To find it weird that we’re being congratulated on our baby’s sex?

[Dollywilde]

We had our 20 week scan this week. My overwhelming feeling is just sheer gratitude that nothing has been picked up as a health concern - I have friends who haven’t been so lucky including friends who have had to TFMR at this point, so I didn’t go into it with any other hopes than baby being ok.

We already have a one year old DD and due to the small age gap/the fact we only plan to have two we decided to find out the sex of this baby, which we didn’t with DD. Neither of us had any preference at all, to my mind we either got one of each or DD got a sister, and frankly both outcomes were brilliant. Baby is a boy and I’m super excited.

Since we’d found out, we mentioned it in passing to close family (siblings, parents) and since then we’ve been getting heaps of messages off other friends and family to congratulate us on the baby’s sex. Haven’t posted it on social media or mentioned it to anyone other than immediate family who had asked directly, but they’ve obviously passed it on (both sides, this isn’t an in-laws bash!) And I don’t mind that they’ve passed it on, it’s not a secret, I just generally assumed no one except the parents really gives a damn about it

Am I being U to find the fact we’re getting loads of congratulatory messages bizarre? I could understand people messaging to say they’re glad the baby seems healthy, and obviously once baby is here, but ‘congrats on what’s between its legs’ seems a bit… odd? DH thinks I’m massively overthinking it, but I feel like congratulations is only appropriate when the alternative outcome is less good (ie congrats the baby is here safely). I will say I’m the sort of person who wouldn’t dream of giving a gift until a baby has actually arrived - I feel a bit uneasy about it tbh, maybe due to my friends’ experiences - so for me it’s in a very different category to birth announcements.

DH says I’m being snippy because I’m reading it as ‘a second girl wouldn’t have been as good’ and people are just pleased for us. I’m sure there’s no malice but I think being congratulated on something that a) is 50/50 and b) doesn’t really matter either way is really odd! AIBU?

(Just to say if I am U I promise to take it on the chin and this definitely isn’t a ‘gender disappointment’ post. More a ‘sex wtf’ post )

Definitely overthinking it, people are just being polite.

@Thevalley

No one cares. They have better things to worry about

Well clearly they do care, since they've been sending messages about it.

What an idiotic remark.

People really don't care about the constitution of other people's families - they send messages because they heard "X is pregnant, scan says healthy and its a boy" and so they sent a nice message. There really isn't a cohort of people out there worried about whether OP has a boy or a girl next. They just want to convey to her how excited and happy they are for her - which is nice.

Also am I the only one who thinks there is something remarkable about knowing whether it is a boy or a girl. it isn't as if they can scan and say the baby has red hair and brown eyes and looks a little like his grandmother. Apart from the purpose of the scan - health - the only thing they can tell you about this baby is male or female. It is like an early revelation of some aspect of this new person coming into the family. I find that pretty remarkable.

Being the mother of 4 boys , on telling people this, more than one person (all elderly people) have commented "what a shame" I never bothered to ask them what they thought was a shame
I just smiled politely.
OP pretty sure most of your commenters donr really care whether you're having a boy or a girl , they probably just congratulating you on your pregnancy 🤔

It's deeply weird, but I've come across it before. I have two boys and once had a woman in a pub tell me, completely unsolicited, that she felt terrible for me that I would never know the joy of having a little girl

My boys are as different from one another as my friends' boy/girl sets. I didn't have a preference with either pregnancy and I don't really understand anyone who thinks it matters so much. All babies are gorgeous.

My friend had two girls after lots of losses and a lot of trying, and she was largely met with “oh never mind, maybe you’ll get a boy next time.” Males are still seen as superior in some parts it seems.

Fortunately my friend doesn’t mince her words and told them exactly what she thought.

@HeyFloof

It is something people say without thinking.

The nurse who was checking my cannula at my second TFMR said "Oh, one of each, that would have been nice."

We were losing our baby girl at 15w after losing our baby boy at 21w to the same condition pretty much a year previously.

We are fortunate enough to have an older DS, so it was never going to be "having one of each", now we've just lost one of each.

I'm so sorry 💐 that's a dreadfully tactless comment by the MW.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your babies.

@Dollywilde

Just wanted to say fair play to you with your replies - you were very gracious I thought & accepting of people's opinions.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy!