s the other way around - parents are more emotive about things that might upset children, and tend to exaggerate their effect. There was a thread the other week where OP described an advert as including someone’s face being ripped off - turned out it was nothing of the sort.

I do agree that sexualisation as advertising is a problem (I’ve seen babygroes with Ladies Man on them and I think that’s awful) but Halloween displays and rude cards are part of life, and in this case the rude card was in a shop for rude cards. I think demanding that such things not exist (as I assumed you were, having complained to the shopkeeper re: the display) is a bit much.

Yes you can see through lenses and have empathy for children. It is entirely different when you become a parent and are suddenly responsible for your own child’s welfare 24/7 and love them more than you could possibly have imagined. You have protective instincts you never knew were there, there is no lense, just the reality of being responsible for their safety and welfare every single time you step out of the door and it is a dangerous and unsympathetic world out there (and indoors too - you’re never off duty really, not with small children). It is a very different perspective when you are an independent adult, you can walk away from distasteful or disturbing stuff and it will not impact you the way it would a child.
RoomOfRequirement · 08/01/2022 14:09

This turned into a non-parents are selfish and couldn't POSSIBLY understand later than I expected 🙄

slashlover · 08/01/2022 14:15

Yes you can see through lenses and have empathy for children. It is entirely different when you become a parent and are suddenly responsible for your own child’s welfare 24/7 and love them more than you could possibly have imagined. You have protective instincts you never knew were there, there is no lense, just the reality of being responsible for their safety and welfare every single time you step out of the door and it is a dangerous and unsympathetic world out there (and indoors too - you’re never off duty really, not with small children). It is a very different perspective when you are an independent adult, you can walk away from distasteful or disturbing stuff and it will not impact you the way it would a child.

The number of times I have seen a kid interact with a 'scary' thing with interest until a parent freaks out and drags the child away which causes the child to be upset. For example, children and not born with a fear of spiders/bugs/snakes until a parent instils that into them.

Tlittle · 08/01/2022 14:19

I remember as a kid my dad reading the sun with good ol' page three.I also went In their room and found some Viz magazines.
Remember walking down great Yarmouth seafront and seeing some dodgy postcards.Martyns shop has always had dildos in next to all the other stuff though it does have a sign.None of it affected me or made me a deranged pervert lol

Mumtumtastic · 08/01/2022 14:21

If I’d taken a picture I would happily have shared what that awful display looked like as it was grossly graphic gruesome, as it was I was happy to leave and yes I have no problem asking the manager to challenge what the purpose of it was, as it was entirely out of keeping with the rest of the shop cards, birthday decorations and Christmas display which was actually geared up for children with soft toys, baby toys and little kid puzzles etc.

My mothers neighbour hung a life sized rotting human corpse from his tree in the front garden at Halloween. Scared the neighbourhood kids and gave my niece nightmares. Everyone I know hated it but I’ll assume within the weird MN microclimate that people won’t see a problem with that either

phoenixrosehere · 08/01/2022 14:33

*It’s a bit off to assume that people without kids don’t agree with you because they’re “me myself and I”. We have lives like you and they may include other people’s children, even. We’re perfectly capable of seeing things through other lenses, and of having empathy for issues that affect children. We just don’t agree that horror displays in shops, or cards in a store whose selling point is rude cards, is tantamount to the breaking of children’s innocence.

If anything I think it’s the other way around - parents are more emotive about things that might upset children, and tend to exaggerate their effect. There was a thread the other week where OP described an advert as including someone’s face being ripped off - turned out it was nothing of the sort.*

I agree with you. I have children and have been to Scribbler several times. The ones I’ve gone to off Oxford Street in London and near Westgate in Oxford have a sign on the window and has been said by many of us who have worked in retail, people fail to read. If people don’t want their children exposed to said card or cards, it is easy to simply not go in there.

Becoming a parent has made me more sensitive to some things but it has also shown me how ridiculous other parents get over minor things that are easily solved.

Mumtumtastic · 08/01/2022 14:43

@TequilaBlaze

OMG, I went into a restaurant where they were serving steak and wine. Don't they know my baby can't have steak and wine?! I'm going to make a complaint, if something isn't suitable for my child it shouldn't be available for consumption 🙄
You know what TequilaBlaze, I don’t want to see that shite either! And know I’m not alone in this in RL
OmgIThinkILikeYou · 08/01/2022 14:52

@phoenixrosehere

I had the same situation happen in Anne Summers, they had d**os just out on display! My poor ds didn't know where to look! It sparked some very uncomfortable conversations at home.

These shops need to seriously have a think about the children. Disgusting.*

Sarcasm?

I was really hoping it would be obvious 🤣
OmgIThinkILikeYou · 08/01/2022 14:54

I even blocked out the dildo to be extra pearl clutching. Sometimes I mistake my idiocy for genius hahaha

Mumtumtastic · 08/01/2022 15:01

@slashlover

Yes you can see through lenses and have empathy for children. It is entirely different when you become a parent and are suddenly responsible for your own child’s welfare 24/7 and love them more than you could possibly have imagined. You have protective instincts you never knew were there, there is no lense, just the reality of being responsible for their safety and welfare every single time you step out of the door and it is a dangerous and unsympathetic world out there (and indoors too - you’re never off duty really, not with small children). It is a very different perspective when you are an independent adult, you can walk away from distasteful or disturbing stuff and it will not impact you the way it would a child.

The number of times I have seen a kid interact with a 'scary' thing with interest until a parent freaks out and drags the child away which causes the child to be upset. For example, children and not born with a fear of spiders/bugs/snakes until a parent instils that into them.

This could not be further from what I’m talking about, natural world stuff is different (and I personally like bugs and encourage our DC to enjoy/ explore them) I’m talking about objects that are deliberately designed to be gruesome put out by adults (in this case the manageress) who couldn’t care less if it scared little kids because it makes good money. There was a life sized zombie hand sticking out of the ground with blood and skin peeling off, just nasty nasty. It makes me sad if this is viewed as normal.
phoenixrosehere · 08/01/2022 15:07

@OmgIThinkILikeYou

I was hoping it was sarcasm, but you never know on MN. Made me chuckle….

I wonder where for some of these people personal responsibility begins and ends.

KiloWhat · 08/01/2022 15:09

Don't take a kid in there. They usually have signs up.

fitsandgiggles · 08/01/2022 15:19

I want to know what happened with this card that got ripped up!

slashlover · 08/01/2022 15:24

This could not be further from what I’m talking about, natural world stuff is different (and I personally like bugs and encourage our DC to enjoy/ explore them) I’m talking about objects that are deliberately designed to be gruesome put out by adults (in this case the manageress) who couldn’t care less if it scared little kids because it makes good money. There was a life sized zombie hand sticking out of the ground with blood and skin peeling off, just nasty nasty. It makes me sad if this is viewed as normal.

Were your kids scared or did you actually see any scared kids?

Beetlejuice came out when my sister was 4 and we probably rented the video when she was 6, much was made about how she should never see it as it would traumatise her. She ended up getting up early to watch it and absolutely loved it, it's still one of her favourite films.

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